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What does it mean to men that they make the first move?

2008-12-15
By

I happened to see an old movie recently that was about a man searching for a wife. His proposals are repeatedly rejected. As I watched this character and felt for him in his embarrassment and disappointment, I couldn’t help but reflect on a truth about romantic and sexual relationships as it regards the genders: men are the ones expected to initiate such relationships and the ones who in fact usually do.

This is true regardless of whether the intimate relatioship is expected to be longterm or fleeting. Men propose marriage and ask for dates and hook-ups.

Within an ongoing relationship, marital, cohabiting, or dating, the man remains the one who usually initiates sexual activity. Which means he is usually the one who must repeatedly risk refusal, along with the sad emotions that accompany it: disappointment, dejection, embarrassment, and self-doubt.

We customarily refer to the person who does the asking in romantic and/or sexual relationships as the “aggressor.” This term obscures the vulnerability of the role. The term “supplicant” seems better suited to capturing that vulnerability.

It seems likely to me that the majority of men feel like supplicants in intimate relationships of all sorts. Men who are frequently refused may, with good reason, feel like beggars.

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  • Veterans Abroad

    Regarding the first move…there is a huge trend in Western Europe for young women to just ignore emails from males whom they initially liked well enough to give their email address to. The reason is because feminism teaches women to "Second Guess" the men they have already met and liked. Feminism also teaches women that they will be attractive forever…which causes the youngest adult women to put too much value on themselves…enabling them to think that being rude to men is OK.

    So men are facing landmines galore even after they have successfully impressed a woman to consider being his friend. Men are being second guessed without their having done anything wrong. All the man has to do is send an email in order to make the woman second guess him. Feminism really does teach hate.

    I think the above is more of a Men's Rights issue than any law the US Congress has passed recently.

  • Veterans Abroad

    Steve Deluca: Please do not leave us. Please post more articles at MND instead.

    It was not extreme for Martin to point out that older men want to date younger women. It is nice to have older women join the MRM, but since most laws like IMBRA are based on older feminists wanting to stop men from dating younger foreign women…it is impossible for the MRM to ignore the issue in the hope of gathering or keeping female allies. It is a scientific fact that an age difference is mostly an imperative. Some say 5-10 years. I would say that a 20-30 year difference is about right in terms of what the average man wants. Most men fail to marry whom they want and marry whom they can get…or they marry too early, not realizing that, when they turn 50, they will want to settle down with someone who hadn't been born when they married their first wife. I have found women to be comfortable with someone 20 years older…except in feminist or religio-matriarchal societies where they are trained to despise such a difference. The average viewer of women's tennis is a male over 40. The draw is the short skirts of the 19 year old players.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Peach Peach

    It would seem to me to be a scary & frustrating act. The man may get "tougher" or he may get bitter. But as there still women & men who view relationships as pleasant, though risky, financial transactions, there is still a long way to go.

  • http://www.singleparents.org.nz julie

    Good on you daveinga. It is like no-one is listening to the moderates. Only the extreme get a voice.

  • daveinga

    yeah, i checked my ancestry too.
    lots of difference in age overall.

    for instance my great grandaddy outlived 3 wives

    and got married to an 18 y.o. gal when he was 92.

    your right though, it was not a marriage of love so much,
    from what i can tell.

    heck, he didn’t even want to marry her.

    he had to.

  • http://www.singleparents.org.nz julie

    MartianBachelor, I am amazed at women I meet in their 60′s who are taking care of their husbands in their late 80′s and 90′s. I don’t think for one minute that women are less useful to men as they age.

    There is no-one I can find yet in my family tree that has such big gap in their marriages. This idea of older men marrying younger women must be something that is in certain cultures.

    I actually thought that the young married the young. Yet, I have seen middle age men enjoy the young women’s nativity from working in hotels part time in the past. And I have seen the young women enjoy the older men’s generosity. So I can see the attraction. Yet, I don’t see it last.

    I am more inclined to think that women have forgotten how we all were as children and youth. We didn’t care about sex and age back them. We looked at each other as equals. We understood each other’s pain. We were best of friends.

