The Truth About Equal Custody And VAWA
I’ve recently been misrepresented on Mothers United Against Domestic Violence. “Teri Stoddard, a woman who very strongly advocates mandatory joint custody.” I have never advocated for mandatory joint custody.
Every proposed equal custody or shared parenting bill I’ve read has had a section on neglectful, abusive and uninterested parents. No one in the family rights movement wants kids with abusers, of either gender. And we would never force a child on an uninterested parent.
I am for equal parental rights, with equal physical and legal custody. I want this for all parents who desire it, and have not been found guilty of child abuse or neglect. This does not mean it’s mandatory. This does not mean the kids have to spend equal time with each parent. Parents can write a parenting plan (which I offer free on Shared Parenting Works.)
These plans should be flexible, and should change as the years go on. The only time parents would have to split the time exactly 50/50 would be if they can’t agree on a plan. Most parents realize they need to take into account their work schedules, the child’s school schedule, how close they live to each other, etc. Without the “winner take all” attitude of fighting for sole custody, parents are more willing to cooperate.
I understand these women have been wronged, as have their children. But I stand by my belief that we should not have laws that hurt 95% of the population, just to help 5%. We can still help these women without taking rights away from all fathers.
And that is exactly what we’ve done with the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA.) Mothers without abusive exes are now using false allegations to win sole custody of children. Recent studies show that 60 to 80% of all domestic violence allegations are unnecessary or false. The California Bar Association has even publicly stated they’re concerned about this.
VAWA allowed Sheila Fuith to illegally abduct Emily Hindle from the UK to the US. VAWA-funded attorneys and shelters helped this abusive and neglectful mother to hide her child for years while continuing to file false charges against Emily’s dad Karl.
Sheila recently admitted making up every single allegation. Was she punished? Does Karl have Emily back? No. In this case the U.S. State Department is included in the corruption and abuse of Emily’s right to her father. If it weren’t for the more than $400,000 Karl has spent investigating this, no one would have known. He still waits for justice, and his little girl.
VAWA allowed Shannon Phillips to illegally abduct Madison from California to Illinois. Her father Donald Tenn is devastated. He was her stay-at-home parent. “We were always together. I even watched Barney with her,” he said, “My favorite thing was having her sit on my lap while I read books to her. It’s so hard to be in this house without her.”
Donald and Shannon got along. They never had any instances of domestic violence. Shannon wanted Donald to move to Illinois with her. When he asked her to return to California so they could decide together, she refused.
Donald knew the law was on his side. Move-aways are illegal in California. When he told Shannon that he was going to have Madison returned, she immediately filed false allegations against him.
As time goes by, her allegations are getting worse. Donald has become an active leader in Families4Justice and Fathers4Justice. “I want Madison to know I did everything I could to get her back,” he said.
Shannon has enjoyed free legal aid, and free airfare, all thanks to VAWA. Donald has no free legal aid. He was able to get visitation in Illinois, and spent some precious time with Madison, once. Shannon illegally refused any other visits, and has been supported for it.
“The roller coaster of emotions is hard,” he said, “I can understand why some fathers give up trying to get custody, or even seeing their children. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced.” But Donald won’t give up.
Making sure Madison never forgets their closeness, Donald sends her packages in the mail. “Every time I’m shopping I see things she’d like, and I buy them. Little snacks, books, stickers…she loves stickers,” he explains, “I send about 3 packages a week.”
The Violence Against Women Act is unconstitutional and full of misandry. The organizations that profit from it openly discriminate against men. They even have a network of feminist attorneys ready to fight any lawsuit brought by men to gain services.
And now we have The National Domestic Violence Volunteer Attorney Network Act — H.R. 6088 and S. 1515 — recently introduced in Congress. This bill would authorize $55 million for volunteer lawyers to help victims of domestic violence.
Let’s be very clear. This would be for women. And many would use it to take children away from good fathers.
I'm a sun and nature loving, 50-something, laid back, forward thinking, liberal anti-feminist egalitarian, san francisco bay area native, single mom of 4 and yia yia to 2. I've been active in the equal parenting movement since 2002. Known as the purple Queen of Equality, I once blogged as the Feminist4Fathers. Find me now on sharedparentingworks.org and jugsforjustice.org. | More from Teri Stoddard
Stumble It!
August 9th, 2008 at 7:02 am
When it comes to joint custody thing, there are no easy pat answers. It will be difficult to make such a thing work, but that is no excuse not to try.
Those that oppose joint custody usually do so for selfish reasons, although there are situations where there is danger and the children are at risk. But the problem has always been that the legal system tendency to “railroad” men and almost never abides by the due process requirements that would stop such behavior. It will first be necessary to start requiring the courts and the whole legal system to start follow ” all the rules” not just the one that give them power.
