House in Malibu
On a February 28, 2008, appearance on Fox & Friends, I said that a woman meeting a man at a party will assess his value to her based purely on his profession: “If he says ‘I’m a doctor,’ she thinks, house in Malibu; if he says, ‘I’m a teacher,’ she thinks, Chevy Malibu.” Men encourage women to behave this way.
For the most part, relationships begin, endure, and end over money — because people don’t know the meaning of love. Just look at those parting gifts: alimony and child support. Even though our parents taught us that love trumps money, the setbacks we sustain in dating, marriage, and divorce don’t reflect that teaching. Maybe that’s because our parents didn’t walk their talk.
Every Valentine’s Day, which I urge all men to boycott, De Beers goads us into measuring a man’s “love” for his woman by the number of karats he places on her finger. Listen to women and men bragging about those karats, proving De Beers’s success.
And, by the way, have you ever noticed that people attribute the twin sobriquets of generosity and stinginess only to men? Just think about the last time you heard anybody accusing a woman of being cheap with a man. Do men challenge this? No.
Finances Are Private
People don’t know the meaning of love, but they do know the meaning of money. So, here are three familiar examples of how money trumps love:
- Because a divorce can cause a man to lose his kids and 75% of his wealth (property, pension, securities, cash, legal fees, child support, and spousal support), in almost every case, he’ll stay in a caustic marriage — sacrificing personal happiness — rather than sustain financial loss. Instead, he’ll irrationally wait for his wife to divorce him (wives initiate 70% of all divorces) and ultimately lose more.
- Manhattanites (for example) will, without hesitation, drive or fly many miles for business or job opportunities, or to purchase paintings, but won’t “inconvenience” themselves to pursue romances — regardless of their merits — in Long Island or New Jersey. It’s amazing that those who constantly complain about lacking love in their lives would rather be alone or settle for nearby booty calls than disturb their comfortable routines to find worthy, albeit geographically undesirable, partners.
- When total strangers meet on a blind date or at a party and find themselves hot for each other, they will — in a heartbeat — find a bed, expose their genitals, and exchange bodily fluids. Would they so hastily expose their finances and exchange balance sheets? Of course not. Finances are private; genitals (normally called private parts) are not.
Many men have told me that their ex-wives had threatened divorce unless they received Jaguars or diamonds or vacations or new homes. And, these men, in every case, relented to such extortion, deciding to delay their inevitable divorces, which ended up costing them more in the long run.
Is such extortion predictable? Absolutely. When a man flashes his cash to attract a woman, she’ll wave it back at him — after she takes it. So, when you hear a man say that his relationship or marriage is based on love, look more closely. Just ask him how his girlfriend or wife is handling his new-found frugality in this economic downturn — if she’s still there.
The NoNonsense Bottom Line
As long as men and women allow money to trump love — an unfortunate fixture in our culture — they’ll find it impossible to have functional, healthy, and happy relationships and marriages.
The reality is, most of them don’t care. And, they prove this by how they live: women equate their femininity to how much money men spend on them; men equate their masculinity to how much money they spend on women — just ask the ones who feel emasculated when women pay for dinner.
Three signs that money does not trump love in your life:
- Spending money is never, ever the “man’s role”
- Money — given or received — is never tied to self-worth, masculinity, or femininity
- When necessary, both man and woman will inconvenience themselves — through time invested, sleep lost, and distance traveled — to be with each other.
About the Author
Marc H. Rudov is a globally known radio/TV personality, relationship coach, and author of 90+ articles and the books Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables (ISBN 9780974501727), and The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth (ISBN 0974501719). Mr. Rudov, the 2008 recipient of the National Coalition of Free Men’s “Award for Excellence In Promoting Gender Fairness In The Media,†is a regular guest on Fox News Channel’s Your World with Neil Cavuto and The O’Reilly Factor.
Rudov’s books, articles, blog, radio/TV archives, and podcasts are available at TheNoNonsenseMan.com.
Copyright © 2009 by Marc H. Rudov. All rights reserved.
