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Don’t lie to your kids this Christmas

2008-12-10
By

From the moment a child is born there is probably no greater “universal truth” pounded into their head by society and culture than of the existence of a fat jolly man dressed in red who brings good little boys and girls presents each year with his eight tiny reindeer. It is the one great myth that is inescapable. Stores, malls, songs, programs, teachers, relatives, as well as friends and neighbors rigorously propagate and enforce this little piece of fiction. While mostly harmless and enjoyable, the story of Santa Claus is unknowingly used and abused by many well-intentioned parents who otherwise are upright and honest. They insist on lying to their children that Santa Claus is real.

My wife and I have three young daughters and from the very first we agreed that we would not lie to our children. It was our contention that to instill proper values and traits in our children would require us to be consistent and honest with them. What we would tell our children about Santa Claus was to be based upon the idea that we wanted them to always trust us and that their faith in us to lead them on the path of truth would not be compromised. Most parents would agree and do attempt to instill such basic principles into the hearts and minds of their offspring. Then why do they insist on perpetuating the lie, that Santa Claus complete with chimney tricks and bag of toys is real?    

The main argument seems to be that it would be taking the fun out of Christmas if children did not believe that Santa Claus brought them presents on Christmas Eve. As if the basis of Christmas should be a falsehood and that children would suddenly find this special time of gifts, goodwill, carols, and family a shallow shell without an unquestioning belief in Santa Claus.  

What little extra fun they may have had as small children with such a story is usually far exceeded by the bitterness and anger that an older child feels when they discover the inevitable truth. It is often a harsh experience to discover that the magical Santa Claus and all the hype perpetrated in the most complete of conspiracies is nothing but a big, bold, naked lie. Even I was surprised at the deluge of stories of disillusioned, supremely disappointed, and often very angry children who suddenly realize those they trusted the most have purposely misled them.    

The next reaction children usually have is to question everything that they have ever viewed as true. What else have they been lied to about? Everything they have been told or taught is suddenly under a cloud of doubt and suspicion. The sting of the discovery that they have been lied to usually has some nasty and unexpected results. Christians should be especially concerned as they are susceptible to their children suddenly doubting the existence of God. Why should He be viewed any differently than Santa Claus; just another mythical character portrayed as the truth by their parents.    

Though such reactions are not universal, they are far more common and consistent than most would like to believe. As I conducted my usual informal field research for this column, even I was surprised by the consistency of the stories of the “Santa reaction” by my friends, customers, and acquaintances. Very few, it seems, have chosen the path that will not result in angry children, shattered trust, and a questioned belief system. How many times do we tell our children that it is wrong to lie but then by our actions signal that it is OK in certain circumstances or if it is about certain things?   

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny should not necessarily be banned from the household and Western culture but properly presented as the silly make-believe characters that they are. Santa hats and tooth fairy pillows exist in the Huntwork household but not to the extent or at the expense of losing my children’s faith and trust.

My children fully understand that Santa Claus is a made up fictional character and I am secure in the knowledge that they have not had one less iota of fun or enjoyment this Christmas than any other child. The visit to the mall Santa and the occasional whimsical story or comment about Santa Claus is still fun but he is understood to be “pretend”. He should not be seen as any different than a character in a cartoon, a person in a play, or a star of one of my imaginative bedtime tales; fun, enjoyable and entirely fictional.  

Christmas should be a time to cherish and spend time with your family and friends as we commemorate the birth of Jesus the Messiah, the Savior of this world. He is the reason for the season and children should be properly taught that Christmas is not a season for greed and fairy tales but commemorating the Truth and cherishing the things that matter the most.

 

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  • jjtaup

    (Sorry about the formatting of the above post. Here it is again. Please delete the former.)

    Jim,

    I am not in the least saying this this men’s issues forum is simultaneously a Christian fundamentalist forum, although there are a good portion of fundamentalist who post here (the wider MND forum). Nor have I ridiculed anyone. Sorry for not having paid close enough attention to Mr. Huntwork’s last para, since it hadn’t really registered with me that he is Christian.