    We still are best of friends in certain circles. That’s how I see SD words in other men. Because some circles still share their feelings and thoughts.

    I think one lesson in life is that when you are at the lower class; you have much healthier relationships because you are not judging one another. You instead draw on each other to get through life.

    I don’t blame the baby boomers for anything. They had opportunities to all move together from the lower class to the middle class. But now to move from the lower class to the middle class means to be less available in community and let go of your old friends and some family members. Sometimes to be generous means to be broke.

    To move to the upper class is even lonelier. That is why, I think, that the upper class is all about becoming richer and richer. They have to fit in with high class people. You can say that they are generous once they have lots of money if they remember where they came from but this world is full of people who want to cut down the wealthy that most just look at it as a tax break.

    I personally think that masculinity and femininity are very special. One is for structure and the other for nature. We can have both. We need both. But….

    I am not a fan of marriage. I only did it for it was a part of societies expectation. Same with my husband. And yes, there was a baby involved. We didn’t get to evolve as best friends. Instead we chose to put on a ‘hat’ and join the rat race.

    I see so many relationships end because men and women have lost each other in walking the line of societal responsibility. Never again to have the chance to use their full potential. They are just an asset or a liability. Nothing more than capitalism themselves.

  • MartianBachelor

    What does it mean?

    It means not too many women think very logically about these things… The traditional/archaic dating sex roles date back to a time when people married young and largely stayed married for life because of the strong social pressure to do so. At age 16 or 19 or whatever, her value on the market was high; he had little other than potential at that point. Twenty-five or thirty years later, the situation with regard to their mate value is reversed: her value has dropped to about zero, while if he’s realized his potential his value may be high.

    When people married for life, things evened out in the long run. Both were equal in that each got to spend a significant number of years paired with somebody they didn’t “deserve”, or that they were of much higher value than, depending on how you want to look at it. The lack of divorce caused us to overlook the fact that older women aren’t on anybody’s “must date” list, though it was recognized that a woman unfortunately widowed (or abandoned) at, say, age 40+ needed to have an inheritance or an endowment or a dowery in order to make her “attractive” to some man, that she otherwise was uncompetitive with women fifteen or twenty years younger.

    Today’s women don’t seem to realize that it is mate value and not sex/gender which is the important variable, and that it trends in different directions for the two sexes, that women’s decreases beyond their early thirties, while men’s can increase up through their forties and even well into their fifties. The crossover point is at about age 30, maybe a little higher, which is just at that age where the female marriage rate starts to plummet, for reasons which extend even beyond what I’m covering here.

    Today’s women think the advantage they had when they were in their late teens or twenties is some birthright of being born female. They’re unable or unwilling to see that at 45 they’re in about the same position as a seventeen year-old boy is. So all they do is complain about how men their age don’t want to date women their age — mistakenly thinking equivalent age somehow makes them equal — or that “chivalry is dead” or that “there are no good/decent/REAL men”, or, well I’m sure all the complaints and laments are familiar.

    But if they were more interested in dates and love and relationships (as the social mythology has it) than they were in playing the poor little victim of evil/unworthy men to the bitter end, they’d realize that if they actually wanted to go out on a date they’d have to do what the seventeen year-old boy has to do: ask, pursue, plan, pay, etc. But instead they’re stuck in their Cinderella Complexes, or being “old fashioned”, or believing biology-is-destiny arguments about how the man has to be the hunter/pursuer/chaser, when it comes to dating. Because nothing in the culture is telling them the truth, certainly not the feminism which liberated them and enabled them to have to money to actually be able to afford what the seventeen year-old boy likely struggles to be able to do.

    So it all means something different depending on what ones age is, as well as what ones sex is. The number of men who pretty much know the score here is really rather higher than is widely appreciated. I mean, how can there be a huge man shortage when single men outnumber single women by a factor approaching 30% (maybe more) in the 35-50 age group? It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with men not making the first move, because those guys are invisible compared to those who do what women dictate. There are plenty of guys who are asking “why is that The Rule when I didn’t have a seat at the table where it was being decided? Isn’t it sorta like taxation without representation? To hell with that nonsense!”

