Why Men Are Attracted to Crazy, Emotionally Abusive Women

The above sounds like good advice, but women (and men) can change once they’re in a relationship. After years in a relationship that seemed to be going okay – - – a different person can sometimes emerge.

I suspect that can happen to both men and women, but I’ve heard one axiom that says, “A man marries a woman hoping she doesn’t change and she does. A woman marries a man hoping he’ll change and he doesn’t.”

Very informative and very useful to understand our patterns in relationships.

Great Article Tara. I love seeing this side covered as well. The women chasing jerks is often covered, but this side is never covered, i.e. guys who get off on “bitches”.

I’ve been trying to explain this to guys for a while, and I think its cultural. A guy will complain to me “all the hot women are bitches”… and I will go… “no, you’re attracted to bitches”, lol.

There’s a woman who looks JUST LIKE HER, and is kinder, nicer, but doesn’t act snotty, so you don’t even notice her.

If we are ever to escape our male-role imposed by society, we need to escape the lie we are being sold on whom to be attracted to. The media keeps brainwashing us that “bitch=hot”. So we perpetuate the cycle.

This kind of behavior is not gender exclusive. It has, in fact, much less to do with sex than it does intimacy.

Because there’s no other kind of woman.

Because the described women are the norm….basically….even if you choose one who is not that way, through a steady diet of that type on TV, through (If you go to church) being told that this is the way it SHOULD be in church, and through the building of unrealistic expectations from TV, books, and again…church, maybe especially church….women morph into this.

To the poster above…YES it IS a gender issue. Need to nip that whenever it pops up, because its a very clever tact to get off the subject, “oh we all do it, its not about gender”…thats a cute way to dilute and then pull a loss leader and make it about men.

Women are encouraged to become crazy and emotionally abusive and in many areas it is rewarded. It is fostered at home (especially single mother-headed households), taught in schools and colleges and justified in courtrooms across America. Finding a woman who is not emotionally deranged is a major problem and it is not a problem of just not noticing them.

Comments are starting to sound awfully feministic. On there its women going “yes, but all men are abusive jerks and the patriarchy encourages it”

it would be so sad if mra became a male version
of feminism- fortunately i know the bitter malenists are a minority, which makes me happy.

@ alek & Geoff

Thank you for the positive feedback. It’s always appreciated.

All women are not crazy, entitled and abusive. A good many of them behave this way just like there are a good many men who behave similarly. There are stable, loving people of good character of both sexes. I know that sometimes it seems like the bad people outnumber the good in the world, but I have to believe this isn’t true (for my own peace of mind if nothing else) and I’m no Pollyana.

Perhaps these folks seem to be the norm because they’re frequently the “squeaky wheels.” Their behaviors and outrageous attitudes garner attention and inflict pain upon others. The sane majority tends to stay under the radar in life. Although, I think it’s high time the rest of us start making some noise and tell the abusive jerks of both sexes, “Enough is enough. Get your head straight and play nice or shut the eff up and go away.”

Perhaps they are the norm because they are the squeaky wheel. We live in a country in which women file 70% of divorce’s recieve 85% physical custody. In half the cases abuse their children by cutting off half their fathers family.

The other women just abort 10′s of millions of unborn child in their wombs, and there seems to be not a day that goes by that some woman hasn’t killed her children or husband. We live in a society where none of this is punished. Not by cultural stereotypes held by jurors but by actual laws placed on the books and upheld by our highest courts.

I know, we shouldn’t criticize the woman, they are our mothers, our sisters (we don’t say wives anymore because there are so few). Then we would be ugly “malenestis….what the F@#$!”.

The last time a society became so lost was in a country we are not allowed to make comparison’s with. But they make very good cars.

In this country, the entire population, in a very short time, became massively deluded and killed tens of millions of people just because they could. The rest of the world, in their Polly Anna cacune, did not believe it, many still don’t or won’t.

So, no, it is not our fault that our country has become unlivable for those that want a connection with others, perhaps dream of a family and would love to have children.

The people who’s fault it is are the planners who openly tell us that this is their goal. They now run our country. Have you all not noticed? The self identify as feminists.

The people of the country I was referencing above all said “We didn’t know”. But the world does not believe them.

The majority of women in the west are complicit in all that is going on. And the men who stay silent are just as guilty.

They act crazy because they have a raft of laws that say you cannot in any way say NO to them. So, crazy get’s what she wants when she wants it or you pay, or go to jail.

They have these laws because we are democracy and they are the majority so they own our government. Most of them also hate men. Although, in my opinion, we should not take it personally, they hate everyone, especially their children.

Our constitution means nothing to them and they openly say this. Even our wise latina mullah says that she is inherently and by her gender and color, better than those who founded this country and those who died to maintain it.

I believe this is why we cannot expect to meet nice non-crazy women. They are not really crazy. Fifty years ago they would be trying to get their husbands to stay home more. Today they are organizing “Cougar” boat cruises on carnival cruise ships so they can take advantage of young men that can’t get any because they taught their daughters to hate men.