Women will have to be made to accept and abide by any joint custody law and it will likely take a national law, with federal involvement. Since the state courts, which are the family courts have a tendency to disobey even their own laws, it will take federal involvement. And even then it will take putting a whole lot of women and “state government thugs” in jail to make them understand that joint custody is the law and they will obey it!
Someone will have to sit down and write a “dummy guide” to joint physical/legal custody. showing how to go from the “kidnapping and extortion racket” we currently have to a fair and just system we would want.
It would be no easy task, in addition to having to make women and their state government accomplices obey the new law, you would have to educate many men on how to be a functioning, hands on parent. Some have little experience and some would have none! We would constantly have to enforce this ” new right” and constantly have to fend off attacks by those that would “lose out” under such a fair and just arrangement. So, to sum it up, its gonna be a tough row to hoe, no matter how you slice it.
August 9th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Guess I need to clear another thing up. The owner of Mothers United has accused me of libel. She says I threatened her when I wrote:
7/8/08
I’m sorry, but at second look your post shows your ignorance. You’ve written so many things that simply aren’t true. And you’ve quoted statistics that were debunked years ago. I can prove everything I write. All of it. I can prove you’re wrong. Do your research. I’d rather work with you than write bad things about you in the media. But I will if I have to. You can learn the truth here http://www.mediaradar.org Maybe this article of mine will too: Is Misandry Protecting Mothers Who Murder and Maim? http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/84358/is_misandry_protecting_mothers_who.html?cat=37
I’ve already told her, days ago (in an email she didn’t post) that what I meant was I’d expose what she was writing. I never told her I’d make things up. she and I were communicating well at the end. then when I started making too much sense she took away the ability to write to her or comment.
hmmm… where is the libel? I quoted one line, which she did write.
August 9th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Go for the jugular, Teri. Show NO quarter. In a real fight, one that ends, you put the opponent down and do not let her get up.
Sue the woman. Take her house, her wealth and her reputation.
August 9th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Terri, you must have hit a nerve. Someone posted this in Shattered Men (I would not be surprised if this was not the one who has accused you of libel.)
Teri Stoddard has not been misrepresented on Mothers United. In fact Teri has been notified that her remark is libelous and she needs to remove the links and name of the organization, otherwise she will be sued. She has also sent the website owner a letter threatening her that if she did not publically change her opion on this issue, that Teri would write negative things about her in the media. This is coercion.
This was my reply:
I personally approved both of the messages by this person because TRUTH has NOTHING to hide.
I also know Terri personally as I have talked to her on the phone in the past. You said: “She has also sent the website owner a letter threatening her that if she did not publically change her opion on this issue” I wonder if the negative things would be posting the TRUTH?
I have personally had many attacks on me and I simply do not let them bother me. Several of these attacks were right here in Shattered Men (in the old group which was hacked into and deleted but those here who were in the old group can verify it) I approved each one because
all new members are moderated as are you but we still firmly believe truth has nothing to hide. Two of those who attacked me are now members here and are now my friend.
I tried to find the site that you refer to but was unable to find it because I wonder if they use their names as Terri has done or do they hide behind screen names?
The only “women against” site I could find was by NOW and that bothers me because they are fighting against true equality and they want the VAWA not only kept as it is, but they want to make it easier for women to accuse men of abuse and give them felony charges simply because they say they were abused. The thing that bothers me is they are using our TAX dollars to do this. WE fund the feminist agenda.
http://shatterdmen.com/Funding%20Feminist%20Agenda.htm
http://shatterdmen.com/Bitter.htm
I also notice that you joined SM on July 13th but these are the first two posts you have made and it is to contest something that SM strongly believes in….equal custody as long as it would actually help our children. Terri did state it well in that we all know that sometimes it will not work. We do not believe an abuser should have equal custody when it is proven but if that were the case my friend, remember…mothers are responsible for 2/3 ’s of all child abuse and for the majority of the murder of their own children. We feel
strongly that the safest place for our children is in an intact home with both biological parents.
We want to keep Shattered Men safe for our people and we will do that to the best of our ability. It is for that reason, I do ask what is YOUR motive for being here?
We do accept anyone that honestly is here for help or to help or those who want to learn the truth about abuse.
We also firmly believe that the only REAL solution for any abuse is having a right relationship with our creator
http://shatterdmen.com/first_step.htm
I have found out that Terri linked to Mothers United Against Domestic
Violence so that we could verify what she was saying.
http://mothersunited.blogspot.com/2008/08/men-arent-problem-system-
is.html
When we go to this site, we now find: “Page not found
Sorry, the page you were looking for in the blog A Mother Disgusted does not exist. ”
It would appear that these mothers DO have something to hide!
