Parental Alienation Day, the holiday of heartbreak

2010-04-25
By

Parental Alienation Day is one holiday that no one wants to celebrate.  For many the name stirs a mild curiosity.  For others, a searing pain that cuts through their very soul.

Mike Jeffries said it best on Basil & Spice when he wrote, “You won’t find an e-card that says, ‘Happy Parental Alienation Day.’ However if more people know why parents alienate a child from the child’s other parent, and how damaging these behaviors are to the child, then more people can help address the problem. Awareness and education are the first steps towards change.”  See Parental alienation information and support.

How common is parental alienation?  Four out of every 10 children whose parents don’t live together haven’t seen their fathers in over a year.  See Why is there a fathers rights movement?.

Mothers are victims of parental alienation too.  Which is why some are left scratching their heads when radical feminist domestic violence advocates and so-called “protective mother” groups film fake documentaries to convince legislators that parental alienation isn’t real.

What causes parental alienation?  Many things can set parental alienation in motion.  From a man taking the advice of his attorney to “go after her” with everything he has, to a woman taking the advice of friends to say she’s “scared of him.”  See VAWA funds parental child abduction.  Well-meaning but misinformed people can knock separating parents off-track.

National columnist Kathleen Parker, who is pro-family court reform and a friend to fathers recently won the 2010 Pulitzer Prize for Commentary.  Fathers & Families quote Parker:  “The divorce system is counterintuitive and morally bankrupt, and needs reinventing… What the organized fathers’ groups want isn’t wrong or mean-spirited but right and fair to children. Who among us can blame a man, wrongfully denied his own child, for shouting out that he was framed?”

Equal parenting 101: What’s the best way to divorce with children?

Teri Stoddard is a nature loving, 50-something San Francisco Bay Area native, mom of four and grandma to two. After a career in foster and child day care, Teri continues her child advocacy by reporting on family rights and issues affecting San Francisco Bay Area families. Teri is Director of Marketing for Danville and Lamorinda College Nannies & Tutors.

Recent Articles:

Popular articles:

Tags: ,

789 views

  • Robert Gartner

    Its a truly dangerous world when our own government and 501 c 3 advocacy groups (Ex: Justice For Children Houston, Texas)indoctrinate and facilitate Parental Alienation (PA). May I suggest the ‘nourishment’ of such behaviors are best explained by the great work of Anne Wilson Schaef, When Socitety Becomes An Addict, Harper and Row, 1986.

    My own daughter now 23 years of age was taken from me when she was only 6 1/2. Its been seventeen years and she still cannot relate with me and has barely begun a relatinship that was severed so very long ago. Her mother a severe level alienator was ‘helped’ by Justice for Children which patently rejects the existence of PA.

    Society must wake up the the utter destruction of itself often at the hands of government.

  • http://www.dads-r-us.se/ Ulf Andersson

    “Its a truly dangerous world when our own government and 501 c 3 advocacy groups (Ex: Justice For Children Houston, Texas)indoctrinate and facilitate Parental Alienation (PA).”

    So noted in Sweden by PappaRättsGruppen,
    The Fathers Rights Group.
    We have also been very suspicient against FNF
    (Families Need Fathers, UK) – not without good reasons
    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article4743750.ece

    Ulf Andersson
    Founder of and spokesperson for PappaRättsGruppen
    http://www.dads-r-us.se/

  • AvgGuy

    Thank you Teri for all of your efforts to shed light on this painful subject.

    Everyone should be aware that there are many radical feminist groups that deny the existence of parental alienation and who bitterly oppose the efforts to fight this problem. Make no mistake, these groups have powerful allies in political and legal offices throughout this country.

    The following link will reveal what NOW has to say about parental alienation:
    http://www.nowfoundation.org/issues/family/pad.html

  • http://www.sharedparentingworks.org Teri Stoddard

    Thanks for the link AvgGuy.

  • keith

    Having experienced this myself, I now believe that families separating should require a counselor as mandatory for the first year at least. To follow reintegrating a new routine that does not sabotage the significance of existing familial relationships. Because family law practitioners in conjunction with the courts promote an adversarial process, their rates should be fixed by legislation. For example they should not be allowed to charge more than 60.00 dollars an hour.

    No Fault Divorce does not mean no responsibility. If the courts mandate their choices to represent the benefit of the child, it must begin by cleaning it’s own house first. There is no reason to not find the courage to change the existing system or remove it completely.

    Imagine child advocate professionals replacing judges and assessment officers replacing lawyers. So that conditions are confirmed rather than argued. Imagine integration counselors that organize transitions rather than restraining orders and cops to facilitate fear based accusation.

    Imagine a no fault divorce that is followed by a not for profit hearing. If you can imagine that as I can, you could also imagine that such a process would not require court rooms but rather counseling rooms.

    Why can’t we imagine something better for ourselves and for our children. I believe that we will come to understand that the system as it is, is a large contributor to parental alienation and domestic violence. No government should have that force in the community.