By the way, today, carnival cruise lines rejected their request as it was not the image the company wanted to portray. And today Glenn Sacks has a piece about all the women raping young boys in juvy. Cool huh.

Yeah their crazy, just watch your wallet, their crazy like a fox.

And, in my experience the more educated and intellligent they are the crazier they act, not just the attractive ones. How is that our fault, I’m sure many of you mangina’s can tell me.

And if your not angry and upset about all of this it doesn’t mean your a good equalist it just means you are too ignorant to see what is going on. And you love your daughters more than your sons.

I hold little hope that things will change. So, man up and don’t woman up. And fight for custody and teach your son’s. They are failing badly in school. The schools (run by…guess who?) say it is your son’s problem not theirs.

Perhaps the sane majority gets snapped up sooner or tends to stay in relationships longer, creating an impression of residual jerkiness in the un-bonded remainder? (Dimitri Martin does a comedy routine called Important Things, which includes a list of mythical creatures. The last mythical creature is the Improbalasaurous, where he shows a simple line drawing of a young woman with the caption: “I’m smart, funny, and cute. I don’t have a boyfriend. Also, I’m not crazy.”)

@Alek:
To women who say ~ “yes, but all men are abusive jerks and the patriarchy encourages it”

I usually reply ~”Yes, you’re right! No man deserves you! Please, please stay single. Don’t even date.” Then I walk away.

“All women are not crazy, entitled and abusive. A good many of them behave this way just like there are a good many men who behave similarly. There are stable, loving people of good character of both sexes. I know that sometimes it seems like the bad people outnumber the good in the world, but I have to believe this isn’t true (for my own peace of mind if nothing else) and I’m no Pollyana.”

No, not Pollyanna, more like more than a little condescending – as in the lesson of how ‘some men are bad and some women are bad’ as if we’re all in kindegarten. No, actually if that was even true, you could say all of that, but you would be missing the largest and most important part of the picture and that is: women are not held ACCOUNTABLE for anything they do, legally, socially, at work, in a marriage (because if a husband does try to hold a woman accountable she can either dial 911 or simply dump the husband because she holds legally 100,000% of all the cards) so even if a guy is a ‘jerk’ there’s nothing he can really do, whereas the woman can completely destroy your entire life with nothing but a pointed finger- making women 100 times far more DANGEROUS than a man to deal with. Starting to get the picture?

Not to mention that it is now a proven fact trhough scientific research that the more educated a woman is, the more abusive she is (the opposite is true for men) so you can’t win- either deal with a monster or an imbecile.

The smartest approach is to completely avoid women altogether (at least in the U.S.) – I deal with more men and women every day than all of you put togther on this site do in a YEAR and I can definitely tell you that women are FAR, FAR more hateful, petty and psychotic than men in general- and one reason they are is because they can get away with it and it is now simply part of our culture. The passive aggressive monster bitch from Hell is the ‘in’ thing.

Hope this helps to understand the reality of the situation.

Well, back in 1965 or so I thought women would behave better, as they claimed they would” if some laws were changed. What happened is that they degenerated into what they’ve become, being incapable of self-discipline or forethought and vehemently denying that they are totally dependent on men. It may be that the Arabs and the cultures they have influenced the most understood women all along.

Many thanks Dr. Palmatier. In this community we hear a lot about the effects and behavior of crazy women, but very little on the set ups for our vulnerability. As always, your writing is authoritative, highly credible and entertaining.

Keep up the good work. PLEASE.

Thanks, Paul. Will do.

Well there is one part of the cokplaints that is true. I definetely dont agree that all women are like that-in fact i think theres an equal number of bad men and women.

The part that some people brought up and IS true however is this:

society does give such women a pass and even encourages them… While demonizing men for everything. Heck a part of the pop culture even represents the “talk to the hand” behaviour as somehow empowering. So there is that part.

I invite you guys to come over to the Shrink4Men Forum to participate in the discussions on similar topics going on there. http://shrink4men.freeforums.org/index.php

As a woman entering into a relationship the worst thing that can possibly happen is that she might get her heart broken. Oh poor thing.. your ‘heart is broken.’

As a man entering into a relationship you only wish you had the luxurious life of the greatest risk being a broken heart- you are taking the greatest risk of your entire life- the very real possibility of financial ruin and prison.

You have no rights- at all- none. No say in whether a woman gives birth or not, no rights regarding child support, no rights in divorce court, no rights should you be falsely accused of rape/sexual assault (which can be anything a woman decides including a look, refer to the CDC- it’s clear that no one even knows what sexual assault even is) no rights to your children should you have any and she has your entire life in the palm of her hand. Only a fool would live under those
circumstances- under a tyrant- be she mild mannered or psychotic.

This seems to be where most people’s ability to discern between the legal and character issues seems to break down. It’s really not that complicated and there really isn’t anything more important to understand. Most everyone confuses the legal ramifications with the ebb and flow of feelings in a personal relationship – though they are tied on a umbilical cord – they are really two entirely different subjects.

