Darrin Albert NCFM, MS Psychology
As a masculist and scholar of mens psychology, I have often witnessed a less-than-savory mindset in the mens movement….which is the macho (a.k.a. brainwashed) propensity to “play the hero” and ignore man’s own oppression and highly preventable social problems that restrict their life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. In psychology there is a cognitive bias called “learned helplessness” where an organism “learns to be powerless” even in the face of hope, mastery, control, potential change, coping strategies, options, and resources. Below you will see self-deprecating statements of a so-called masculist who refuses to seek a better life for himself. Next to these statements you will also see a potentially typical statement by a female feminist. Notice how the feminist statement is much less prone to make similar excuses in order to acquire more “chivalry privilege”. It is my belief that one of the impedences of the men’s movement is man’s propensity to “play the hero” and “suffer in silence” whereas females often might “play the victim” and “suffer loudly”. Not only is chivalry a form of anti-male sexism, but it is curious how some feminists expand chivalry to not only mean “women AND children” but rather “women ARE children”. After all, there are two types of people in society who are pampered, protected, and kept from harm….women and children. And when it comes to safety, protection, health, and pampering, it is women who are privileged.
My stance is that women are NOT babies, and men are NOT disposable (where a “new chivalry” should extend to man, woman, and child). Male machismo backfires by giving off the false impression that men lack empathy, vulnerability, tear ducts, and are incapable of feeling pain……..after all, some vegetarians make an exception and justify eating fish because “fish don’t have feelings”. I can’t help but suspect that some feminists (and men for that matter) apply similar logic to justify misandry and male-disposability in both love and war (and it should be noted that all is NOT fair in love and war….at least for males). And these issues are very real. It is the so-called “big tough” men who comprise the vast majority of the homeless, the prison population, those who face unfair dating expectations (like spending money on dates, wedding rings, flowers, spa packages, and other creature comforts), those who face unfair bread-winning obligations, those who are victims of violence, those who face domestic violence bias, those who face custody/divorce bias, those who complete suicide, those who experience sentencing bias, those who experience chivalry bias, those who experience pay-gap myth bias, those who are victims of the female-dominated spending-gap, those who face false accusations, those who end up as job fatalities, those who fall prey to the longevity gap, those at the glass cellar (the bottom of the corporate ladder), those who endure emotional suppression and the lack of “crying privileges”, those who experience health funding bias (like prostate cancer vs. breast cancer), those who are war casualties, those who are under semantic bias vis-a-vis gender politics, and those who are objectified based on their success, status, machismo, earning potential, and heroism.
Scenario:
So-called male masculist (with learned-helplessness): “Male disposability is biological destiny. A female egg is more valuable than the millions of worthless male sperm. Men are destined to protect child-bearing women. Men are also naturally more violent, which explains the higher suicide rate, job fatality gap, the glass cellar, and the higher prison population. It is the way of things….just as men are destined to be the providers and protectors of women. Besides, it is unmanly to complain, cry, or whine about it”. Notice how “machismo” can be so self-deprecating and manipulative. I am reminded of the “Stockholm syndrome” where male “slaves” become convinced to fall in love with their “captors”….in a certain manner of speaking (at least that is what female masculist Esther Vilar might say).
So-called female feminist (without learned-helplessness): “Rape is NOT biological destiny. Rape is NOT a rare but predictable byproduct of male-competition and the survival of the fittest alpha-males fighting for opportunities to copulate and extend familial genotypes and phenotypes. There is NO excuse for rape. It is the PATRIARCHY that leads to the raping of women. We need to stop this madness. The same can be said for a woman’s oppressive expectation to be ‘chained to the stove’. We need change! And we will fight men to get it.”
My input: One may learn a lot about how men and women are expected to behave by reading these two pieces of discourse. Notice how the so-called male masculist is trying to sound intellectual and logical, and yet following the traditional restrictive decorum to “suffer in silence” and “take it like a man” and making excuses in the process. Notice how the so-called female feminist is essentially doing the opposite….she is NOT accepting the status-quo as the proverbial “way of things”. She is voicing the victim-status of women loud and clear….and perhaps attracting a plethora of alpha-male feminists to come to her rescue in the process. Despite “feeling” liberated and sophisticated, the man is still brainwashed into “playing the hero” and the woman is brainwashed into “playing the victim”. It is my belief that men need to complain more….and women need to complain less. If there is no biological excuse for rape, then why should there be a biological excuse for male-disposability? I for one don’t buy it. Men and women alike have an equal right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I realize that not all men are brainwashed by machismo. And not all women are brainwashed by princess-syndrome and entitlement. But things can change for the better. We just need the fortitude to “unlearn our helplessness”. Men and boys for too long were brainwashed into being disposable cannon fodder, bank accounts, protectors, and feeling-less robots meant to earn money for others to spend. It is time to DEMAND a better life for ourselves. Machismo brainwashes men into thinking that it is shameful to “pamper yourself” like a woman and treat yourself to the finer things in life. I say it is high time that men get to experience the “indulgence” of spa-treatments, fancy chocolate, health benefits, job safety, scented candles, female breadwinners, protection from war, improved prison conditions, kid-glove treatment by the courts, domestic violence refuge, crying privileges, emotional expression, and other forms of pampering. Men are NOT disposable. If men keep repeating that expression millions of times the world just might listen. Men need to overcome this “learned helplessness,” “Stockholm syndrome,” and the “nature/nurture attribution bias”. And they say chivalry is dead (as if it were a bad thing). I say chivalry is FAR from dead, but it certainly should be. Feminists have “taken back the night”. It is now time for masculists to “take back the day”. There is a new moon on the horizon, and that moon is the sun. Day-light will come again!