August 10th, 2008 at 1:57 am
(Wow, I read what amfortas said, what a sad thing to say about the other parent of your child and what is vengence suppose to accomplish — I guess any terrorists knows the answer to that?)
I liked the article, but a bit confused by the standard for being an EQUAL & FIT Parent? You say a parent should not be found guilty of ‘abuse or neglect’ and must also be
‘interested’?
Why? What is the foundation for your statement? Just one minor incident? Heck, I can think of moments where I could have been considered ‘abused’ or ‘neglected’ by my parents, and they loved me very much. They never came to a school parent/teacher conference (to the outside word would they have appeared ‘not interested’).
How about this instead:
To be presumed a FIT & EQUAL parent unless convicted in Criminal Court, with jury protection, of being a demonstrated serious threat to my kids and acting with malintent.
Of course, that type of bold statement would mean that almost all the FLDS parents in Texas, and Britney Spears, and Alec Baldwin, and all our former spouse, and YOU — should be FIT & EQUAL (in time & responsibility of course) with your kids.
Foundation for this? Here is a link,
http://www.AKidsRight.Org/approach.htm
August 11th, 2008 at 4:23 am
Teri Stoddard did in fact libel the owner of Mothers United and on more than one incident. She has made the accusation that the owner of Mothers United had made the statement which Teri loves to quote and whine about ” Teri Stoddard is a woman who very strongly advocates for mandatory joint custody.” That statement was made by A MAN in response to Teri’s posts.. Therefore, her posts were published otherwise there would be no issue. The scope of said website is women’s issues and domestic violence from women’s perspectives. Teri’s posts were out of the scope of the organization. Teri also made the false statement that Mothers United had been changed to “a disturbed mother”, referring to one’s unstable mental state.. The website’s name had never been changed to a Disturbed Mother.
The specific post that Ms. Stoddard continually refers to as “evidence” of misrepresentation,was not authored by the owner of Mothers United, as she is leading you to believe.
Ms. Stoddard stated that she “did research the other night” and found that the owner of Mothers had “changed the name of her blog several times within the last 7 years.” Ms. Darkness, had not appeared on the internet until 2005. This is a deliberate attempt to ruin her reputation and credibiity.
Proof that Ms. Stoddard’s actions were deliberate and without remorse, she wrote “If this means I have gotten a blog full of misandry and lies off the internet, I can only thank God. ” Oposing opinions do not equate to lying or “misandry”. Mothers United as the name implies is an organization whose focus is soley women’s issues. There are websites devoted to men’s issues and her arguements are better suited there.
This is to give you, Teri Stoddard Formal notice that many of your statements about Ms. Darkness and her organization Mothers United in your email and website articles are untrue and defamatory. You made them maliciously to injure Ms. Darkness and Mothers United in her trade, office and profession. As such, they are defamatory per se. under O.C.G.A 51-5-11, this letter constitutes a demand for immediate retraction in writing of these false and libelous statements.
In accordance with O.C.G.A 51-5-11 (B)(1)(C) Ms. Darkness and Mothers United demand that your retraction and corrections be accompanied by an editorial in which you specifically repudiated your libelous statements.
Your web postinfs and conduct also constitute tortuous interference with the business and contractual relations and public image of Ms. Darkness. As they are actionable and expose you to the imposition of compensatory as well as punitive damages.
At the beginning of this notice, we have noted some of the more patent, malicious and libelous comments made by Ms. Stoddard and Ken Deemer of shattered men (Kenneth reported that the former URL of Mothers United is now a “Black sex” soft porn blog and supposedly “speaks to her (Ms. Darkness’ character). When in fact she has no control over the content displayed on a domain no longer associated or owned by her. These posts are evidence of your tortious interference.
If Ms. Darkness and Mothers United are forced to file suit to stop your wrongful conduct, they will also seek an award and judgement for attorney fees and litigaton expenses.
These postings exceed the bounds of free speech. Your failure to correcr your erroneous and false statements and their repetition after notice of your falsehoods constitutes further publication of libel. It also constitutes malicious intent.
If you do not immediately publish the requested retraction, and cease and desist from tortuous interference and making false and mailicious statementd and comments about Ms. Darkness , her reputation and personal life, Mothers United, its officers and its programs, we will file suit against you. Please govern yourselves accordingly.
