Time for Some Male Bashing of Our Own

2010-01-04
By

I’ve been an MRA (Men’s Rights Activist) promoting gender equalitarianism for over twenty years.  Recently I have been downright giddy over the emerging voices of men and women who have had enough of feminists, and are throwing the lies promulgated by them right back in their faces.

This is especially true on the internet.  These days, if it gets loud enough on the internet, even the sycophants in the mainstream media start paying attention.

But I have to say it is time to stop, at least for a moment.

The real problem we have now isn’t feminists, it’s men.  I am not talking about MRA’s, at least not most of them, but about Joe Average next door.

I might be talking about you.

And so I am here to do some male bashing of my own.  And men now have that coming to them far more than feminists.

I am not going to reinforce the stupid ideas about men that feminists have spread for so long, but to point out the stupid actions of men that have enabled feminists to keep grabbing more power without much of a challenge.

We have had a gender war, guys.  The problem is that you didn‘t show up.

While men, and by that I mean you, your brothers, fathers, sons and friends get bent over and raped in openly rigged family courts, you look the other way.

While your sons get marginalized and fall behind in ever more female centered schools systems (they now only represent 42% of college students), you have pretty much reacted by making sure the TIVO is set to get the next ball game.

While the media has portrayed you as one dimensional idiots, bumbling fools who couldn’t buy an analgesic without instructions and supervision from your wife, you have validated that idiotic treatment by tolerating it, and have indeed begun to emulate it.

While your sons are used as cannon fodder in illicit wars and are simultaneously excoriated by society for having too much power, your response has largely been:

“Man, look at the caboose on her!”

You have taken to reading magazines like Men’s Health, the COSMO for the new age male, so you can learn how to get those six pack abs and make princess take a second look at you.

And five years from now, when princess robs you of your children, your income, your property and your dignity, your best friend will console you with something really profound and helpful, like  “Dude, that really sucks.  Want a beer?”

It will happen to more than half of you that get married, but somewhere along your way in life, you hung a vacancy sign on your common sense, and you are likely helping your sons hang that same sign on theirs.

It is enough to make someone say, “Wake the hell up!”

You know, that may be the wrong thing to say.  Most of you aren’t asleep, you’re in a coma; anesthetized by a thoughtless existence, you’re crippled by one of the few things feminists have said about you that happens to be true.

You think with your penis.

And you know, though you likely won’t admit it,  when you think with your penis, the first thing it does is take your spine out of the picture.  With that goes your values and credibility.

And that is how most of you live, in a penis dictated servitude; as trained seals fearful of saying or doing anything that might cause princess to get upset with you, or, God forbid, that might keep you from getting laid.

Personally, I have seen enough of this garbage from men to last me a lifetime.  There are men and women out here right now, fighting an uphill battle you can’t imagine just to give you a fair shot at justice when the wife calls in the lawyers and the state to dissolve your marriage and your assets; to dissolve your life.

You don’t owe them or me anything, but you might, if you can pull your head out for five minutes, think about what you owe your sons.

Many of you who have already been destroyed by family courts are still raising your daughters to be replicas the princess that handed you your head, and your sons to be the pack animals that will carry the weight for them through life, only to be discarded when they are used up. Just like you were.

And you are still more interested in big screens than the big picture.  It’s completely pathetic.

This chosen ignorance is fatal.  Men die more frequently of all the top killer diseases than women, though women get the lions share of gender specific medical research money.  Women outlive men by seven years, and though they have had a national office for women’s health for decades, we are just now hearing the first inklings that we might have one for men.  It hasn’t happened yet, and wise men aren’t holding their breath.

Maybe you don’t care if you die of heart disease or prostate cancer before you are sixty.  But if you have a son, at least give him the honesty to turn to him and tell him you don’t care if he does either.

That’s not shame, it’s blame.  And if you are the “average” man in western culture, you deserve a boatload of it.

I imagine that more than a few of you won’t much like what I have to say.  You’ll have to just imagine my concern about that.  But if it upsets you, it won’t last.  All you need is fifteen minutes of acting like a lap dog for the nearest feminist, or hiding your cowardice behind words like traditionalism, manliness and chivalry. Say all three like you actually believe yourself and you’ll be right as rain.

But if you are so upset that you want to do something about it, then I have a suggestion.  Instead of buying those tickets to the ball game, or that next 12 pack, send the money to a fathers rights organization that is doing work for which you do not have the sense or the nerve.