    I might add that I agree generally with Christian perspectives and am very cautious about casting about the aspersion, “fundamentalist.” Be that as it may, it is true that Christians tend to be literal in their interpretation of Jesus, His resurrection, His miracles, and the exclusiveness of salvation. Please note that I did not say “all Christians” or “are all literalists,” but made the mild claim that generally, in my experience, they have a tendency. Also, the word “some” is implicit in all such statements. As a further note to give added perspective, I find anti-theists and haters of religion to have a much greater tendency to be arrogantly fundamentalistic in their beliefs. I think it is because their religion goes unnamed as such, and they typically do not understand the intimate relationship between science, religion, and God. Poor fools–they have been warned!

    But fundamentalism is fundamentalism, whether about the nature of God, unGod, or Santa Claus. Take a look at the moral rot and spiritual decay of Western civilization. In my childhood, my innocence was protected and I was given the freedom to be a child. My heart was not burdened with lessons in first grade about how I should and should not be touched. Parents were not thrown in jail for giving a smart swat on their little imp’s behind. And second-grade boys were not nationally crucified for kissing the girl in the back row.

    But today everything is dissected to its atoms, measured, processed and labeled. Four legs good, two legs bad. No room for error, no siree! It’s either in the system or it’s gotta be stamped out. This is fundamentalism at it’s rotting, fetid worst. It is why men are so easily labeled as aggressors and deadbeats. Two legs! It is why hateful homosexual and feminist activists are allowed to pillage schools and poison minds. Oooh, that’s faaaaaairness! No. It’s stupidity. It’s idiocy. It’s a zero-dimensional reduction of life where…well…you only need to know wheter it has four or two legs.

    You know, the Bible says that greed is the root of all evil. Some people get the part about love of money. What they don’t get is that anything can be substituted for “money,” and that it is the tunnel-visioned and infantile fixation on that something that is the poison. The nature of this fixation is the nature of fundamentalism. They are one and the same. And let me remind you that when I say “fundamentalism,” the word “Christian” only sometimes suggests itself. It’s mostly college-educated fools and professors that come to mind.

    So back to Santa Claus. So he doesn’t “exist”? Wow, that’s deep. I’m gonna get right on that with my two-year old. It’s so very important that he know that. Of course, it’s a false statement, unless you’re so fixated upon the meaning of existence that you think only things with the subtelty of a concrete slab can exist. These are all symbols, my friend, down to the quarks that make up your body and last night’s dinner. Like a waterfall, the underlying “stuff” is a momentary phenomenon disappearing and reappearing before your eyes while you don’t even notice. It just depends on the importance with which you weight the symbols–not whether they or that to which they refer “really exist.”

    The Resurrection? Perhaps the single most important symbol and one absolutely necessary to all life. Santa Claus? A distant second, third, or fourth. But one absolutely worth cherishing. Marshmallow clouds? Ehhh. Not that important, so I’ll chuckle along with your “nonsense” comment. Nonetheless, fun!

    I think it’s naive and close-minded to say that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. I think it’s also a bit sadistic to so proudly revel in the telling of your children. But I applaud your commitments to telling your children about the truth of the resurrection and the eternal life Jesus has purchased for us all.

  • jjtaup

    Jim,

    I am not in the least saying this this men’s issues forum is simultaneously a Christian

    fundamentalist forum, although there are a good portion of fundamentalist who post here

    (the wider MND forum). Nor have I ridiculed anyone. Sorry for not having paid close

    enough attention to Mr. Huntwork’s last para, since it hadn’t really registered with me

    that he is Christian.

