Sexual harassment, men’s and women’s behaviors, “Mike” and I

I think the feminists were right to point out the problem of sexual harassment. However, one barrier to effectively addressing this problem may be a common perception – and perhaps misperception — that men are always those making crude sexual remarks or gestures and women are always those embarrassed or offended.

The Kellie Pickler song, “Things That Never Cross A Man’s Mind” says “That joke is too dirty” is one of those things.

My good friend Blunner Huzka has worked as a cook for almost all of his life. He presently works at an expensive steak restaurant. He has told me that women working there have flashed their breasts at him, mooned him, and frequently make explicit sexual remarks and jokes. In fact, one of the several reasons he dislikes his job is that he dislikes the crude behavior of his co-workers, both male and female.

Hollywood Squares may not be a supreme authority. However, one question asked on a show was: “According to a recent study, who talks about sex more — men or women?”

The celebrity asked the question mulled it over for a moment and then said, “Women do.”

The host said that was the correct answer.

I’ve asked other people which sex they think talks about sex more and some of them have said it is women. Blunner Huzka believes women talk more about it than men do. I once worked with a woman who said that, especially if there are no men around, women’s conversation tends to get “rancid.” My ex-husband said he thought women tend to “talk dirty” more than men do.

I recently had an experience that may be relevant. I have to give some background for my readers to understand it. About every day, and usually several times a day, I go to a convenience store within walking distance. It is owned by a man I’ll call “Muhammad” and often worked at the cash register by “Abdullah.” The two are related.

At this store, I often talk to a construction worker named “Mike.” We’re not flirting or really friends but just acquaintances on friendly terms. He sometimes calls me “the candy monster” because I buy so much candy from the store.

Anyway, we were outside the store and I was talking to Mike and another man. I mentioned that I had recently read the Bible all the way through. Then I talked about the famous story of Adam and Eve and the Forbidden Fruit. “Everybody always says it was an apple that tempted Eve but the story in Genesis never says it was an apple,” I pointed out. “I think the Forbidden Fruit had to be the banana because the banana is the one fruit that resembles something we women often like to put in our mouths.”

“Oh, Denise!” Mike exclaimed as he grimaced. “I didn’t know you’d go there! You’re embarrassing us.”

“I’m sorry I embarrassed you,” I said. Then I changed the subject to something I’d read about math.

When I told my Blunner about this, Blunner said, “Well, you really shouldn’t make that type of a joke with someone you don’t know well and aren’t close to.”

“Do you think he really was embarrassed?” I asked. “I mean, he’s a construction worker.”

“Well, if you assume he’s a crude person because he’s a construction worker, then you’re stereotyping him,” Blunner pointed out.

“Do you think I was harassing him?” I asked.

“It doesn’t sound like harassment to me,” Blunner replied. “It sounds like a gaffe.”

Anyway, it was with some trepidation that I saw Mike again when I went to the aforementioned convenience store because I wondered if he would speak to me.

“Hi, Denise,” he said. “What are you reading?”

“It’s a book on backgammon,” I answered, showing him the slim paperback I carried.

“Abdullah, you’ve got to put a backgammon table up,” he said with a smile to the man behind the counter.

Your thoughts, dear readers?