Or how about this?  The next time you hear someone take a stupid, bigoted stab at men, say something about it.

And if it happens to be a woman, don’t say something agreeable so you can score points.  Don’t lie now, you know you have done it.  After all, what is self respect compared to some tail?  Your sons can live on their knees, too, though it is an ironic life for a species distinguished by it’s ability to stand upright.

But if you can’t manage a single moment of real backbone, please just keep your mouth shut.  You are quite skilled at that one, anyway.

There are men our here trying to do for you and your sons what you won’t.  There are already enough obstacles in the way.  The last thing we need is foolish beneficiaries to shoot us down.  Just let us do what we do. Let us be the advocates for your sons that you fail to be.

Like I said, feminists are not the real problem any more.  Men are. You are. They launched a gender war and, rather than fight back, men just blindly followed, out of fear, out of biological programming and out of abject weakness. What else can we call it but weak when men and their sons get flogged with rampant injustice  and they react, in a thunderous collective voice, saying:

“How ‘bout them cowboys?”

I know, this is a rant, and after I have unleashed all my hostilities I am supposed heave a sigh of relief and say something conciliatory, like “Sorry if I offended.”  But the truth is that if this stuff applies to you, then you need to be offended.

You need, I dare say, whatever it takes to get you to spine up and learn to think past the next ball game or round of the horizontal bop.

If that is as far as you can reach, then you don’t deserve to be heard at all.

Authors note:  John Dias has supplied the following descriptions and links to organizations that deserve some of your hard earned bucks for the cause.  Thanks to Mr. Dias

1. Fathers and Families
The leading father’s rights group in the United States. Employs two full-time lobbyists. Extensive contacts throughout the national media and academia. Articulates a clear vision about its goals. Has successfully introduced, passed, and blocked bills in state and national legislatures. Has led successful campaigns combating cultural misandry against men in public television, anti-male advertising, anti-male public service announcements, rash and/or ineffective child support collection policies, and correcting inaccurate and ideological-based claims about female vs. male victimization from domestic violence. The most effective and articulate voice — culturally and politically — for fathers today in the United States.
http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/

2. National Coalition For Men
Uses lawsuits to challenge laws that discriminate against men. Successfully overturned a law in California that denied public funds to male victims of domestic violence. Advocates for men on a broad array of issues, not just fathers.
http://www.ncfm.org/

There are others, including RADAR and Fathers 4 Justice, but the above two are head-and-shoulders above the rest in terms of their effectiveness in the courts, legislatures, academia, and the culture at large.

Paul Elam is the Editor-in-Chief for Men’s News Daily and the publisher of A Voice for Men.

Bio available at my website
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  • Jen

    As a woman, I’m disappointed and disgusted with the hyper feminist agenda. I’m tired of male bashing shows, and discriminatory laws. Women have elevated themselves at the expense of men. That is not equality.

  • Mickey T.

    @ Paul

    I didn’t mean you, Paul. I probably should have worded that differently.

    I agree, sometimes a third party candidate has better ideas. Not that I have ever let it affect my vote, but, unfortunately we all know what usually happens to that third party vote. It’s not a good situation, especially in times like this.

    When it comes to enemies, I address the one who has nukes first.

  • http://avoiceformen.com/ Paul Elam

    @ Mickey

    I hear you amigo and understand. But I am sticking to my guns. They are BOTH the opposition. My vote goes to the true constitutional conservative on the ballot, which won’t be from the dems or pubs. If I have to write in Ron Paul again I will.

    Cheers

  • Mickey T.

    @ Paul

    Good post, Paul

    The “hidden” or “retracted” postition of the “claws” you speak of, is only a man’s perception, which, in a sense, is the essence of our woes. To me they have been in plain sight since I reached puberty. They just needed to be maintained properly and generally kept under control to prevent injury to others and self.

    Our work is cut out for us. I suppose a gala exposition at a new worlds fair still wouldn’t be enough for some of these guys. Especially those who have a preferential perception.

    Of course there would be little success in winning if we didn’t have what they want. But GOOD GOD, man, let’s not vote for the opposition in the mean time.

  • http://avoiceformen.com/ Paul Elam

    @ Mickey

    Great post as always. There is much I could say but for now I am going to take the easy way out and paste a comment I recently made at Antimisandry.com regarding the left/right rift as it pertains to the MRM.