    I might add that I agree generally with Christian perspectives and am very cautious

    about casting about the aspersion, “fundamentalist.” Be that as it may, it is true that

    Christians tend to be literal in their interpretation of Jesus, His resurrection, His

    miracles, and the exclusiveness of salvation. Please note that I did not say “all

    Christians” or “are all literalists,” but made the mild claim that generally, in my

    experience, they have a tendency. Also, the word “some” is implicit in all such

    statements. As a further note to give added perspective, I find anti-theists and haters of

    religion to have a much greater tendency to be arrogantly fundamentalistic in their

    beliefs. I think it is because their religion goes unnamed as such, and they typically do

    not understand the intimate relationship between science, religion, and God. Poor

    fools–they have been warned!

    But fundamentalism is fundamentalism, whether about the nature of God, unGod, or

    Santa Claus. Take a look at the moral rot and spiritual decay of Western civilization. In

    my childhood, my innocence was protected and I was given the freedom to be a child.

    My heart was not burdened with lessons in first grade about how I should and should not

    be touched. Parents were not thrown in jail for giving a smart swat on their little imp’s

    behind. And second-grade boys were not nationally crucified for kissing the girl in the

    back row.

    But today everything is dissected to its atoms, measured, processed and labeled. Four

    legs good, two legs bad. No room for error, no siree! It’s either in the system or it’s gotta

    be stamped out. This is fundamentalism at it’s rotting, fetid worst. It is why men are so

    easily labeled as aggressors and deadbeats. Two legs! It is why hateful homosexual

    and feminist activists are allowed to pillage schools and poison minds. Oooh, that’s

    faaaaaairness! No. It’s stupidity. It’s idiocy. It’s a zero-dimensional reduction of life

    where…well…you only need to know wheter it has four or two legs.

    You know, the Bible says that greed is the root of all evil. Some people get the part

    about love of money. What they don’t get is that anything can be substituted for “money,”

    and that it is the tunnel-visioned and infantile fixation on that something that is the

    poison. The nature of this fixation is the nature of fundamentalism. They are one and the

    same. And let me remind you that when I say “fundamentalism,” the word “Christian” only sometimes suggests itself. It’s mostly college-educated fools and professors that come to mind.

    So back to Santa Claus. So he doesn’t “exist”? Wow, that’s deep. I’m gonna get right on that with my two-year old. It’s so very important that he know that. Of course, it’s a false statement, unless you’re so fixated upon the meaning of existence that you think only things with the subtelty of a concrete slab can exist. These are all symbols, my friend, down to the quarks that make up your body and last night’s dinner. Like a waterfall, the underlying “stuff” is a momentary phenomenon disappearing and reappearing before your eyes while you don’t even notice. It just depends on the importance with which you weight the symbols–not whether they or that to which they refer “really exist.”

    The Resurrection? Perhaps the single most important symbol and one absolutely necessary to all life. Santa Claus? A distant second, third, or fourth. But one absolutely worth cherishing. Marshmallow clouds? Ehhh. Not that important, so I’ll chuckle along with your “nonsense” comment. Nonetheless, fun!

    I think it’s naive and close-minded to say that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. I think it’s also a bit sadistic to so proudly revel in the telling of your children. But I applaud your commitments to telling your children about the truth of the resurrection and the eternal life Jesus has purchased for us all.

  • http://mensnewsdaily.com/author/jim-peterson/ Jim Peterson

    The best Easter I ever had was when I was at first infuriated to learn that the Easter Bunny didn’t exist, and by extension, Santa and the Tooth Fairy.

    My parents quickly admitted to having lied to me brazenly, as part of a cultural joke that most parents play on those they love.

    But then they said seriously that the stuff about the Resurrection was not part of the joke.

    That had the effect of making that event seem more plausible as having been the real deal. After all, my parents were admitting to multiple lies across a wide spectrum. Why were they saying the Christianity stuff was not part of the lie? I guess it also helped that my parents made religion palatable by not using it to enforce social behavior…which leads to fools like Brownback promoting feminist laws that punish men for not being perfect husbands like he thinks he is.

    I think it is great to build children up on Santa and then crushingly let them know it was all a lie.

    This prepares them to not believe that government will bring them presents all the time.

