lumigan tramadol tadalafil

Ladies: How to Catch YOUR Tiger

2009-12-17
By

She Ignored Her Gut

Since Thanksgiving, news of the Tiger Woods infidelity scandal has continued to shock us. The mistress count of this once-squeaky-clean superstar increments daily. The last tally was 14, but I gave up after he was linked to Jessica Simpson. Tiger’s behavior is reprehensible; his sponsors — and wife — were right to leave him.

There are a few facets of this sordid story, though, that aren’t surprising. First, Elin Nordegren, Tiger’s scorned wife, inflicted domestic violence on her cheating husband — with impunity. No matter how angry or jealous or wronged a woman feels, she has no right to hit a man. Yet, our society condones and trivializes female-on-male violence. Barry Williams (aka Greg Brady) most likely will see his dangerous fiancee get a slap on the wrist for her violence.

Had Tiger caught Elin with other men, then proceeded to beat and scratch her face, chase her with a golf club, and smash her car windows, he’d be in jail or anger management. America’s gynocracy, however, has a double standard: a cheating husband is worse than an animal — while a cheating wife is merely a helpless, troubled victim.

Second, it has been reported that Elin will move her children to Sweden, without Tiger’s permission. As I’ve written before: women own children; men rent them. Can you imagine any judge allowing a man to move his children far away from a cheating wife? No, you can’t.

Third, it’s not too surprising, and is perhaps ironic, that Tiger was unfaithful to Elin: father Earl was unfaithful to Tiger’s mother. Products of cheating, alcoholic, violent, or distant parents often bury their feelings about painful childhood experiences, harden their hearts, and then repeat those same behaviors in adulthood.

Finally, Elin could have predicted her husband’s philandering. According to various sources, her gut told her to not to get involved with Tiger, but she ignored her gut — always a bad idea. Let’s examine the red flags:

Tiger and Elin met at the 2001 British Open at Royal Lytham & St. Annes, where Elin was working as an au pair for pro golfer Jesper Parnevik and his wife Mia. Allegedly, Elin had no interest in golf, golfers, the limelight, celebrities, or being any man’s eye-candy. Tiger, the defending champion, possibly rattled by meeting Elin, finished in 25th place.
Tiger frequently tried to reach Elin at the Parnevik’s home, but she wasn’t interested and didn’t take his calls. Too wimpy to ask her out directly, he enlisted a friend to intervene. Further turned off by Tiger’s use of a “dating agent,” Elin rejected him repeatedly.

Viewing female conquests like golf trophies en route to besting Jack Nicklaus’s record, Tiger relentlessly pursued Elin. Finally, in 2002, she agreed to go out with him. They married in 2004. The rest is history.

Cheating 101

Why do people cheat? Simple. Boys are raised to be cheaters; girls are raised to encourage cheating. Both parents – especially mothers — are responsible. Did you teach your son to be chivalrous, that he must be a perfect gentleman, that the toilet seat’s default position is down, that he must court women and finance their lifestyles? Did you teach your daughter to expect and demand such largesse from men?

Congratulations! You emasculated your son and disempowered your daughter. You taught your kids to use and disrespect their paramours and spouses — and themselves — that sex is a weapon, a reward, a financial transaction.

You convinced your son that life with a woman is a mandatory ride on the Estrogen Express and coached your daughter to drive the train. You taught your son to chase and your daughter to be chased. Are you surprised, then, that either one of them has, or is, a cheating spouse?

Luxurious Salve for Her Wounds

Cheaters are cowards. Instead of fixing or leaving relationships they hate, cheaters engage in deceit — because they’re bored, insecure, sexually dissatisfied, poorly matched, predisposed to infidelity, or all of the above. Some believe monogamy is humanly impossible. Really? Then, so is sobriety. In fact, infidelity is a choice — like obesity, drug addiction, and unhappiness.

Given all the marital duplicity in our society, it’s clear that lots of folks enter relationships and marriages assuming it will occur — either by them or to them. There’s one difference, though: payout. Elin Nordegren, who, in five years, rose from nanny to mommy, could walk away from Tiger with $300M — luxurious salve for her wounds. She’ll prove, again, that women financially benefit from infidelity.

