The article does an excellent job of explaining to laypersons the OBSERVED FACT that we are apparently "hardwired" to accept older male / younger female sexual relationships, and not vice-versa – because, namely, younger men in their sexual prime that have squandered their resources (time, effort) on post-menopausal women have, historically – FAILED to procreate. It lessens their Darwinian fitness.

(Denise) It’s a truth that can be very painful to women who realize the man simply cannot be attracted to them.
(Amf:)It is usually a temporary issue, Denise, especially with married couples, not a forever thing and certainly not a tragedy. (it should not even be a consideration with non-married ones) And why, if it is so painful to her, and she is the one who claims ‘empathy’ as a female sexual marker, why does she not see how painful it is to him when she isn’t instantly aroused by his body? That’s most of the time by your own admission. Does she not feel his pain? Maybe she is so overwhelmed by her own that his doesn’t register.

(Denise) The point I’m making amfortas is that, at least pre-Viagra and similar drugs, men could not have sex with women who were REPULSIVE to them. Men do not have erections most of the time. They get erections in response to arousal. Thus, they will not be able to have sex with women to whom they are repulsed. OTOH, a woman can agree to allow a man’s penis to enter her vagina regardless of how she feels toward him.

amfortas: No, it is down to him to use the sweet words, the soft caresses, the showering with praise – and gifts. Not to mention moving the furniture around interminably and doing the friggin’ hoovering.

I asked about the assymetry. You offer a tear on her behalf. How about some sweet words of recognition.

(Denise) Although it is not necessary for sexual intercourse to take place, the vast majority of men want to be found attractive by their sexual partners.

amfortas: What does it tell us about women that she sees the sky falling in just because a man does not get a hard on the instant she enters the room? Should men take up lying on the seeminly industrial scale that women do, and blame women to boot for having ‘fragile female egos’?

(Denise:)the fact that arousal MUST be present in the man and does not HAVE to be present in the woman (although it’s nicest for both parties when it is) has consequences.

(Amf:)Maybe she could try being nice when he has had a hard day and is facing a soft night. She is constantly banging on about being appreciated for her mind instead of her body but her mind seems to be a seeting mass of contradiction and taking advantage.

(Denise) This is why aging is a two-edged sword for women. A woman with gray hair, a face that is a mass of wrinkles, and a worn and flabby body may find herself better able to build platonic friendships with men specifically because she has aged out of the sexual game.

(Amf:)It is usually a temporary issue, Denise, especially with married couples, not a forever thing and certainly not a tragedy. (it should not even be a consideration with non-married ones) And why, if it is so painful to her, and she is the one who claims ‘empathy’ as a female sexual marker, why does she not see how painful it is to him when she isn’t instantly aroused by his body? That’s most of the time by your own admission. Does she not feel his pain? Maybe she is so overwhelmed by her own that his doesn’t register.

No, it is down to him to use the sweet words, the soft caresses, the showering with praise – and gifts. Not to mention moving the furniture around interminably and doing the friggin’ hoovering.

I asked about the assymetry. You offer a tear on her behalf. How about some sweet words of recognition.

What does it tell us about women that she sees the sky falling in just because a man does not get a hard on the instant she enters the room? Should men take up lying on the seeminly industrial scale that women do, and blame women to boot for having ‘fragile female egos’?

(Denise:)the fact that arousal MUST be present in the man and does not HAVE to be present in the woman (although it’s nicest for both parties when it is) has consequences.

(Amf:)Maybe she could try being nice when he has had a hard day and is facing a soft night. She is constantly banging on about being appreciated for her mind instead of her body but her mind seems to be a seeting mass of contradiction and taking advantage.

You don’t find men believing that they must have a great car, cash, a “perfect” evening planned to get to hopefully get to “first base” at age 50 unless they are handsome, and or rich, funny and sexy too. You don’t have the penis described as an object that is a portal to heaven, or Holy of Holies (Scent of a woman and Pulp Fiction) in movies either.

Most of the men I have known, even in their prime, doubted that they were attractive enough without feeling some sense of having to put on a show… like wild birds, puffing up, showing off. Some hoped that if they worked hard, were kind, they could get a mercy F%$^&.

If men who are slightly above average were as attractive to women as women who are slightly above average are too men, the world would be much different than it is.
Strangers would be having sex at the the laundromat.

The reason women are more accepted as cougars is that we learn through the media that women smell good, are pretty, kind, loving and that their bodies are pure, vaginas are good – vaginas provide pleasure to both partners (sometimes) and babies come from there and sometimes men hurt women sexually. We are taught that men stink, penises are like missles, men are cruel and male bodies are ugly. For that reason a male having sex with a female who is very young defiles her while an older female with a boy – same age as the young girl – enhances him.

If not for such stereotypes you would not have women ignorantly stamping their feet and screaming in pleasure when an older women gets a girl drunk, and then has sex with a girl age 13 in the Vagina Mono… play where they would be reaching for their knives if a man had sex with a child getting him or her drunk first. In the play the line was “if it was a rape it was a good rape”

The problem is, a boy having sex with an older woman grows up to have sex with a younger girl thinking it’s OK … thinking that he is gods gift or an older woman would not have wanted sex with him, and then he goes to jail for defiling the girl thinking he was doing her a favor.

Later

SD

(Denise) It’s a truth that can be very painful to women who realize the man simply cannot be attracted to them.

amfortas: When he is not aroused, she has to do the arousing. Not that such is difficult, but it is rarely seen.

(Denise) If he is attracted to her, it’s not difficult at all: it’s easy.
If he is repulsed by her, it’s still not difficult: it’s impossible.
Again, this is one of my basic points: the fact that arousal MUST be present in the man and does not HAVE to be present in the woman (although it’s nicest for both parties when it is) has consequences.

Older woman younger man.

Man’s perspective. Cool I get to tap this ass all I want and I can still get a young hot chick either at the same time or I can just dump the old chick when something better comes along…….I can do this because despite the fact that she is still attractive she is older…..she will never bear my children…..there is no benefit to marrying her unless she is rich and I can get some easy cash by divorcing her later (RARE !) No one not even the older woman expects me to stick around for very long…..she is a piece of ass to me and I am an ego boost to her.

And no one seems to have a problem with older men / younger women.

Tom Cruise
Clint Eastwood
Dennis Kucinich
Fred Thompson

No one bats an eyelash

Anyway, on the surface I have to agree with your view here, about ‘cougars’ – interesting term. That word invokes issues that you don’t touch upon though. What does it mean to you? Associations-wise.

But you do touch upon an issue that almost skips by with guilty haste. The assymetric nature of arousal. And the power that provides to the lesser aroused.

I hear what you say about faking it. I don’t hear you talk of mendacities, the assymetric obligations. You did mention the ‘truth’ of a flaccid penis, a truth that is used against rather than respected, usually. When he is not aroused, she has to do the arousing. Not that such is difficult, but it is rarely seen.

Maybe the young man looks more lovingly to the older woman because she has topped playing demeaning sexual power-trip games that most women play. That she is grateful for his attention and, honest, love. That he isn’t about to be disappointed that the push-up bra hides an anorexic pimple or an over-easy fried egg.

At least until the botox wears off.