  • http://www.afamilysheartbreak.com mike jeffries

    Thanks for your continued efforts and support, Teri. I was heartened to see the long list of positive Parental Alienation Day activities pop up in my Google Alerts this morning. If yesterday’s events saved one child and family from the heartbreak that so many others have experienced than it was worth it.

    Keep up the good work.

    Sincerely,

    mike jeffries
    Author, A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation

  • bizzman662

    Two years and counting for me. Married 11 years.

    I was awarded every other weekend, altenating holiday and two weeks in the summer….even after the “I’m Afraid” was used per her attorneys advice…….on her Victim Impact Statment….she said “He is a GREAT guy”…….After being awarded my “visitor” time…..wife called me and said, Since I know how the law works now, I would suggest you just get on with your life since harassment is something I can claim if you try to see the kids………

    Ex got married within a year……called my mother on Christmas and told her how much the kids love the “New Dad”………

    All I can do is MAKE THOSE DOLLAR BILLS to pay a blood sucking attorney to go back in and enforce my time……

    Sad that it has taken me TWO YEARS to recover to the point where I MIGHT have enough for the retainer…..

    But naaaaaa….this NEVER happens……N.O.W. must be right….PA is just something we came up with so we can abuse our kids…..since ALL men are violent and ALL women are victims…..

    Love you kids……I’m still fighting for you…..but you have NO IDEA…….

  • patrick

    think “chivalry”, and how the only advocate for women, besides feminists groups that say a lot and do little, is the courts.

    if you want your door held for you, maybe ladies, next time, ask the courts to open it for you.

    that is today’s chivalry.

    today the courts are harboring the poor lasses – and the poor lasses are beholding to the courts.

    but don’t expect chivalry from men, when the divorce machine has become women’s best advocate.

    Maybe ask the government for more protection, while simultaneously going to tea parties telling the government to butt out of your lives.

    you want everything, and honestly, I’m pointing the way. Next time you want a little snuggling, go to court – maybe they can find someone you’ll resonate with.

    done with that aspect of life, and sad to see how the courts have become advocates for women’s rights only.

    I know Sacks et all are working on this, but read the first comment, and you know that this is the story many men are facing with little of no recourse.

    Open your door ?

    pound sand, ladies. Ask a judge for your next favor.

  • bizzman662

    Just one more thing to think about:

    What causes parental alienation? Many things can set parental alienation in motion. From a man taking the advice of his attorney to “go after her” with everything he has, to a woman taking the advice of friends to say she’s “scared of him.” See VAWA funds parental child abduction. Well-meaning but misinformed people can knock separating parents off-track.

    So……we have a system in place that allows a woman to ROB us of our children, our homes, our posessions and our cash……..they are allowed to RESTRAIN us from our LIVES……

    Then we are FORCED to go into court to disprove the strategy used by the womans attorney…..and most of us get our time “awarded” with the kids at the end of it…..

    Here however comes the kicker:

    1. Since a man has a “DV” charge on his record…..(however you define it)….wife gets awarded extra cash and support from the man since she played that card and has the kids.
    2. Man probably lost the job he had and can’t find another one in a timely fashion since he has the whole “DV” thing on his record. (however you define it).
    3. Woman KNOWS how the “System” works now and let’s the MAN know that she is more than willing to use it again if he want’s to see his kids.
    4. MAN is so afraid to have the “DV” jail/court/social destruction happen again, he tries to move on and get HIS house in order for the future of his kids.
    5. Meanwhile since the whole “DV” thing happend and it’s harder to find good employment, he starts to fall behind on CS/Alimony.
    6. Finally he lands another job, but he is so FAR behind….it will take that much LONGER to catch up and retain his GOD GIVEN RIGHTS as a FATHER.
    7. Mom usually is letting the kids know SOMETHING ELSE is going on with Dad….(Besides 1-6)…..Who KNOWS what she tells the kids…..
    8. Mom finds it EASY to move on….while DAD is suffering financially, emotionally and physically…..looking over his shoulder ALL the time for the “enforcement” office to TAKE his paycheck or come to his door……

    I could keep going on with this list…..but MY point is…..you gotta give it to WHOEVER set this “System” up……it is SO EVIL and VILE……and yet SO effective……

    Sad that this is the corner MEN in America have been boxed into……

    As a Veteran of this country……I am ASHAMED that I fought for the RIGHTS of those in POWER to do this to us……

    Remember…..It’s NOT in the best interest of the Children…..it’s in the best interest of the BILLIONS upon BILLIONS of dollars this system generates every year for SO MANY……..

    That’s why this WILL NOT change……BILLIONS Of dollars is a hard thing to let go of….and that is why you see N.O.W. fighting this to the bitter end…..

  • SingleDad

    My brother and mother suffered greatly when his ex alienated the children. But my bro hung in there and now that they’re young adults, he has a better relationship with them than their alienating mom did. Karma is a bitch.

    Hang in there, you will always be their dad.






Search

RSS Amy Alkon

RSS Donna Laframboise