A new term has surfaced in our lexicon: Tiger Woods Syndrome. It’s a condition of marital uncertainty causing women suddenly to question their husbands’ whereabouts. Why? Men and women cheat equally, and most never get caught. Did men ever speak of Caroline Kennedy Syndrome or Kerry Kennedy Syndrome? Any man who thinks his wife is too innocent to cheat is worse than naive.

Cheating whacks men disproportionately hard. First, men pay alimony in 97% of cases, regardless of whose infidelity ends the marriage. Second, cheating wives can get pregnant and then, surreptitiously, deliver extramarital babies. Paternity fraud, according to DNA tests around the world, occurs about 30% of the time.

Catch-a-Tiger Gameplan

There are plenty of women wishing — secretly and not so secretly — that they could trade places with Elin. After all, she’s getting what most women really want from marriage: casa, cash, and kids.

So, to every woman who wants to catch her own Tiger — to trade pain for payment — I offer the following gameplan:

Your Behavior

  • Be a taker, a merchant maureen, an entitled princess whose life is the axis of the “relationship.”
  • Live on a pedestal, and talk only to men who want you there. Your femininity and self-esteem depend on being chased and courted and pleased and showered with gifts.
  • Men must worship and take care of you, and finance your lifestyle. Reject all men who believe in male/female equality. You want a new daddy who will treat you like a dependent daughter!
  • Always use sex as a weapon/reward, based on how much he pleases or displeases you.
  • Never let this pathetic doormat discover your secret sex partner(s). When you discover his tryst(s), punch him, file for divorce, ruin him financially, and take your children away from him.

His Behavior

  • He brags about his wealth, promises you the moon, and begs you to spend his loot.
  • He’s a mama’s boy who was raised to make women happy.
  • He chases you relentlessly. The more you play hard to get, the more he chases. Chasing = cheating. As I wrote in “Chasing Pavlovian Sex,” a chasing man has zero interest in you — so, that’s your man.
  • He vastly outearns you and insists on paying for everything, at all times. He says he wants to take care of you, provide for you, clothe you, bejewel you, travel with you — all at his expense.
  • Nothing bores a man like a new conquest, a new trophy. Don’t worry, this “perfect gentleman,” this conqueror, no matter how much he smiles, is already contemplating or banging the next conquest.

The NoNonsense Bottom Line

My gameplan above is quite sickening and dysfunctional — and popular. It is the gameplan most men and women follow in their dealings with each other. It is the reason relationships and marriages, by and large, don’t succeed.

In my experience, though, no matter how many times I coach people from broken relationships and marriages, or watch public figures burn in romantic flames, there’s no change in sight. Men continue to chase and lose. Women continue to be chased and “win.” Result: mutual loathing, self-loathing, cheating, and large transfers of wealth from men to women.

People engage in destructive behavior for one reason: they believe they deserve it. How sad.

About the Author

Marc H. Rudov, The NoNonsense Man®, is a globally known radio/TV personality, relationship coach, speaker, and author of 120+ articles and Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables (ISBN 9780974501727), The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth (ISBN 0974501719), and a forthcoming book for women. The 2008 recipient of the National Coalition of Free Men’s “Award for Excellence in Promoting Gender Fairness In The Media,” Mr. Rudov is a frequent guest on Fox News Channel’s The O’Reilly Factor and Your World with Neil Cavuto.

Rudov’s books, articles, radio/TV archives, and podcasts are available at TheNoNonsenseMan.com.

Copyright © 2009 by Marc H. Rudov. All rights reserved.

1,427 views
Didn't make Oprah's Book Club. And Ronnie doesn't care. Man up. Buy the book now on Amazon.com. Or listen to Ronnie tell a story at escaping-from-reality.com.


  • Bruno

    @ Joe P
    You pay prostitutes to have sex with you, and you call yourself a “radical MRA”?
    That’s a joke, right?
    There’s nothing more feminist and man-degrading than that.

  • Mr.K

    Joe P,
    I apologize for trying to give good counsel for you from American perspective. Both of your assumtions about my emplyment status are wrong, but that’s irrelevant.
    I had hoped to learn from others experiences from Dr. Phil show. Perhaps the husband was a moron, perhaps boastful or given an ultimatum by his wife that he could not refuse. I assume most men like you and Tiger Woods are “discreet”, as you put it, but sometimes thigns blow up on your face.
    The one lesson I learned from this commentary. Do not give advice unless asked for. Even then the best intentions can go to hell in a handbasked.
    I wish you the best.

