Feminist Blogger: Society ‘Robs the Hearts of Men’
Misguided feminists do occasionally acknowledge the problems men face in our society, under the rubric of PHMT (Patriarchy Hurts Men Too). I don’t agree with their line of thinking, since I think the American patriarchy is a joke. (Under what “patriarchy” could a man be thrown out of his own house and cut off from his own kids on a restraining order, without even so much as a hearing, just because his wife claims, without any evidence, that he threatened her?)
OK, enough about that. I do like to compliment feminists when they try to be fair and understanding, and here’s an example. In Robbing the Hearts of Men, a recent blog post by blogger “PortlyDyke” of the popular feminist blog Shakesville, she writes:
“It’s long been my view that sexism and misogyny do every bit as much damage to men as to women….I believe that the very things that men complain about — needing to be ‘the strong one’, ‘the provider’, the ‘bread-winner’ — are a direct result of sexism and misogyny which attempts to cast human beings in rigid gender-based roles from which they believe they cannot escape.
“I believe that the very things that men complain about — feeling under- or un-appreciated, misunderstood, or unseen — are compounded by the fact that the gender-based role of the guy is to be ’strong and silent’ — to “suck it up and be a man” — because, if he’s doing that, how are we supposed to know what’s going on inside him?
“I think that, at the level of basic existence as a human being, any privilege obtained by being male in this culture is probably cold comfort when you consider the real toll that sexism and misogyny take on those who identify as, or are considered Man/Male/Men/Males.
“Here’s one of the ways that I believe this toll is taken:
“In our society (at least), the following traits are considered primarily “female/womanly”:
“Tender, Emotional, Vulnerable, Receptive, Passive, Compassionate.
“(OK — you can argue with me about this if you want, but I challenge you to ask 10 people who you know to listen to these words read aloud — without prepping them beforehand about the context of your query — and ask them to assign the words as either Male or Female. I’m not saying that this is “what is so” about men and women, I’m saying that this is the overwhelmingly common cultural perception/expectation.)
“This is where the toll is paid:
“If you are living in a misogynist, sexist society where privilege is awarded automatically by virtue of manliness/maleness or perceived manliness/maleness, and therefore, being womanly/female is an undesirable (if not despicable) position, then you are going to work hard to avoid the culturally-acceptable traits of womanliness.
“This, I believe, is one of the tragedies of sexism for men in our culture — the abrogation of their right to “have a heart” — a full-range emotional body.
“Men feel — because they’re human. They experience moments of tenderness, and vulnerability, and emotion (yes, emotions other than rage) — as well as moments of compassion, and receptivity, and passivity.
“The problem is: They can’t express that without looking like a woman. Which, in a sexist, misogynist society, would be a bad thing. A thing that loses you jobs, and gets you called “pussy”, and “mangina”, and subjects you to suggestions that you “sit to pee” — which would all be BAD, because being anything like a woman/female human is BAD.
“Bad and wrong.
“Eve-In-The-Garden-Bad-Apple Wrong.
“Condemning-The-Entire-Human-Race-To-An-Awful-Existence Wrong.
“This is one of the tolls of sexism and misogyny for men — they are robbed of their hearts.
“Which to me, is tragic.
“My father is 81 now, and 17 years ago, just after his retirement, I went with him and my mom to see the movie “The Doctor”. The theater was crowded, so I sat in a seat in the row directly in front of my mom and dad, and during the film, I heard this distinct sniffling behind me, and assumed it was my mom. As we left the theater, I noticed my dad’s eyes were all swollen and puffy.
“I said: “Were you the one who was crying?”
“He replied: “Yeah. I don’t know what it is. Ever since I retired, I just cry at almost anything . . . . . . . . It’s kind of a relief.’”
Read her full blog post here.Â
Thanks to “Sweating Through Fog,” a blogger and a reader, for the story.
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