Taking the Hassle out of the Holidays for kids – Dads can Help

Children often get caught in the middle of bitter arguments between separated and divorced parents during the holidays and are compelled to take sides. Holidays can intensify parental conflict and leave children feeling responsible during a time that should be filled with joy and wonderment.  Parents need to learn to resolve their differences before the holiday season arrives so their children can be left with memories of happiness every holiday.

Even though children of divorce are forced to divide their time between two families, they experience two celebrations. Keep Thanksgiving and Christmas a happy time.

Chairman of the Illinois Council on Responsible Fatherhood and Fathers’ Rights attorney, Jeffery M. Leving states, “there are several steps that a parent can take to make the holidays stress-free for their children and run smoother for everyone. The first is to sit down with the other parent and come to an agreement on key issues such as gifts and specific times to spend with the children.” Leving goes on to say, “clarifying issues like these in advance will eliminate disagreement and tension during the holidays.”

Often during the holidays, divorce dads make the mistake of giving their children an astronomical amount of gifts in order to compensate for the lack of quality time being spent together. Most divorced dads feel inadequate during the holidays and spend money they don’t have. Comments Leving, “you do not want to set unrealistic expectations for your children down the road. Instead, talk with the other parent about gift giving to your children so there is consistency rather than competition.”

Nationally renowned psychotherapist, Dr. Leon Intrater, references this type of excessive gift giving as the “Disneyland Parent Syndrome” caused by the loneliness divorced dads feel during the holidays. Comments Dr. Intrater, “many disenfranchised parents feel they need to make up for their absence by indulging their children. This is dangerous parenting and children will test their boundaries and try to take advantage. Competing for a child’s love and loyalty confuses a child.” “A gift I often recommend,” comments Dr. Intrater, “is a gift that can help the disenfranchised parent and children stay in touch throughout the year such as a box of personalized stationery.”

Starting new holiday traditions is another step that can be taken to focus attention on the positive aspects of the holidays. Talk to your children about how they would like to spend the holidays, and together you can create new memories that are filled with harmony and happiness. The best gift you can give your children this holiday season is permission to love both parents.

Regardless of the situation, the most important thing to remember is to always keep your children and their needs the primary focus, especially as the holiday season approaches.

For free parenting information during the holiday season, visit the Fatherhood Educational Institute at www.fatherhood-edu.org and the Illinois Council on Responsible Fatherhood at www.responsiblefatherhood.com.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 25th, 2008 at 9:17 am and is filed under Child Support & Custody, Family, Fatherhood, Society, Vox Populi. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. | 98 views | Trackback | Print this page |

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