It is a tremendous honor to be asked to serve as President of
the American Coalition of Fathers and
Children. We stand at a critical point. Families today are
under attack as never before. But this attack does not come primarily
from pornography, television, rock music, drugs, or even homosexuality.
The attack comes from government, and it targets the family's
weakest and most vulnerable point: the father. The wholesale separation
of children from their fathers, the mass incarceration of fathers
without due process of law, the seizure of children from both
mothers and fathers, the abuse of children by the very officials
who claim to be protecting them -- this is hidden behind a media
blackout, hidden behind the silence of the politicians, but it
is the terrifying reality for millions of Americans.
The crisis is especially acute now. Sharp increases in already-crushing
"child support" burdens, new penalties ostensibly to combat "domestic
violence" -- these will produce more broken homes and fatherless
children, more parents in jail, and further erosion of constitutional
rights.
But it is also a hopeful time. As Americans wake up to the crimes
being committed against families by their own government, they
shake their heads in disbelief but cannot deny the reality they
witness in their own lives. The media and politicians too can
no longer look the other way, as fathers speak out and organize
to protect their families.
Family and marriage issues are on the front pages around the
world, and ACFC intends to make fathers and parents generally
a leading voice in that conversation.
In the coming months and years, I look forward to working with
ACFC Founder and Board Chairman David Roberts, Executive Director
Mike McCormick, Communications Director John Maguire, Treasurer
Ileana Basil, Membership Director Susan Antomarchi, and other
prominent activists and all of you to stop the systematic destruction
of families. ACFC is a rapidly growing organization, with new
members and new affiliates added daily. In partnership with groups
formed by many of you, ACFC will publicize and challenge the government's
offensive.
Parents are now resisting the government's intrusions with new
determination. I hear parents asking how they can become active,
pledging to sacrifice whatever is required, vowing never to relent,
dedicating the remainder of their lives to rescue their children
from the clutches of this cruel machine. And yes, I hear some
parents (increasing numbers, it seems) threatening to use measures
which we dare not condone. But I also hear them vowing sacrifices
which we can only admire.
Even now, we witness courageous deeds and heroic sacrifices.
In Britain, fathers have placed their demands on the front pages
of the most prestigious news organizations in the world. In Australia,
Prime Minister John Howard has put divorce and custody issues
before the national legislature. In Canada, debates on custody
law are also national news.
What Lies Ahead?
As fathers and parents, we are uniquely situated to lead families
out of this bondage, as others have done before. But we must have
no illusions. Before we reach the promised land of freedom, we
must fight our way through a wilderness of despair.
We will be called vicious names: "deadbeat," "batterer," "pedophile,"
and more. We must withstand scorn from the media and politicians
that offers us no platform to defend ourselves. We must be prepared
to endure fabricated accusations of the most hideous crimes against
our own children, with few constitutional protections for our
rights. We must face summary incarceration from government bullies
motivated by a toxic mix of self-righteousness and self-dealing.
Indeed, some of us will find ourselves called upon to make (as
some have already) the supreme sacrifice that fathers have never
hesitated to make for the children.
We must dispense with the illusion that others will win this
struggle for us. We must discard the vain hope that if only we
inform them of the terrible injustices perpetrated against parents
and children, then journalists, politicians, family advocates,
or civil libertarians will wake up, and do their jobs, and end
this injustice.
The bitter truth is that no one can "save the children" but their
parents. We alone are responsible for our children, and we alone
must protect them. No one will cry for us if we succumb. No one
will respect us if we complain. No one will listen to our excuses
if we fail. No one -- including our children themselves.
The entire burden rests upon us and no one else. But when we succeed
-- and we will succeed -- we will create a legacy of moral
authority and family strength that will be passed to our children,
and to theirs, and beyond.
Even the most vicious among our opponents have paid us this high
tribute: They have made us responsible. "Father absence," we are
told (and told correctly), accounts for virtually all today's
social problems. And so we are blamed for being "absent" -- even
when we have no right to be present. We are held responsible when
a marriage ends, even when we did not end it. We alone are made
responsible for providing for our children, even when they are
forcibly removed from our care. We alone are held responsible
for violence in the family, even when we have not committed it
(and even when it is committed against us). We are held responsible
for the abuse of our children, even when they are abused by others.
We are held responsible for the wayward behavior of our children,
even when we are not permitted to offer them guidance and correction.