Suppose I told you every time you drink and drive you are going to jail. That isn’t true, but does it matter? Intelligent people don’t do it because the risk is simply to great because the penalties are too great – too much to lose. The same applies to modern day marriage or ANY relationship you have with a woman today in the U.S. The LAWS are INSANE and ABUSIVE and today’s American female is simply the embodiment of that insanity.

Of course because of the completely manipulative, catty and insincere nature of a woman’s very soul, most of the time it is completely impossible to tell if a woman is emotionally abusive when you first meet her or even in the first year. All of that usually comes later after she’s gotten everything she wants – you/married/in the house/children and now you are over a barrel- locked in with no options other than divorce and losing everything including the right to see your children more than a few days a month.

Not that men cannot be manipulative and abusive.. the difference is that manipulation and deceit and constant criticism is a woman’s very operating system and that is emotional abuse. Women by their very nature are manipulative abusive mentally- it’s the only way they know how to get what they want- always kind of a quasi-fraud – they certainly aren’t willing to so it through hard work and/or intellect.

Combine that with a legal system society/culture that completely enables her and what you have is a nightmare and a monster. And you know it- you see it all around you everyday. Sometimes I wonder if people have actually ever met a real live woman.

No, here’s the real truth- some men can be emotionally abusive. All women are emotionally abusive. Don’t be stupid and let a sweet smile with pretty teeth and a sweet demeanor fool you – that’s the ‘bait.’

A lot of sound practical common sense in Dr Tara’s latest article, put in a clear easy to understand way.

It is easy to regard the men who become involved with this type of women as idiots, but I wonder how much sexual intercourse is responsible for over-riding a man’s rationality and common sense. It has often over-ridden mine in my youth, and it is only by sheer luck I was not caught by fatherhood and exploited by these worthless girl friends – as many men are.

I agree with the last comment about how sex can cloud judgement. Maybe not even cloud, consciously I traded her disordered behavior for the wild sex. Maybe sex is what these women also use to keep their “prey” in captivity.

The problem I have – is not being attracted to the same type of woman over and over… I never get the over-powering immediate chemistry from a women. Instead, I pick her apart with questions (tactfully placed).

As I get older, the women I meet seem to get more and more clever when lying about themselves.

They lie about how independant they are, how much in debt they are, what kinds of head-medications they take etc…

At first, they seem very stable, independant, and strong-willed.

As the relationship progresses, I find out that they were lying about:

Taking STRONG head-meds (like lithium, lamictal – others).
Addiction to drugs or alcohol.
Being 100,000 dollars or even more in debt (not from a house either).
Being financially dependant on their parents (even at my age!)
Their history of domestic violence (physical/emotional outbursts – from them!).

Many other things.

I refine my “screening process”, only to be lied to again eventually (because I am not a human lie-detector – is there a secret to this – besides making sure they are looking you in the eye when they talk?????).

Some are inept liars (thank goodness), others expect me to provide for their debts, emotional problems, mental problems etc – with no shame at all (they make no effort to lie).

Some are skilled at lying – they can look me directly in the eye, and tell me things like, “The only debt is my house”, “I do not take head-meds”, “I do not result to physical violence to settle my differences” etc…

Some can even fake a laugh and answer, “WHAT!!? Are you serious about that question!??”…

As I stated at the start – I do not feel “immediate chemistry” with these women. I have passed up some EXTREMELY good-looking women too – no B.S.

I scrutinize carefully, and eventually, one is clever enough to fool me.
Eventually, I learn enough truths about her, and I am forced to terminate the relationship.

Does this fall into the category you describe here?

Richard, sound like I run into similar problems while dating. I usually get thrown off by a lot of these lies and will take their word usually for the first six or so dates. It’s very difficult to sort out the liars from the true blues. So you really need to “get in there” to be able to figure things out and then go from there? Maybe this could be a topic for a future article?

I don’t see much difference between men who are attracted to crazy women and women who are attracted to unsavory problematic men. Two sides of a coin.

Kyle

Are some of you men gay? No, seriously. Are some of you guys gay? Avoid women all together? Ok, here is the deal. There are crazies on both ends of the gender lines. We all have our insecurities. It makes us human. By you being afraid of loving someone, you do a disservice to yourself and to others. Because you may shut out potential love interests from your impenetrable wall. I’m admitting as a woman, that I get crazy when I’m left to feel insecure about myself. If someone breaks my heart I’m still the courteous, sweet person but I’ll cross some social lines because of my insecurities. Nothing volatile or abusive, just a bit manipulative to get back at the person, if they deserve it from their crazy ways. It’s not right, and we do gloss over wonderful, real men. In my young years that is something I’m working on because I realize I’m attracted to jerks.

i met a guy last year, dated, fell in love, and then he broke up with me i still dont know the reason. a month later hes dating this girl who turns out is bi polar, very emotionally unstable… cops called, ambulance (she cuts herserlf), she assulted him more than once. he kicked her out… 2 months later my ex tells me shes moving in with him again and they are going to try again… im the good girl!! dont drink or do drugs, emotionally stable, i even have a job!! why her and not me… we were soo happy together our relationship was a dream compared to her… i dont get it