Mothers United
August 11th, 2008 at 7:06 am
“Take her house, her wealth, her reputation”
Well, lets see, I have some old sweaty gym socks and an old ratty tooth brush that any of you would be welcomed to.
August 11th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
And is your reputation in any better condition, Judgeme?
August 12th, 2008 at 2:21 am
Yes it is because I have not said and done the things that I am being accused of. Teri, keeps making claims of being misrepresented when in fact the quote “Teri Stoddard is a woman who strongly advocates for mandatory joint custody”, which she “credits” to me, was never a post that I personally made. This was a letter that was published by another visitor in response to her comments and all of the additional reasons, mentioned above in the cease and desist letter are damaging to one’s reputation.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:34 am
I know that Teri’s reputation is just as important to her which is why I am politely asking for this to stop. I am not the one who initially sought her out. She posted to a women’s group-women who have truly been abused and again abused thru the court system.
August 12th, 2008 at 5:43 am
Personally, I think nice cup of tea is in order. Where are the feminists-famed communication skills and conflict resolution skills? The empathy and understanding? The seeing things from multiple points of view? How about a multi-tasking session where you can drink and talk at the same time. Crikey, you may even get around to apologising. Maybe that’s too much to expect in a first-round negotiation but there has to be a first time for everything.
I may advocate some judicious whacking and tearing out of throats but then I am a mere man who can’t put two words together and always goes for the jugular option. But one of you could make the tea and the other bake a cake. Maybe after you can compare socks. Or juggle.
I can see that you view Teri as an honourary chap, so maybe, Judgeme, you might have to use feminine superiority and reach out first.
August 12th, 2008 at 6:09 am
I am willing to extend the olive branch and I make a fine cup of tea.
August 12th, 2008 at 7:30 am
However, we have tried to communicate with Teri to no avail. She refuses to see things from my perspective. Anything that I do say gets contrtrued as being “misandry.” And communication was cut off when Teri called my efforts to save an abused child (with evidence of said abuse) being vengeful.
August 12th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Hmm, Apparently I read a different article than the majority of responses above. I read an article about 2 little girls who are both being emotionally and physically abused by their mothers.(a title which these so called “mothers” do not deserve)
I can make these statements as a matter of fact as this is not the first time I have read about these two little girls. Having read of these abuses I have made it a point to do a little research, something the courts and VAWA funded organizations must also be aware of but are ignoring. Child abductions combined with abuse and perjury make for a deadly mix.
Sheila Fuith not only abducted Emily from her loving father in the UK and brought her to the US. Sheila has committed perjury so many times I doubt she herself knows the truth anymore. Sheila has also ignored a serious condition with Emily’s vision which has created an adverse condition which will affect Emily for the rest of her life. Make no mistake THIS IS ABUSE. How many of you readers would knowingly subject your children to this abuse?
Shannon Phillips not only abducted Madison from her stay at home father in California, Shannon comes from a family full of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. ln this case the apple does not fall far from the tree and Madison is being subjected to the same daily. Shannon will undoubtedly continue to do her Susan Smith imitation until it is too late for Madison.
Is there anything we can do to help these 2 little girls? Unfortunately because of the corruption within these VAWA funded organizations, probably not. Any attempts made through the family courts have fallen upon deaf ears as well as the courts receive Federal funds through the SS title IV-d incentives. How about the US Federal government? Not there either as Karl Hindle, Emily’s father tried and failed.
We are obviously at this point in time not a civilized society. If we were these injustices upon our children would not occur. The only resolution I can see is prayer and hopefully, someday the masses will become enlightened and together we will say, “Enough is Enough”
August 15th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Teri also libeled Mothers United when she made the statement in this post, when she said that when she “started making too much sense” she was banned from posting. Teri was asked not to post because she called my efforts to save a little boy from abuse being “vindictive.” It is a sad day for this world if that makes “too much sense” to any of us.
September 4th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Judgeme,
You have not tried very hard to contact me. My email addresses are easy to find, and I’ve received nothing from you. I’ve tried to contact you, but like you said, you disallowed that.
Funny how you use the excuse that you can’t allow me to post on your blog. Never did I have the ability to post directly on your blog. You moderated every one of my messages, and only posted the ones you chose.
I have a question to ask you. If you want nothing to do with me, why is my name on your blog again, in a new post? Looks to me like you want attention. Sorry, this is all you’re getting from me.
Please reread all of my messages to you. Maybe after a few times the truth will reveal it’s self. I wish you freedom from past memories, and the strength to see beyond them.
teri
teristoddard.org
sharedparentingworks.org
jugsforjustice.org
September 4th, 2008 at 8:37 am
john,
You are our hero! I love that you keep it so simple and pure.
teri