  • http://www.singleparents.org.nz julie

    I meant

    julie@singleparents.org.nz

    We are an qualified and funded organisation.

  • http://www.singleparents.org.nz julie

    OK, just one more. Mike La Salle, I have something I want to share on your site. Can you please e-mail me to give your address.

    julie@singleparents.co.nz

  • http://www.singleparents.org.nz julie

    Gosh, now another comment. (a bit embarrassing)

    SD, about your comment of men being protectors. I don’t know if I should be shamed to agree. I do want what men want mostly. I do care.

    Men in NZ have been on radios and TV over this. Feminism can’t work in NZ because the women won’t let go of the man as the warrior. It has made it easier for men to say in public and on TV, “Feminism is crap” and “I go out and can get laid so easily now adays” and “We would be what the feminists say except they are just a clicky group and the most women won’t allow us to be less else we can’t get together”.

    And then there is the TV docos about who carries the big boxes and who sleeps on the side of the bed to be the first to jump out to get the intruder”.

    I feel really bad for what my sisters have done and do. But I did not know of this. And I am sooooo sorry for it happening.

    But…. men don’t make women feel smart. You can’t feel smart when you don’t follow what men do.

  • http://www.singleparents.org.nz julie

    To continue. Thank-you so much to let me use your comment Steven. I will take good care of it.

  • http://www.singleparents.org.nz julie

    steven deluca, sometimes I wish we all remember the days gone by. Don’t change the way you are wonderful man. Please do not.

    So few dare to remember and that is what is getting us into so much trouble.

    I know you through other men. I know most women remember you but they have got lost like all of us.

    But, I don’t know of a book from Warren Farrell.

    To be really honest with you; I fight both the feminists and the MRM in NZ. Intellectuals have been at war for 30 years and we in the middle are considered just a price to pay. That’s why I appreciate you so much.

  • steven deluca

    Julie, did you read “Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say” by Warren Farrell?

  • steven deluca

    Julie, what I would like is if you clean up what I wrote and share it all you want.

    I grew up really poor, no books in the house, field work,bad schools, started behind, … add that poor education to boxing, teaching karate, prison and army/ police fights, so some brain damage mixed with a crappy early education. Typical lower-class boy I didn’t start school with advantages and I entered a classroom much better set up for my sister: fine motor movements, language, so I HATE seeing what I write because I recognize the many mistakes and feel like a hick and that taps into social inferiority (smile – ha, somehow I escaped that and I think it was macho, cute Italian tough guy with pretty and smart girl friends who hung out with me, gave me some books, etc. Somehow I didn’t get beat down as much as most boys did, not sure why)

    So, you don’t have to change those things but I would like it if you fixed the grammar and punctuation and then send me a copy too 1stevendeluca@comcast.net

    Also, “women can’t hear what men don’t say” should be expanded to women can’t hear what men say that isn’t what women want to hear.

    Growing up with a twin sister helped me be confident with women and girls. Running and lifting weights, all my life, and finding women who appreciate a man with a good body and who was “macho” for the fun of it but didn’t take it seriously, helped too. Being with three wives who were better educated, sexy, fun, kind, helped me heal from the early childhood sarcasm of female teachers and some women including my mother and her friends.

    My wife and I pretend I am the tough one, and in real life, while we were in AK both of us last summer, camera in one hand and bear spray in the other, I decided that she was my soul mate as we followed a grizzly up the river. Neither of us is tougher than the other but she likes the idea of me protecting her. I think that’s NORMAL< what do you think?

    So, go for it – share what you want and I am glad you want to do that – and if you want to share more, email me directly.
    SD
    PS men that make women feel safe,smart, sexy,and loved, are appreciated very much just as women who make men feel safe, smart, sexy and loved. I often ask men and women to list ten things they are looking for in a man or woman – after hearing that “a good man is hard to find” or ” a good woman is hard to find… and it amazes me how some who are sloppy, bad dressers, bad personal care, not that smart, or brave, or rich, think they deserve more than they have to give. Have you seen that?