Even when it is beyond our control, we alone are responsible.
We must not shirk this responsibility, for it is the essence
of fatherhood. We must embrace it, for it is the salvation of
our children and the restoration of our families. It is time we
took the fair-weather friends of fatherhood at their word by standing
up and taking action. The time for talk is past. It is
now time to act.
Who We Are
So let us take this opportunity to state clearly before the world
who we are and what we stand for.
There are those who claim to advocate for an abstraction called
"fatherhood." Others describe themselves as defenders of "the"
family. Many are well-intentioned. But they tend to be political
professionals, and they often claim to speak for "the children,"
not their own.
Some of these professionals chide us because (they say) we are
looking out for our own interests, our own families. They seem
to claim moral superiority because they concern themselves with
other people's children.
It is true that we have a personal interest in preserving families.
Because we (and we alone) are defending our families. For
us, the family is not an abstraction or an object for our good
deeds. We do not pretend to be motivated by concern for someone
else's children. We concern ourselves only with our own. We are
not crusaders or zealots. And we are not professionals. We are
proud to be amateurs (literally, those "who love"). We
are parents, and our aims are limited. But that is not our weakness;
that is our strength.
It is our strength because we have the authority not of paid
officials but of parents and citizens. Politicians always promise
to return power to "the people." But we are the people.
We have endured much from the politicians, but when they take
our children, we draw a line.
The good intentions of fatherhood promoters, family defenders,
and children's advocates cannot meet the test. They will not fight
for our children. They will not sacrifice for our children. They
will not risk their careers or livelihoods or lives for our children.
They will not die for our children.
There is no such abstraction as "the" family. There are only
families -- our families. We alone can and will defend
them. If others wish to help -- journalists, politicians, defenders
of the Constitution, critics of the judiciary, civil libertarians
-- we welcome them, and they will have our gratitude. But we must
make it clear to friend and foe alike that this is foremost our
struggle. We -- and we alone -- can save families, because
they are our families.
Likewise, we do not trumpet an abstraction called "fatherhood."
We are concerned with our fatherhood, the fatherhood of
each individual father. And we will establish it not with words
that cost nothing but with deeds that may cost us dearly indeed.
If those who pose as the champions of fatherhood dislike our
deeds, then it is time they examined what they mean by "fatherhood."
For if it means anything less than defending one's children against
those who would interfere with them or take them away, then theirs
is a definition of fatherhood we find wanting. They are entitled
to their opinion, of course, but we are entitled to our children.
And our children are entitled to us.
Opinions are important (to a point), and "a decent respect to
the opinions of mankind" is obligatory in a democracy. But few
who have both would regard their opinions as being of equal importance
as their children. While we respect the opinions of others about
the best interest of children in the abstract, we expect others
to respect our decisions about the best interest of our own children.
And we expect them to understand something more: that no parent
is answerable to government officials for how they raise their
children or for exercising their right and duty to protect them.
The best interest of children is a continued meaningful relationship
with both parents. And the best way to achieve that is limit the
discretion of judges with a rebuttable presumption of 50-50 shared
parenting
Where We Stand Now
It is impossible to overestimate the burden that weighs upon
our shoulders. We face a government that threatens our children,
our lives, our Constitution, and quite possibly the very basis
of civilization itself. Before our very eyes we see history's
greatest experiment in human freedom being debased into a ruthless,
depraved, diabolical tyranny.
It has fallen to us "to wage war against a monstrous tyranny,
never surpassed in the dark, lamentable catalogue of human crime."
But this tyranny does not come from abroad; it has arisen in our
very midst. It is a tyranny of cowards, that hides in secret courtrooms
and protected offices, that fears the citizens it ostensibly serves,
while cynically using and abusing innocent children to increase
the power of grown-ups.
Against this foe, we have no illusions that our struggle will
be easy, that laws will be passed tomorrow to free our children.
Even were this to happen, it would be to little avail. New laws
are only as effective as the citizens who demand them. The means
of freeing our children are already in our own hands. Our children
will be free when their fathers stand up and speak out like men.
Families will be safe and strong when parents everywhere know
they must join us and build upon our work or face destruction,
as we do now.
Defeat is not an option, because we fight for our very survival
and for the survival of our children, and of their children. We
will comport ourselves with dignified outrage. We will never cross
the line into violence. But neither will we relent, withdraw,
or surrender. And if we are struck down, others will rise up in
our place.
