Dr. Laura recently aroused some hackles when she speculated about marriages like the Spitzer in which the husband is unfaithful that his straying is because his wife is not doing her duties to attend to him psychologically and/or sexually. Glenn Sacks has in turn defended Dr. Laura on this count.
I think it is important to realize that the fact that Elliot Spitzer paid for prostitutes does not mean that Silda Spitzer has been a poor wife nor does infidelity necessarily indicate anything is wrong with a marriage.
Elliot Spitzer and the many men who are unfaithful may in fact be in very close and intimate marriages. They may enjoy exciting, creative, and very regular sex with their wives. They could break the marriage vows for either of the following reasons:
1) A craving for variety. The biological fact is that a desire for multiple sexual partners is hard-wired into humans of both genders. Men are genetically disposed to spread seed; women are genetically disposed to diversify it. Now, the fact that something is genetically based does not in any way indicate we HAVE to do it. Humans are perfectly capable of rising above our natures and many people are faithful even though it is an unnatural state. One reason they rise above their polygamous natures is that while fidelity is natural to neither sex, jealousy is natural to both and they don’t want to cause pain to their spouses.
2) A craving for a younger woman. The human male is genetically hard-wired to be attracted to women of prime reproductive age.
There is also a third reason married men may patronize prostitutes: a specific desire for a hooker. It may or may not be genetically hard-wired but both the fact of a prostitute’s charging for sex and of her promiscuity may be extremely arousing to many men.
justoneguy said,
March 31, 2008 at 7:34 am
Robert Stevens said,
March 31, 2008 at 12:53 pm
jackal1994 said,
I highly doubt guys pay good money to hookers to “bend their ear.”
I would say that the reasons Denise mentioned are valid points (of reasons men stray).
But there are also real world problems that could make either partner cheat: growing distance, one partner feeling the other has grown physically unattractive, kids, hectic schedule, etc..
But, I think the number one reason that MEN (specifically) cheat are not biological. It is the #1 feminist paradigm that all of western society labors under. SEX IS A “GIFT” WOMEN GIVE TO MEN.
Remember a “gift” can be taken away for any reason no matter how trivial.
The THING I detest about this is if a woman (or anybody really) wants to with-hold sex, that’s fine!
BUT, you better be an adult be prepared for the consequences! NO ACTION is ever consequence-free. Sex is a vital component to human behavior. If you withdraw it, then you might as well be dropping off your wife/husband to their lovers house yourself.
You can see this (sex as gift from women to men) in the laws that feminists try to pass (both successfully and not). There seems to be more and more emphasis against males being hound-dogs. Movies like Hostel and others are trying to say men who are hound-dogs should be penalized in some way.
Also, whenever a male pays a “discounted” price for access to a woman’s bodies (as in loosening women up with alcohol or bull-shit), feminists go nuts. They also go nuts when men try to work around the courtship ritual (as in prostitution, or foreign brides).
Specifically, in the UK I have read a number of laws trying to be passed that if a woman is drunk (or even tipsy) it should be considered rape (even if he was also drunk). Obviously feminists have an issue with sober consent–BUT ONLY FOR WOMEN!
I also read about laws being attempted to consider it rape for a married man to fondle his wife to try and “get her in the mood”.
And we all know how they feel about prostitution–but their scorn ONLY goes for the johns, not the hookers themselves even very rich madams like heidi fleiss they never seem to hate.
(If prostitution is predatory of men, and most men see a hooker 0-5 times in their life, then how much worse is it for A WOMAN (who should know better) to engineer a harem of women (under her care) each having paid-for sex 3+ times a week? If men buying sex is bad, surely their madam should be put to death, or in prison for life? Not a peep about madams or hookers from feminists–very very telling.)
In fact feminists LOVE the female libido. I saw an advertisement for a singles dating website where a woman was wearing an apron that said:
“My cooking sucks, but fortunately so do I”
It’s truly sad that soooooo many women adhere to this view-point that sex is a gift women give to men. Of course this is total BS. And I would say this is the reason for cheating (of men) in about 80% of the cases.
Men who get sex regularly will go out and look for sex very very seldomly–at least in my personal experience.
March 31, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Denise Noe said,
Interesting analysis, but are some of these reasons that men stray in a marriage somewhat similar to why women in a marriage stray? Much attention is focused on men’s perceived shallow reasons for straying, sexually, in a marriage, but when the reasons for women doing the same are examined, it is usually the male partner’s fault. I would enjoy seeing an analysis, by a woman, noting the similar shallow and selfish reasons that women stray sexually, in a marriage. As a man who has been approached enough times in my life by such women, I have heard them all.
(Denise) One of the major reasons women stray is not only similar but identical to a reason men stray: a craving for sexual variety that is, for better or worse, built into the nature of both genders in our species.
March 31, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Denise Noe said,
They did a study some years back about why men go to prostitutes. The main reason has little to do with biology and more to do with the fact that women no longer listen to their men. The “ladies of the evening” over whelmingly responded to the question ” why do men use your services” the answer, they would take the time to listen to these men!
(Denise) It seems to me that if a man just wanted someone to talk to and be a good listener, he would see a psychologist.
March 31, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Zebster said,
March 31, 2008 at 6:09 pm
anti armchair generals said,
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080401/wl_afp/finlandpoliticssexappoint_080401100631
April 1, 2008 at 11:34 pm
anti armchair generals said,
It should have been a foreign minister. The prime minister’s problem had occurred earlier
http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,23471128-5006003,00.html
April 2, 2008 at 2:23 am
BrianD said,
April 23, 2008 at 12:11 pm