    SD

  • http://www.singleparents.org.nz julie

    Great comments. Amfortas, trust you to know so much. (smile)

    Steven Deluca, I would very much like to use your comment and pass it on where women can read it. They often say, “Women don’t hear what men don’t say”.

    I don’t know about feminists but I would think women in general could learn something from this.

  • amfortas

    Women are constantly complaining that men do not express their feelings. The ‘First Move’ is an authentic expression of feeling, generally by men, and responded to by prevarication, coyness, mendacity and lies, no matter what their natural inclination at the time might be, generally by women. Women – generally – are hypocrits who project their maladaptive ‘feelings’ onto men. They refuse to ‘own’ their own feelings and much of their behaviour is an inauthentic mask.

  • NikkisDad

    amfortas,

    Your comments are right on target. It’s time for men to just “say no” and refuse to play these silly little head games when it comes to dating and relationships with females. After all, women have told us for decades now that they want to be treated as equals. So it’s time that they start accepting some responsibility and start acting like equals.

    As a somewhat older male myself, I am pleased to say that I have found many women who are not afraid to make the “first move.” I am not sure if this is a sign of the times, or a sign of the maturity level of the women involved. Regardless of which scenario is true, I will never, ever again waste my time with a female who acts like some silly little entitlement princess. I hope that more men will adopt this attitude.

  • amfortas

    Phew, Steve, that was a hell of a lot off your chest, my friend. It leaves very little for anyone else to say !

    Yes, Denise, the rejection bit is always a problem for young boys and young men and I can tell you that it gets no better with practice. Being poked in the eye with a sharp stick when there is scar tissue covering your cornea is no less painful.

    Women know full well the two main things that pertain. 1. That while the man is expected to take the lead, she doesn’t have to feel that same rejection; and 2. It puts her into the more powerful position. It is in her interest to keep the bias going. So much for the vaunted female ‘empathy’.

    As an older man my view is that I have had quite enough of that stupid game which starts from the first move with the woman having a vested interest in hurting rather than having the same loving courage that men have.

    Does it result in a resentment by men? I believe it does. This in turn is expressed quietly, usually by men withdrawing. Women then feel the guilt of their own selfishness and rather than carry the consequence they ‘fear’ men disliking them and rejecting them in turn. And what do they do with their guilt and fear? They project the guilt onto men and use the fear as a rationale for rejecting and hurting men even more.

    It is a stupid, maladaptive behaviour.

    Call it ‘Tradition’ as many do. It makes little difference. It is still a con-job. It is self-deluding as well.

  • Thom

    Steven has it, though Denise is pretty close. When I was a young man I did feel like a beggar as a result of the constant rejection. I was told it made me look desperate which is something that still amuses me.

    Now as an educated man looking to make his way in the world, I’m finding I’m, “Quite the catch.” Yet, all these stories I read on here about women like Mary Winkler who murder their husband and eventually get her kids back make me wonder why I should ever let myself be caught at all.

    Add to it the laws in this country that criminalize male sexuality (sexual harassment) and you see the falling rates of marriage. I met a woman at my work place that I won’t dare ask out because I know at any time she can have me fired if the relationship goes bad. Who wants to walk on eggshells to stay employed? It’s a shame too because we’d probably be great together.

    Denise, I would say we are vulnerable just not the way you think. I’d trade all manner of hurt feelings for not having to fear ending up being a slave to a woman who wants to stay living in a lifestyle she has become accustomed to. This link bellow is exactly how I feel about dating in this day and age:

    http://city-journal.com/2008/18_4_darwinist_dating.html

    Such is the life of the single male.

  • steven deluca

    sgmlee
    The name you are looking for is Warren Farrel: Why Men Are The Way They Are” “The Myth of Male Power” “Why Men Earn More”

    Everyone knows Steinem’s name and few, in comparison, know Farrell’s name.