  • Michael T

    @ Joe P says :
    I can guarantee you, Michael, that my trysts ARE about the sex. I’m not rationalizing. I do it because its fun. Period. OK, I want my cake and eat it, too…..so what? You call it a cry for help, I call it my birth right.

    Joe who are you trying to convince? We don’t need to know what you do – we only need to know what you think. There was no need to tell us about your liaisons just tell us what you have learnt from them that could be valuable to other men. You seem to be keen to tell us how careful and discreet you are. Why do we need to know that?

    It is not ‘psychobabble’ to conclude that you do not understand your own behaviour of having other sexual partners. It is just common sense given your behaviour in this thread.

  • DonnieH

    Dearest Richard,

    You said:

    “Does this show that men interested only in sex still want monogamy?

    I think it does.” (Which is a statement, BTW.)

    Your apparently rhetorical question presumes that these men are “interested only in sex” (which may be a false presumption) and your response to your own question implies that they want monogamy. Please accept my sincerest apologies if my response aggravated you.

    Your question now is:

    WHY DO YOU ASSUME THAT THEY ARE NOT MONOGAMOUS DONNIEH???

    Are you seriously asking why men who hire the same prostitute over and over again would not be monogamous with a woman who provides sexual services in a brothel? That question right there is enough for me to question your chromosomal diversity, as I cannot imagine a man asking such a ridiculous thing.

    Be that as it may, another reason I ASSUME they are not monogamous is that I have never seen this expressed as a reason men hire prostitutes. There is a website with nearly 200,000 active accounts (although this probably represents only about 100,000 customers and providers, as many members have multiple accounts (handles) and many of the accounts are law enforcement agencies, etc.) that often runs membership polls that YOU can go check out*. Right now. Granted, these are self-selected respondents who might be BS-ing, so these polls are not up to publication standards in a peer-reviewed scientific journal, but my recollection is that responses to ”Why do you engage the services of commercial sex providers?” included things like variety, convenience, cost (many men are astonished at how much less expensive it is compared to dating), and better looking partners (although many of the pictures are Photoshopped, a lot of the photos these women post are pretty accurate, according to the reviews members post in the review section). A few said they were pathetic losers (“PL’s”- their self description) who couldn’t get a date, or could never get women this hot into bed. I don’t recall anyone saying “I just want to be unilaterally sexually monogamous with a woman who’s off at a brothel having sex with other men all the time.” (I know, I know, another ASSUMPTION) But perhaps there are several men seeking this sort of arrangement with the brothel workers you know? As you noted, I’m merely ASSUMING there aren’t.

    Take if for what it’s worth or what you paid for it. Getting back to the original point, even though Richard has moved on to less relevant issues (like why I assume things), I think the fact that some men hire the same prostitute over and over again might indicate (in no particular order): 1) she’s really, really good at her job, 2) she’s a really good value ($$/looks/service), 3) she knows what he wants/likes and provides it with little, if any, drama or complaint, 4) she has an agreeable personality that puts him at ease or otherwise contributes to his enjoyment of the session, or 5) he likes her. In other words, he’s not “interested only in sex”.

    * Today’s polls:
    “What do you guys expect MOST from a provider that will cause you to have a repeat experience?” A: “non-rushed session” leading with 74%

    “What single item do you consider the biggest red flag?” A: “Fake pics” (i.e., the woman answering the door doesn’t look like the one in the ad) leading with 62%

    and over on the sister site (for providers- mostly women, but many transsexuals and some men, both gay and straight):

    “Were you abused when you were a child?” NO leading with 62%, 25% responding that they were mentally abused, 6% sexual abuse, 6% physical (non-sexual).

    Hope everyone has a nice weekend :-)

  • jjtaup

    RIght on every point, Marc.

    I am (or was while the orgy lasted) sick to my eyebrows with people “tsk-tskiing” Woody. Yes, the bastard is a cheatin’ heart (and my sympathies to any and all who grew up with dysfunctional fathers), but this in no way excuses the Princess Vagina treatement women receive from the media and law with resepect to their own transgressions.

