April 18, 2005

"Openness and accountability." That's what former U.S. senator and University of Colorado president-designate Hank Brown said would mark his presidency when he takes over for the inept Elizabeth Hoffman on August 1st. Although Brown has the credentials for the job, the problem may be beyond his control, and it may be that no one can save the University of Colorado at Boulder from itself.

The trouble is multifold. C.U. Boulder's primary problem lies with the crew, which is infested with extremists who not only don't respect the man who will be their new captain, but who loathe him and everything he stands for. These radicals have no intention of assisting Brown in carrying out his duties and mission. Far from it. Instead, the leftists awaiting Brown's arrival intend to do whatever they can to hamstring the Republican politician.

The Boulder campus is a ship that, although about to receive a seasoned skipper who will relieve a certified dolt, has a crew that has no interest in saving the badly listing vessel. They do not believe there's anything wrong with the ship and therefore will not willingly do a damn thing to right her, regardless of Brown's orders. The liberal cancer killing C.U. Boulder is viewed by the left-wing professors there not as a cancer but as a badge of honor. Head mutineer Ward Churchill is worshipped by his fellow socialist faculty members, who see him as a god.

Brown also faces the riots, drugs, alcohol, hate, hookers, cronyism, secret slush funds, racism, rapes and other violence that have become the hallmarks of C.U. Boulder. Can we honestly expect one man with little support from those he must lead to be able to save the university from itself?

Many years ago, there was a certain unit in the 2nd Marine Division that was the appointed repository for the division's wayward Marines. Drunks, druggies, thieves, racists and reprobate Marines in general were all sent to this unit to await discharge, court martial and so on. The division needed a strong company commander, seasoned company first sergeant and no-nonsense company gunny to get control of the unit and smoothly get rid of the bums while becoming entirely operational and deployable. I was chosen as the company gunny.

The first thing I noticed after a few days in the company was how the platoons and sections all believed they were autonomous. It didn't take me long to figure out which staff non-commissioned officers and commissioned officers I was going to have trouble with because they believed they didn't have to cooperate with me unless they felt like it. They soon learned that if their platoons and sections wanted hot chow in the field instead of cold meals ready to eat (MREs; less-than-tasty pre-packaged meals), they had better play team ball. I knew what was important to them and took it away until they wised up, which they did quite quickly. I made the hard heads understand that it would go badly for them if they continued to mess with me.

Brown won't have the luxury of such power. In fact, his miscreant professors and doped up, drunken students will attempt to subvert his authority just as they did with Hoffman. This means Brown is going to have to think outside of the box and get very creative with the rabble he has agreed to lead. His ace in the hole may very well be those students and faculty members who are mature and responsible enough to influence the mob. Peer pressure can be a dandy tool. But Brown has to be clever and astute enough to identify the people who can help him and deploy them wisely. And he must have the guts to publicly and effectively target the mob's leader, wannabe indian Churchill. Churchill's heathens are undisciplined and lack mental toughness. Without their leader, they will crumble and scatter. Cults are like that.

So, Hank. You probably have just one shot at saving your ship. Seize the wheel and put the fear of God into the members of your crew who have sabotaged your ship. If you fail to do so, she'll founder and vanish beneath the waves of leftist extremism.

Bob Newman