    The problem for me resides in the definition of politics itself, which is “social relations involving intrigue to gain authority or power”

    Both liberalism and conservatism are political orientations, and their job is to acquire authority and power. And in the area of social relations involving intrigue to gain those things, nothing is more of a stacked deck than the power of women over men.

    So as long as we seek a political orientation for the MRM, at least in the mainstream which has to appeal to the masses, we end up losers. No amount of spin will ever change that because the fundamental and innate predisposition in the mass of humanity is for men to sacrifice for the improvement of women. The male code of protect and provide and the female code of being the assumed recipient of that protection and provision remains in full force no matter what feminists or masculists have accomplished so far.

    We can and should seek legal changes, because, at least in principal, and often in fact, the law is gender neutral. We all know that it has been corrupted with gender politics, but as we have seen in California and West Virgina, legal remedies can be pursued and accomplished.

    That leaves us standing to gain a lot from the lessons of the feminists.

    All politics are personal.

    The downside to that is of course the downside to politics. The masses of men are not going to take this to the personal level with women.

    BUT

    This approach does lend itself to the idea that any man can obtain a great deal of liberation and all he has to do is choose it. Don’t marry. Don’t have children. Don’t rescue women. Don’t let them in the lifeboat first. Don’t pay their way through anything for any reason at any time. Don’t take their abuse. Dump them the minute they play princess. Don’t tolerate a child in a woman’s body.

    Just say NO.

    And their is a growing trend toward this. PUA’s, MGTOW and MRA’s are all figuring out that if you are sick and tired of the princess you need to kill the prince. There are men in the movement that can teach this to their sons. I know I am passing it along to my grandsons. And yes, I will be telling them that women are fun, but to be regarded on the interpersonal level always as Teddy Bears with hidden, retractable claws, and that there are no exceptions.

    And before the “not all women” police come knocking on the door, that statement is about odds of probability, not a declaration to the nature of all women.

    None.

    And before the “not all women” police come knocking on the door, that statement is about odds of probability, not a declaration to the nature of all women.

    It is the only way of giving my grandsons the best chance of staying safe.

    When and if the time ever comes that women can no longer use men as pack animals, and the only way to bring men back to doing anything more with them than a pump-n-dump, there will be a change of attitude across the culture that will open doors for some real progress. Even political.

    In the meantime, at least in my opinion, any effort spent trying to drive the MRM into any point in the political spectrum is just a waste of time.

  • http://avoiceformen.com/ Paul Elam

    @ Mike Murphy

    Thank you for the most excellent post. I don’t have anything I can add to it except to say that it amazes me that men have ever been as stereotyped as they have been.

    Regards,

    Paul

  • Mickey T.

    Paul, good list of the things and descriptions that men do wrong.
    I’d like to add that many men who oppose, or even suffer from this cancer, through ignorance, actually support it in the very way it was born and metastasized. It’s amazing how many men’s rights advocates vote Democrat. By doing that they are supporting feminist “mischief” from the White House, Joe (VAWA) Biden, Clinton, Boxer, Fienstien on down. Dems consistantly vote in favor of feminist bills etc.. Feminists donate an enormous amount of money to the party every year and always vote in favor of Dem legislation. And of course, it’s quid pro quo from the candidates and office holders which brings us more anti male/pro female legislation. As of today, it continues to progress their way.

    So of course, many men not only enable or let Fems do their dirty work, they help them politically, which is the way this whole thing came about, and the only way it will ever reverse. I’m not saying all Dems are feminists, but I am saying the party basically supports the feminist ideology. They are the reason we are here in this discussion today.
    Men need to do some of their own research on this because our media, mostly controlled by feminists, Democrats etc., hides almost all information which may show them in an unfavorable way. The public is inundated with feminist propaganda, and has been for the last forty years or so. The Eagle Forum, Fathers and Families, mentioned previously, might be a good place to start research which is uninfluenced by feminism.

    True, there are many profund observations and anylasis etc. here, and if enough men join in and accept that they must do something about this horrible situation, it may change their behavior to benefit us. But men will never be truly liberated from bondage and attain humaness until these cruel an unfair laws are changed or removed from the books. That must be our ultimate goal.