    Steinem got it wrong, isn’t educated in areas that one needs to be to “get it” about gender issues. Farrell was in Whose Who in the US and The World, does have his PhD, has worked with thousands of women, thousands of men, thousands of couples… but in the million classrooms discussing gender this year it’s Steinem’s name that will come up, a woman who dispises one gender, men, and not Farrell’s name, a man who respects both genders enought to speak to both, to praise both, to hold both accountable. So,Christmas, buy his books and send them to your local high school librarian and ask for a “men’s studies” section that includes more than the writings of kiss ass feminist men. (And no, not all feminist men are kiss ass)

  • steven deluca

    We easily recognize it when a new female employee must bring coffee as something “sexist”, how offensive, as if new male employees are not also go’phers. [go for this, go for that] The idea of women waiting on men is a click factor in feminism. Taught to see such things a certain way in male and female interactions, feminist get that click moment seeing women serve men. Women bowing down to men is offensive to almost all women, serving men is a symbol of servitude. So is bowing down or bringing gifts to get attention as if your presence needs presents. You will see men in advertising with just their hand in the photo frame, or the back of their head, offering women gifts. Doesn’t matter what he looks like as long as he brings her something of value “Worn out phrases, longing gazes won’t get it, anymore” Mama Cass. Or as modern women say “He brought me roses, a card and took my out to dinner, what a bore, all my friends get that PLUS diamonds.”

    The women in the advertising frame isn’t offering him a gift… or is she? Isn’t it implied that he might, if he gets lucky, get the greatest gift of all, the temporary access to her vagina, if he palys his cards right… while she will be wearing seductive clothing or in a seductive pose lying on a bed, or sprawled on a sofa. Advertisers always tell males “if you have skills, good cars, money, gifts” the odds that a women will want to be with you are higher, – and they are.

    But if you look at Chivalry, men opening doors and standing when women enter a room (That includes generals age 60 overseas finding American “girls” age 20, doughnut dollies, showing up on military bases.) Korean men asked me, when I was a young, age 22, miltary police Sgt., while watching this, if it’s true that American men are seen as inferior to women. I said YES, it’s true, but we all pretend it’s not true. Feminists have taught us that we see women as inferior – so that’s why we won’t let them die in our wars, or coal mines.

    These doughnut dollies are often less than attractive (although appreciated) I didn’t run around with them while some dorks said “wow, there are women here with round eyes” can I dance with you. One women said “why haven’t you asked me to dance with you?” and I said “I didn’t stand in line for women stateside I don’t plan on starting her. Really, how pathetic, to see four or five men standing in a line to dance with “round eyes”.

    The doughnut dollies – in SOME cases – had found a way to travel and as a scarce item, men vastly outnumbering them in military areas, they got the same “attention” (gifts, bowing, pleads for sex) that their prettier sisters grow up with. (read “I love my gun more than you” – I think that’s the title- female soldier in Iraq wrote it I believe)

    If you see a film where others bow down to Kings and Queens and kiss their rings, Popes too, … you “get it” those bowing and kissing hands, rings, feet, are inferior, but somehow men pulling out chairs, opening doors, bowing and kissing hands, on a knee asking for the legal requirment [Marriage contract] that if they ever leave their “servitude” [ working and providing until death - or until her boredom with a drone causes her to walk out with half the stuff or more] – Until death or boredom do us part] you would/could/should see men bowing, kissing, bringing presents and “begging” for a date … for what it is. Needy, inferior, subjugated behaviors.

    Many women want to KEEP chivalry alive, they like it, it’s “sweet” but a man asking a woman to bring him a beer, on her way back from the kitchen, damn, servitude sucks. Yes, we women want equal jobs, equal power, education, but not plumbing jobs, not front lines in war, not supporting a man! … and PLEASE not fishing in AK or coal mining in Virgina either… and we want to be treated equally except, well, we still want to be catered to as if we are queens, ya, that’s right, treat me like a Queen and let’s call that romantic and “If you get lucky you might get some.”