    As my father put it in his typical Humphrey Bogart imitation when I was so furious at learning about the deception: “Face it kid. If we didn’t love you, you wouldn’t have been getting anything on Christmas morning all your life.”

  • http://mensnewsdaily.com/author/jim-peterson/ Jim Peterson

    JJtaup: If you are trying to say that you think this men’s issues forum is simultaneously a Christian fundamentalist forum, I can assure you that it is not…it just seems that way at times because too many of the guys who should be fighting for their rights are out trying to get laid instead (you’d think they would take a few minutes per week to check on their rights)….or buying porn from people who would rather that their customers not ever actually meet a live woman (their competition).

    Rather than ridicule a Christian male for writing a rather logical piece about how its probably not a good idea for Christians to mix Santa and Baby Jesus and the Easter Bunny and the Resurrection, you could have shown how Christian fundamentalist Senators like Sam Brownback are the real enemy force behind vicious anti-male laws like VAWA and IMBRA, not just the lilly-livered liberal Joe Biden.

    Brownback feels that all men who don’t marry their same-age sweetheart from Bible study and STAY with her no matter what (even if she walks away)…are demons from Hell looking to fulfill evil sexual fantasies…and men who disagree with him must burn in Hell on Earth with the help of the US Government (preferably on the sex offender list). No last minute redemption is allowed.

    One can argue that this attitude is far worse, and has been far worse for men, than Marxist feminist ideology.

    So you would have plenty of ammunition if you wanted to attack the religious right here.

    The first question is…are you, JJTaup, concerned about your rights as a male?

    If so, stick around.

    And learn to fire a weapon with real ammunition (at anti-male religious freaks like Sam Brownback), not crazy references to marshmallow clouds and evergreen trees.

  • jjtaup

    P.S. Squiggy, I appreciate your asking. I do mean that sincerely.

  • jjtaup

    Hello Squiggy, Friends, and Enemies.

    Bad? Such a strong word. “Naive” is more befitting. And “wrong” is definitely accurate.

    What shall we teach our children when they first open their eyes? That they have a choice to be straight or gay, AIDs is in the waiting, and that the courts require a contract with her signature before her hand can be held. How sweet.

    You say, “pretend,” as if it’s a bad word, when, in fact, that is all we ever do, and that is what brings divinity to us. There’s nothing “real” in this existence! There’s nothing that is, in fact, what it appears to be.

    Even when He was walking the planet, Jesus wasn’t Jesus, because every cell in his body was replaced every X months (the details are available somewhere I’m sure). And His body is no longer among the respiring, so, for the literalists amongst you, why do you say He is…err…must I say it aloud?

    I’ve heard it said–St. Paul, I believe–that God is Love. Well, show me a gram of Love. Direct me to where I can slice It and examine It under a microscope. And yet, not only do I not fault you for pretending it is real, I encourage you to believe with all your heart and mind because it is your belief that brings It to life.

    You’ve probably heard, there’s this idiotic bunch–again, naive and wrong, probably not bad or evil, although some undoubtedly are–that think it’s chic to post videos of themselves denying the Spirit. Well, we know what happens to them, right? And you know why it happens? Because they DO NOT BELIEVE, and when you do not believe, you die. Unfortunately for them–and all unbelievers–death is an infinite progression, a bottomless pit. It is evil begetting darkness begetting sorrow unto eternity for as long as they choose not believe.

    In other words, it is their non-belief that brings them to death.

    You know, some things just can’t be cut, dried, and stretched to perfect squares of uniform thickness. I walk with my two-year old down the streets looking at all the Christmas lights. God, is he stupefied with amazement and happiness! Think back now to when you were a child. Did you feel anything special about Christmas? Yes! I did! And yes, my son now does! Where does that come from? What is it? Do you think science will ever find out, print it up, and thereby finally give us license to say, “Oh, I see now. The Ph.D.’s have settled the score and now I can huff and puff along with them about what’s real.”