    We might see some success in changing this situation in a meaningful way sooner by focusing more our attention on political change, rather nature change.

    I agree there is a lot of work to be done in orderto raise men’s societal position, but first we must stop the destruction our children and ourselves.

  • http://f4j-soo.blogspot.com Mike Murphy

    I’m a little late to this thread and can’t add much to Paul’s discourse on males. As a former stay-at-home dad schooled in the 50′s version of maleness, in that we were the breadwinners et al I know clearly how a traditional man thinks.

    Knowing that and then adapting to a new role is challenging, enlightening and doesn’t change our maleness. What it showed for me was the versatility of our masculinity while retaining what makes us men. I raised 2 daughters from infancy for 10 years and adapted well to all of those things one does that are called nurturing while still introducing the girls to some activities that no mother would entertain at a given age because of their risk aversion.

    I recall holding my 12 month old in an office while my ex was busy with someone and my child was quite upset. I walked with her, raised slightly above my shoulders, with her head next to mine and patted her on the back around that office for what seemed an eternity and eventually she settled down. Finally she fell asleep and did I feel good. My focus was not on her disrupting behaviour but on her discomfort. That was the nurturing part of me kicking in. I remember it well because I knew on that day I could be as good as any mom – I did have doubts up until then – and I could be even better at this nurturing business. My child had found comfort in my arms in a public place that was challenging because others were being impacted. I was not feminized by this and I frankly don’t think it is a feminine trait they necessarily own.

    Many men of my generation just don’t get to develop it as well or as early because we were locked into our socialized gender roles. After this episode I had far more confidence in my ability to comfort my child in a public place when under scrutiny from others. If you are a man and have a child who is crying in a public place the looks on people passing you by will clearly tell you they think you are an incompetent idiot. If, however, you show you have confidence things will be quite different and people will see this.

    I say the above to let you know we men are quite versatile if we allow ourselves the time to become involved. We can change hundreds if not more diapers, prepare and feed them no matter their age, take them to activities so they learn to swim, skate, (mandatory in Canada or suffer the consequences), to gymnastics, go down steep hills on toboggans several times a week, spend lots of time at municipal parks, show them how to skip stones and feed ducks, teach them about the trees in their yards, and the list goes on.

    Men of the current generation are much more involved and my son-in-law is a classic example of a very involved and nurturing dad.

    Telling those who are outside our sphere of experience and knowledge is the right thing to do but it doesn’t always resonate immediately because of the massive feminization of our society. Persistence, patience, and taking advantage of opportunities is important. We are making dents in that social order and calling the militant radfems and their sycophants to account as these opportunities arise.

    The traditional approach many male sycophants take is to declare themselves feminists. In other words they are ashamed of their masculinity and feel it necessary to jump out of their skin to show they believe in equality. It isn’t necessary to disavow what we are to believe both genders are equal – and different. I like asking these male feminists why they need a female characteristic to show they believe in equality. It sometimes creates a little dissonance as they try to answer.

    I see more men getting over their fears and making comments on newspaper blogs. I see more people saying – I didn’t know that – when presented with facts they can peruse at their leisure.

    We need to keep doing it in a reasoned manner. A good rant every now and then gets it out of our system and Paul’s is a classic example of a very good discussion on we males and our proclivities. We can be much more than the stereotypes presented by our media through the filter of feminism – and still be men. I know this from a decade of personal experience at day after day of full time immersion in parenting, and being good at it.

  • http://mkg4583.wordpress.com Mark Godbey

    @Michael T.
    Simplistic and dismissive. Thanks for the compliment!

  • Saga1916

    Paul, you are saying what older men have said to younger ones for many many generations. My father told me -

    Don’t have anything to do with women
    If you do don’t marry them
    If you do don’t have children
    If you do then find yourself a place to run and hide in, because by God you are going to need it.

    But evolution has ensured that young men will mate with women, and that women will have babies. It is not practical for men to change their behaviour, it cannot be done. It is the balance of power and the anti-man laws that must be changed; and a male pill so that men can decide if they want the babies and regain the balance of power between the sexes.

  • http://wadvpress.org John Lukas

    Well done, Paul.

    I’ve often had the same thoughts myself as many of my efforts had the mental, but not the type of physical support that I’ve been looking for. Men need to get and stay active as they are being left out of more and more of what America used to be. As an older white male, I often feel like the new “minority”. That will not shut me up, however!:)

    John Lukas
    http://wadvpress.org

  • Mickey T.