    MOST men and boys feel sexually and morally inferior to females and find that they must “perform” or trade something else, because, you know, she has breasts, or whatever… smile This message is drummed into teens in popular movies, boys having sex with pies, ya right, boys being jerks and then coming around and getting on knees, acting right, common theme, immature boys and young men who just don’t get it that they are supposed to get careers and support women then lose their ass in divorce, lose their “stuff” lose their kids, … maybe boys and young men “Do get it” and that’s why so many are dropping out. I asked, as the twin brother of a sister, my jr high teachers why boys were expected to ask for the date, buy flowers, provide the car, money for dinner, – she said “That’s to prepare boys to show that they can be good providers” – Feminist complain that women in the 50′s were “kept out of” this and that while totally not seeing how much pressure there was on boys to learn to provide and then learn the tricks, standing, bowing, and pretending to be honest while if we were honest we would get out faces slapped. And how is it that male sexuality became something seen as wrong, flawed, inferior, disgusting,unless of course the prerequisite tap dancing, the right amount of ass kissing, therite words, and a willingness to commit to her needs came first. (And no, the HOOK UP culture isn’t any better today – we can’t seem to find the right balance.)

    And for other men, those who can provide goods and services beyond what the average man gets, … such men often find that somehow the women he knows at work, or church, of with his circle of friends, ALL know of women who would “like to get to know him better” if only he would ask her out.

    Rare is the man, and they do exist, that are smart, funny, attractive and have “enough” money (not rich but enough to live well) that find women treating him as most men treat most women – if not as equal, then as if she were less than equal.

    One of the leaders of the men’s movement got down on his knees to ask his future “partner” to marry him andd he bragged about it, sort of. Imagine Abzug, Steinem, Hillary on a knee begging for her man to marry her – it’s a laugh.

    In the animal kingdom males often perform, duel, bring treats, for a chance to mate… and although we brag about being better than that, for most men they think it’s “COOL” the way that they seduced a woman with the right wine, dinner date, music, … smooooooth guy, laid out $500 for a weekend and then asked, at the end, could I see you again, while wondering if he should kiss her or not (while she is thinking, I hope this doesn’t mean he thinks I OWE him something) Most men at one time or another have heard a woman say to him, or one of his buddies, “I hope this doesn’t mean you think I owe you something” before the guy even makes a move. Such women don’t see that as an insult. That’s how secure some women are that they are desired and he is not and it’s OK to mention it verbally because guys are so used to being rejected they won’t even feel insulted.

    I believe it was an Oprah Magazine where they went on about how clever Michael Douglas was when he “seduced” his wife. She (forgot her name) loved Jewelry (like her mother did, I think… her mother taught her to make men wait) and M D was so clever, he bought her LOTS of Jewelry and he waited a year and in the end, she capitulated – (can you imagine debasing your wife telling others you made her wait a year, panting, dog on a leash, down girl, until you have proven yourself) and of course the Oprah crew thought “how romantic” – I believe there is also a prenuptial where if he cheats (maybe it’s nonsexist and it’s if either cheats, but I don’t think so) then he losses a wheelbarrow full of cash.

    Was it Pres Bush’s wife with some politican in the press a year or two ago, getting her hand kissed, she with her smug smile looking at the press. I like her as a person but that moment, as a woman, I saw something in her that I didn’t like and I wondered, again, why men feel the need to go along with women acting so humble while wmoen speak of male ego and male arrogance… while women are trashing men as often as women do, men are stumbling over themselves to prove they are better than other men, doing tricks for female approval.

    We feel our mothers power while she decides to show love or give us cookies,or punish us, when we are boys (some of us) (The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world) and then we feel the awesome power of female teachers those first years of school with mom backing the teacher – with mom and the teachers seeming to be omnipotent, we know so little, they know so much, … and now it’s grades instead of cookies and love… then sexual needs hit hard in Jr High and boys want to see women’s bodies, touch them, kiss them… at some point I think almost all men find a pattern of sucking up to women to avoid pain and for hoped for rewards that is built on their first 20 years of life so, how they hell would they be able to change when they are MEN?