How Far Do We Go?
How we speak out is a decision that each of us must make alone.
We in the national offices of ACFC understand our task of providing
leadership. But some initiative must come from you. Throughout
the US and the world, parents are finding bold and creative ways
of calling attention to this tyranny. Their courage is producing
results.
ACFC is a broad political church. Each of us has our own views
about the most fundamental questions before us: the goals we seek,
the priorities we deem most urgent, the methods of achieving those
aims. Inevitably, differences and disagreements must arise. As
always, there will be the cautious and the impatient, the timid
and the eager, the moderates and the militants. In our case, however,
these difference represent more: Often, they reflect what the
government has done (and can still do) to us in particular and
to our children.
To the usual need for unity and forbearance of differences, therefore,
we have a special need for charity toward one another. No man
who sees his children has a right to brand as extreme one who
does not. Likewise, no man has a right to label as timid one who,
by acting rashly, could lose access to his children as a result.
Were the circumstances reversed, the self-styled man of reason
may be the one to find himself (as journalists say) "foaming at
the mouth," and the coward may prove a hero.
However each decides to serve, each has a role, and all are needed.
ACFC is here to offer support. The only line we draw is that ACFC
does not condone violence in any form as a political method.
What You Can Do
The power of the divorce regime is formidable, but the power
in our own hands is much greater. They are trading in lies, and
as Dr. King said, "No lie can live forever."
Beyond the power of the truth, we have 15-20 million non-custodial
parents, plus tens of millions more who love and support them.
United in one voice and with our friends abroad, we have the power
to check the global destruction of families.
But even short of that, your personal action now sends a message
to your own children in particular, even children whom you may
think have been irrevocably lost to you: Their father or mother
loves them enough to sacrifice, to risk, and to act.
Many good parents' groups already operate across America and
the world, and ACFC does not intend to duplicate or replace or
preempt the work of any. Our aim is to unite and facilitate and
support.
If you ask what you must do, this is my reply: I personally urge
every parent in America -- single, married, or divorced -- to
the following actions IMMEDIATELY:
- First, if you have no done so already, join ACFC. (Call 800-978-DADS,
or www.acfc.org.)
- Second, join your local group. If it is not yet an ACFC affiliate,
begin the steps to make it one. The paperwork is very simple.
DON'T BE PUT OFF. ("Yea, I went to a fathers' group, but it
was just a gripe session, everyone complaining about their ex-wives
and the judge. So I never went back…") A group is what its members
make it. If you don't like it, join and change it. YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH
NOTHING ALONE.
- Third, contact your local media. Tell them your story. Tell
them about your local group. Say they are affiliated to ACFC.
Get others in the group to do the same. Then do it again. And
again. Be respectful but persistent. Do not let them put you
off. Investigating government wrongdoing is their job. Eventually
they will respond.
- Stand up in your church, your civic group, union, or place
of employment, at candidates' campaign rallies, PTA or school
board meetings, or wherever issues of the family or children
or public policy are being discussed. Tell them what has happened
to you, to your children, and to countless others. Don't be
afraid to change the subject. (Getting our issues on the public
agenda by definition means changing the subject.) Is
what they are discussing more important than your children?
Try to have others present to second you. Do not be afraid of
what people will think of you. Is the opinion of the world more
important than your children? Do not be afraid to be called
angry. You should be angry. "There are some things…to which
I am proud to be maladjusted," said Dr. King, "and to which
I call upon you to be maladjusted." Be dignified but outraged.
Show yourself to be a man of courage and a leader. You do not
have to climb a scaffold 200 feet into their air, but is it
too much to raise your hand or stand upright and relate the
atrocious crimes the government has committed against your children?
"Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of
every one of its members," wrote Emerson. "Whoso would be a
man, must be a nonconformist." Show the world and your children
that you are not afraid to be different, that you are a man.
- Finally, stay connected with ACFC through the email listserve
or by the web site for information about developments, groups,
and activities.
In times of crisis, people often ask, "Where are the heroes?"
In this crisis, the heroes can come from only one place: the parents,
and foremost fathers. You may not realize it yet, but eventually
the eyes of the world and of history will be upon us. We will
be weighed in the balance, and future generations will judge what
we do.
Yours in solidarity,