    @Micheal T.

    Whatever, it’s his opinion and that’s what he’s here for. My opinion is, he goes a tad too far in this area, but he’s nowhere near depriving anyone of their rights. It’s almost as if you don’t want him to have THAT opinion because it’s too close to sounding as if it might take away somebody’s rights. I don’t think he’s calling for an act of Congress to require all men to contribute. It’s despicable for any man who truly sees his fellow men, and country which he enjoys and benefits from, in such distress while being capable and unhindered, to stand idly by.

    Maybe we do need some “tough love” to transform spectators into players.

  • http://avoiceformen.com/ Paul Elam

    @ John Dias

    You are quite correct. Thanks for pointing it out. I will add that list to the end of the article so that whoever else reads it will have that option.

    Regards,

    Paul

  • http://www.misandryreview.com/ John Dias

    Paul, your rant built the momentum for the close, and then you failed at the most crucial point: the ask.

    You need to NAME the father’s rights groups to whom men should be donating money. If you were a man who had no concept of the father’s rights movement and you figured it would be a sensible thing to invest in your son’s futures with a donation, wouldn’t you balk simply because you have no clue which groups are effective?

    Help the guys out a little!

    1. Fathers and Families
    The leading father’s rights group in the United States. Employs two full-time lobbyists. Extensive contacts throughout the national media and academia. Articulates a clear vision about its goals. Has successfully introduced, passed, and blocked bills in state and national legislatures. Has led successful campaigns combating cultural misandry against men in public television, anti-male advertising, anti-male public service announcements, rash and/or ineffective child support collection policies, and correcting inaccurate and ideological-based claims about female vs. male victimization from domestic violence. The most effective and articulate voice — culturally and politically — for fathers today in the United States.
    http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/

    2. National Coalition For Men
    Uses lawsuits to challenge laws that discriminate against men. Successfully overturned a law in California that denied public funds to male victims of domestic violence. Advocates for men on a broad array of issues, not just fathers.
    http://www.ncfm.org/

    There are others, including RADAR and Fathers 4 Justice, but the above two are head-and-shoulders above the rest in terms of their effectiveness in the courts, legislatures, academia, and the culture at large.

    All good salesmen and solicitors of donations understand that the most crucial point of the dialog is the ask!

  • MichaelT

    @MickeyT

    I don’t think the original article was directed at the people you describe. Men who do not know what to do about the problem do not need to be bashed into admitting that they have a problem in their relationships with women or the justice system. They are fully aware of their problem. I think the article was directed at men who do not even see that there is a problem or those who see it but choose to do nothing about it. I would say that the majority of men belong to this category. I don’t think you can have effective change until this majority are galvanised into action. The question is how you get them to change. I do not think that attacking them is the answer.

    @Mark Goodbey

    I think your assessment of men is rather simplistic and dismissive. No human being likes to be treated unjustly. No one likes to suffer. People put up with it nevertheless and the real issue is – why? Many men allow themselves to be treated poorly for complex reasons that have a great deal to do with how they were treated in childhood. Often it is because when they stood up for their rights as children they were beaten into submission by the ‘caring‘ males in their life. They quickly learned that if they were to survive childhood at all then they should suppress their anger and the quest for their rights. That is a logical response for a frightened child to make. These people carry those feelings and attitudes and behaviours into adulthood where it is not a logical response. You cannot change those ingrained behaviours without getting to the root cause of them and this will never be achieved by bashing them, harassing them or telling them to wake up to themselves.

    There is some arrogance and some ignorance amongst those in the men’s rights movement who seem to think that because they are fighting for men’s rights that they are in some way superior to those men who are not. Not everyone who is involved in men’s activism is involved for the right reasons. Some are involved to wield power and to bully other men. Some are involved because they have resentment about their relationships with women that have nothing to do with their rights as men.

    If we cannot galvanise the uninvolved men into action then it is not our problem. We are only responsible for our own actions. We should do what we can do ourselves and not feel guilty about what we do not have resources to do. If we begin attacking men who refuse to help the cause then it is because we have some agenda other than men’s rights. Some people do change their behaviour when they are bashed but where does their anger go? It usually finds some other outlet. Changing out of fear is never as effective as changing out of love of one’s self.

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