    Keep racking up points, little girls–the sandpile always eventually comes crashing down.

  • Mr.K

    @Joe P,
    Since you are such an itelligent and sharp observer of culture, I would not want to offend you but ask you to consider an episode on Dr. Phil show in America.
    A husband and wife appeared together. He had promise to give up one nigh pizza but failed to deliver. His explanation was “I might be married but I’m not dead”
    Sometime later he appeared alone and wife participated by phone. They had split and husband said one night pizza didn’t taste as good alone and wanted his wife back. She said it’s over.
    The laws in Phillipines may be different, but like Tiger Woods wife who grew up in liiberal Sweden seems to have had it.
    Joe, whatever you do is yours to choose, but I hope you’ll participate in posting on MND

  • http://www.rip-factor.com/formen/index.html Richard

    @DonnieH

    “Why do you assume these men are being ‘monogamous’?”

    Try taking another good long look at the QUESTION MARK at the end of what I said:

    “Does this show that men interested only in sex still want monogamy?
    ”

    I was ASKING – not making a STATEMENT.

    So. That being said, the question now becomes:

    WHY DO YOU ASSUME THAT THEY ARE NOT MONOGAMOUS DONNIEH???

    Obviously, this points to some deeply rooted mistrust or some pre-concieved notion (prejudice) aimed towards men.

  • Michael Thompson

    @JoeP
    Zoologically, it’s who we are as men, and I refuse to apologize for it.

    That is a pretty lame rationalisation. We are no more programmed to ‘cheat’ than are women. People who enter sexual relationships with someone other than the person they love are not looking for sex. If it is a loving relationship then they already have sex. They are looking for something else entirely. Sex is just one area where people try to fulfil unmet emotional needs. They could just as easily turn to drugs or alcohol or gambling. Illicit affairs are not about sex. They may be ways of escaping a boring and sterile family life or work life. People may be looking for excitement or even just some feeling of any kind. They may want to feel powerful or even powerless. They may just want to be other than the upstanding citizen that they project as a persona. There are thousands of reasons why people have affairs and often enough when they realise those emotional needs cannot be met by sex they return to their original partner.

    One rationalisation is often that it is ‘just sex and nothing else’. It can be everything else and not sex. Often it is a desperate cry for help. Sometimes people want to be caught. They want others to know they are in pain and that they are resorting to sex to try and numb that pain. Not many people would accept that perhaps Tiger Woods is a very troubled human being and that maybe he wanted to be caught and exposed so that someone could see that pain and offer to help him deal with it.

    Men who rationalise their affairs are just exposing themselves to ridicule because it is obvious that they are in some emotional pain. Real men face their emotional pain and deal with it in appropriate ways. They do not deny it and then blame their neurotic behaviour on ‘nature’

  • Joe P.

    Ray is the first guy to call me a ‘jerk.’ Almost sounds gay.

    I’ll say it again: most men who can do it….will do it. But then, I live in a culture where mistresses/hookers are more socially acceptable (Philippines) and a lot less damaging to a marriage should a husband get caught.

    I will admit that I am unqualified to contribute or relate to the problems MRAs face back home. That doesn’t mean I detest feminists any less than you guys do.

  • DonnieH

    @Geoff

    I’m guessing at least some of the women you reference were raised in fatherless homes and that at least some of their fathers were not provided a reasonable opportunity to instill those morals in them. In case you haven’t noticed, U.S. “family law” is basically a de-fathering process. So I’m going to pass on the shaming part.

    I suppose it would be too much to expect their mothers to instill those morals?

  • Ray Merk

    Right Joe.

    You say you have “mutual respect” for you wife but you cheat on her and refuse to apologize for it. I wouldn’t call that treating her with respect and I doubt if she would either.

    There way I see it you are doing a disservice to the men’s movement and to the relations between the genders. No wonder so many women hate men. I can’t blame them. People like you are the reason I stay single. Nobody can be trusted these days.

    You are a jerk and I refuse to apologize for saying it. To say its the male thing to do and blame it on biology is BS. Plenty of people have led monogamous lives to prove otherwise.

