Thanks.
Fresh on the heels of their bi-partisan decision to overturn the Law of Supply and Demand by seeking legal redress from OPEC over high oil prices, the Democrat-controlled House of Representatives has set the bar a bit higher. In what many are calling a strikingly bold move, the congressional body has once again united across party lines, approving legislation that will pave the way for the Justice Department to sue on behalf of individuals who are adversely affected by gravity.
“Speaking as someone who has complied with the Law of Gravity for most her life, except when I needed just a bit of tightening around the jawline, I have to say I am saddened that it has come to this,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. “Democrats have a long-standing tradition of being pro-gravity, but the number of falls that the average hardworking American has to contend with has not only not gone down under this administration, it has actually risen sharply. In fact when you adjust for inflation, there are now 156% more falls today than in 1992. It’s clear that this once innocuous power that keeps things in place has evolved into a malevolent force that apparently enjoys sucking Americans–predominantly minorities and those below the poverty line might I add–violently and unexpectedly back into the earth. President Bush won’t do anything for fear of upsetting his Big Physics buddies, so the Democrats will have to take the lead yet again.”
“I am very grateful that something is being done about this huge gravity problem,” said John Flores, a stage three vertigo sufferer from San Diego. “I mean falls hurt. A lot. Every time I pick myself up, I wonder, ‘Who will protect unbalanced Americans like me from this stalking, sinister force?’”
The formidable gravity lobby was quick to return fire, saying that the ancient force of nature was an easy target for an American public that had grown increasingly uncoordinated, and warning that the cost of frivolous lawsuits would likely force gravity to shut down, sending billions of humans floating off into space.
Although Speaker Pelosi was unavailable for comment, an aide read a prepared statement noting that she was “working feverishly on legislation that would provide relief from the Nazi-like tyranny of ‘i before e except after c.’”
Stumble It!Rate this post:
(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...
wtexas said,
May 23, 2008 at 6:03 pm
amfortas said,
Amfortas, Frivol, Wakum & Assocs.
(No fee, no win )
May 23, 2008 at 10:07 pm