    Going along with what women wants becomes secong nature to most men, becomes such a habit most men don’t even recognize it. They talk about how controlling their wives are or how easily upset, how easily their wives are “disappointed” as the man tries to find a way to “make her happy” Recently we are discovering how many decisions women make in the home, and about money, and pretending this is something new, something gained by feminism. I doubt it. With women writing in women’s magazines about teaching their sons to respect and cater to women… I think this has gone on a very long time. Imagine any man bragging about teaching his daughter to “serve men” he would be stomped on by the first women who heard him suggest that.

    Go Denise, point out the most obvious things that are totally overlooked, we need to look. There should be a MasterCard advertisement: Man holding door, free, man bowing down, kissing hand, no expensive, man bringing gifts and begging for a date, priceless.

    Men begging for woman’s approval is a common theme. Watch Biden and Obama the next four years, watch Michael Moore too. They despise men and love women. Imagine a woman kissing a man’s hand bowing down. Steinem would have gotten rid of that long ago for women, how degrading. In the “Run Away Bride” you saw Julie Roberts on her knees asking a man to marry her after she humiliated him by standing him up at their wedding. At that time it seemed appropriate. A scene where a woman is on her knees to a man in American culture is as rare as a scene with a woman peeing sitting on a toilet – men are often portrayed in movies being slapped, or on their knees, or begging to get laid, or peeing … I guess such scenes add “reality” to the movie.

    Ya, Denise, you nailed this one, men asking for dates, approaching women, is a form of begging for most men and yet most men and women pretend it’s not. It’s just Chivalry. Michael Crichton in “Disclosure” 1993 wrote about a man being sexually harassed and no one believing him. There was one character – might have been a female attorney, discussing a man asking a woman in the office out, five times, they ended up married – back then, because it’s expected that men try hard, prove their desire, but even in 1993 as Crichton wrote those lines, they knew that a man would be brought up on sexual harassment charges if he asked more than once because, you know “no means no” … right. We men and our sons are walking a fine line the last 25 years in particular and no one gives a damn. Well, Denise notices and so do a few others, but it’s not a trend, is it?

    Sorry to go on as I sometimes do… writing to the void. Knowing that in my lifetime men expressing such feelings are almost totally ignored. Again, I have been married to three women since age 20, 42 years ago was my first marriage, after basic training, army. They were all good women, all professionals, and I have been lucky in love, but I watch my son and his friends knowing how they will be arrested for DV for a push over ten years in a realationship, or they will be expected to kiss women’s butts or seen as “unworthy” men if the speak up against DV propagand in their “gender studies” class.
    I see some so many boys not learning to reead well while billions are poured into helping female “catch up” in math and I know that those who can read well can get through college with little math while those who can’t read well end up droping out… they are living in a world where up is down, black is white, and women demand more and more of men while in today’s paper, Santa Rosa CA Press Democrat, they ask why so many men in the Santa Rosa area are committing suicide. An old topic, portrayed as new, and in the end nothing will be done about it. Two million men in prison, so what?, shoot the bastards. Homeless men, tough s$&t, Men die younger, much younger, stress and dangerious jobs, whatever.

    My new years resolution, drop out of men’s stuff for a year. After decades of speaking up and hearing women say “You just don’t get it” I am taking my ten year break. (I have done this a couple of times before and whether I rant, recant, … won’t make much difference. The day we are vulnerable to enemies, the day women notice that few of their daughters can find a well-educated man, the day the money runs out for prisons, perhaps then the stupid politicians kissing NOW’s butt will notice how we need MEN and not boys, to take care of the country.

    This tirade didn’t help the choir I am preaching to, and the feminist spies that check in at MND realize that we are out gunned a 1,000 to one so what difference does it make if some man really does “get it” as long as most men feel bad, guilty, dirty, and cave in to all the needs of women from work, to welfare, to health issues, to education to bowing down, kissing ass, and calling it Chivalry.

    SD

    SD

  • sgmlee

    At first I thought, “This lady is right on, she git’s it.” Then I remembered reading this a couple of years ago. I’m trying to remember the author’s name. A guy with a Ph.D. Ferrel?







Right.

Man up.

Buy the book now on Amazon.com. Or listen to Ronnie tell a story at escaping-from-reality.com.

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