  • Joe P.

    Maybe I’m not as “normal” as I’ve led myself to believe. Yes, I’ve been married a long time to a wonderful woman. We are a very happy couple with mutual respect for each other who raised two fine sons and enjoy being with our grandchildren.

    That’s one compartment.

    Simultaneously, when the urge to stray takes hold, I do not hesitate to satisfy it, taking great pains to be safe and discreet. Its sex for sex’s sake. Nothing more. I love my wife (only). I also love pizza, but I don’t eat it every day.

    That’s another compartment.

    Am I an SOB? I submit that virtually every married hetersexual male, if he suddenly became fabulously wealthy like Tiger Woods, would use some of that wealth to f**k other women…..LOTS of other women.

    Zoologically, its who we are as men, and I refuse to apologize for it.

  • DonnieH

    “Does this show that men interested only in sex still want monogamy?”

    Why do you assume these men are being “monogamous”? I think it’s likely that at least some are seeing other service providers. I mean, just because you favor a particular restaurant doesn’t mean that’s the only one you ever go to. Maybe somedays you feel adventuresome, like trying somewhere new, and other days it’s good to go back to your old standby. I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that long-lasting relationships/friendships/whatever develop between service providers and customers, but I wouldn’t infer monogamy from that.

    One thing I find interesting about Nevada is that commercial sex is legal and relatively expensive, while in California it’s illegal and relatively inexpensive. I’d say to check CL (CrgsLst) Erotic Services, Northern California or Southern California, for a price comparison, but CL took down those categories.

    Tiger Woods probably doesn’t understand the peril he faces regarding his children and that the current events might provide him a unique opportunity to remain active in his children’s lives if his wife did indeed commit criminal acts. I hope he realizes his privacy is busted, and that he will tell his side of the story and press criminal charges, if appropriate. If his wife was cold, marginalizing, or abusive, it would explain at least some things.

  • Geoff

    Kudos to Mr. Rudov for holding Tiger’s feet to the fire. If we gloss over men’s transgressions while trying to be moral authorities then we’re simply hypocrites. His father certainly can be held accountable. I’d like to also add that all those father’s out there that did not teach these young women some morals regarding sex with a married person, shame on them too.

  • http://jmnzz.wordpress.com jmnzz

    Double standards seem to be what many western countries are all about now. This same scenario happens to men all the time who are not millionaires. It’s a shame that the ridiculous notion “take him to the cleaners” is a mainstay in our society.

    A prostitute is more entitled to a pay off for companionship than an ex spouse yet prostitution is illegal and alimony is necessary. What a world we live in.

  • http://www.unitywall.com TXM

    I agree with you, Marc, that there is a terrible double-standard regarding physical violence to cheating spouses. Once the news of Tiger’s trysts began to emerge, I could almost here the women (and plenty of men too) snicker about how he DESERVED it! Awful! They would never say a cheating wife deserved to be beaten with a golf club and left in the road.

    One thing that puzzles me, though. Is Tiger’s knee-jerk reaction about quitting golf for his wife’s sake. I mean, he’s the best player in history! Can he really be so whipped that he would consider giving that up? What about her, where does she think that golden fortune comes from? Really, can this case be so extreme? This is almost incomprehensible to me.

    Well, they will get divorced. She will get 300 million dollars, and she will kidnap his children. Will he at least return to golf? Will he still be able to play after being crushed in this way?

  • http://www.rip-factor.com/formen/index.html Richard

    WOW. The more articles I read here, the more impressed I am.

    “Some believe monogamy is humanly impossible”

    I live in Reno Nevada. Prostitution is legal in many of the surrounding counties.

    I have met dozens of prostitutes (not as a customer – just by being social, and talking to women here). They all claim that they have “regular” customers. That is, they have men that keep coming back to them. They say that the only “one-shot” customers are typically curious what prostitutes are like, or are wanting to lose their virginity.

    The fact that men who hire prostitutes – will “hire” the same one over and over again… Does this show that men interested only in sex still want monogamy?

    I think it does.







Right.

Man up.

Buy the book now on Amazon.com. Or listen to Ronnie tell a story at escaping-from-reality.com.

Search

RSS Amy Alkon

RSS Donna Laframboise