    Of course not. Like a waterfall, your consciousness, Love, God, and a few billion other things we walk right by every day without amazement, nothing’s “real.” Or rather everything is. (And I don’t mean this in an unqualified sense, because I sure don’t belive in socialism or feminism!) It depends upon what you want to live, and what you’re willing to let die.

    My son will certainly be told that Santa Claus is real, and he will believe it, as I do, for his entire life. Because I believe in Life, Light, and Love, which is exactly what Christmas is about.

  • Squiggy

    jjtaup? I’ve tried to figure out what you’re talking about but I have no idea.

    Are you saying these guys are somehow bad because they didn’t pretend Santa is real?

  • jjtaup

    This post and its comments are turning out to be a riot! Thanks, guys, for the Holiday Cheer!!

  • http://www.shatterdmen.com/ shatteredmen

    David, I agree with your message. One thing that concerns me about santa is that for many, that is all they will hear is about santa. If we stop to think about it, what are the attributes of santa? He knows when you are sleeping, he knows if you’ve been bad or good and he is able to go to every house in a day and give presents to everyone without any means of income. Even Bill Gates could not afford to do that so I contend that santa has all of the attributes of…JESUS.

    I perfer not to teach my children about someone that actually takes glory away from Jesus Christ. I would not tell kids that there is no santa but I do tell the parents they should be honest. Another thing to consider, is that if we tell them there is a santa and they find out we lied to them, what other things will they think we have lied about?

    I also think it is very important to remember that the manger was only a stepping stone to something far more
    important…a hill called Mt Calvary which led to am empty tomb

    How Shall a King Come?
    http://www.shatterdmen.com/King.htm

  • jjtaup

    This is a joke, right?

    You’ve gone to college, right?

    And there lies the problem. Just what do you think is real, Mr. Huntwork? Are these words you’re reading, or just an ensemble of photons you’re fantasizing into being words? Or maybe it’s just synaptic impulses deceiving the homunculus with a hypnotising dance? And if that’s the case, which science assures us it is, then we can have absolutely no confidence that anything is the case.

    I’ll probably never meet you, Mr. Huntwork. I might never even see your picture. You really aren’t any more to me–and I don’t mean this as an insult–than your words that I read. And, as I’ve just demonstrated, we’re not at all sure what realm of existence they inhabit.

    All I can say to you good no-nonsense folks living in your wysiwyg world is this: What an abject and criminal shame it is that you so gleefully gougue your eyes–and those of your children–just to make the claim you see everything that can be seen.

    Those are indeed marshmallow clouds being friendly in the arms of the evergreen trees; The world IS your snowball just for a song. Until you learn it, it’s just cold.

  • merck

    I just wanted to add that in the end all that really matters is that you accept Christ as your savior.

    Some rationalize that to mean that you can live your life in sin, not giving much thought to how you’re living your life, because you “reserve the right” to be saved by accepting Christ as your savior. If it’s a last minute, genuine realization, then there will surely be forgiveness. But to think you’re entitled to be saved at the end is self-deceit.

    If you truly accept Christ as your savior, your actions in this world will reflect it. No one is going to con the one being who knows all. You will be transparent in the eyes of God.

  • merck

    Nice article.

    I agree with you, and I think the truth needs to go a lot further than Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, when they’re old enough to understand. We need to teach them the truth about everything, but in order to teach them the truth; we need to know what the truth is.

    Namely, that we increasingly live in a Fascist Police State, not a Republic, or a Democracy. My biggest disappointment in life was discovering that truth, as opposed to the fairytale I grew up wanting to believe.

    We need to teach them that the Constitution is being ignored by public servants sworn to uphold it. An intact Constitution is arguably the most precious gift we could possibly pass to our children, and at this point, we’re not able to do that.

    Above all else, is that you come into this world naked and penniless and will leave it the same way. All that matters in the end is how you lived your life. Nothing else matters, especially material things.

    Merry Christmas







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Man up.

Buy the book now on Amazon.com. Or listen to Ronnie tell a story at escaping-from-reality.com.

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