April Fools Of ‘04
Audrey Seiler, Spike Lee, and the Night of the “Living Wage”

April 3, 2004

It’s just the start of April but some fools got a head start….

When this “abduction” thing first broke, I smelled a rat.

The news alerts commenced and background on missing Audrey Seiler was quickly provided.  One incident reported was her earlier being bonked on the head near her home and waking up somewhere else.  I joked how she probably got drunk and walked into a telephone pole.

Now what the hell was she doing leaving her apartment at 2:30 in the morning this time?  When she was “found” and the Madison, Wisconsin assistant police chief said at an afternoon press conference that it was a “reported abduction”, I knew she was a fake.  It now turns out she lied about the knife, duct tape, rope, and cold medicine used to kidnap her, seeing how surveillance tape at a local store showed Little Audrey buying the stuff herself.

What really gets me is the talking heads, especially the women, saying how Audrey needs help.  Ya think…?

If Audrey were a man, there wouldn’t be all this sympathy and understanding.  We would be seeing the figures on how much the Madison law enforcement community spent looking for this liar, charges would have been issued for filing a false police report, and we’d see video of all the pissed off people who were used to satisfy the ego of a spoiled brat who sought attention.

So she’s either receiving psychiatric evaluations or at home in seclusion, depending on what source you hear.  They’ll make her out to be a poor, troubled little girl and since she’s nuts, she’ll avoid prosecution.  Audrey will be offered a book deal and a Lifetime movie is probably being written as we speak.

Sick.

Former Notre Dame Heisman Trophy winner Paul Hornung was vilified this week because he said in order to remain competitive in football, the college couldn’t "stay as strict as we are as far as the academic structure is concerned because we've got to get the black athlete."

The usual suspects lost their minds over the statement, conveniently forgetting they make the same excuses for blacks by embracing the whole concept of Affirmative Action.  In college basketball, the NCAA hides behind “privacy provisions” and won’t report the overall (and probably most embarrassing) graduation rate of black players.

Instead of jumping on Hornung for acknowledging what all the colleges DO, when will the lousy education of urban blacks be addressed?  Young black boys are taught via peer pressure and athletic shoe companies that the only career attainable is one in basketball, and the only obstacle in life is racism.  No mention of the liberal black politicians, school superintendents, principals, teachers, and activists who make excuses for the abysmal education our kids continue to receive.

Despite the fact that she plowed her father’s 1979 Rolls-Royce into two parked cars, and a police officer said he "had to put my hands under her armpits and literally help her out of her car" because she was too drunk to walk, Manhattan Judge Donna Mills effectively used the race card and was found not guilty of drunk driving.

The jury didn’t seem impressed by eyewitness testimony that the judge was drinking scotch on the rocks for seven and a half hours prior to getting behind the wheel.  Still, Mills claims she was pulled over because she was black.  Funny, I don’t remember too many incidents where a white driver, stankin’ of scotch, hit a couple of cars and was allowed to drive away.  Not even Halle Berry was that lucky.

The facts of this case include the fact that Judge Mills, while drunk, kicked arresting Officer Paul Jackson five times during her arrest, although he stopped to buy her cigarettes.

Try that the next time you get busted for DWI and see where it gets you.

Be Careful What You Ask For

Next week, Condoleeza Rice will be testifying to the 9/11 Commission.  The left and its media are all over themselves with gleeful anticipation.

It’s funny how liberals, who are the first to issue sensitivity tips, are the ones who praise Dr. Rice because they say she’s so “articulate”, like they’re privately shocked that black people can actually piece a sentence together without ending with “you know what I’m sayin’?”  This condescension will come back and haunt them when they try and nail what liberals instinctively consider an inferior black woman, especially because they deem her a conservative token appointee.

With the media noting that Rice needs to deliver a “slam dunk” to save Bush, a term I don’t think would be made if Hillary was testifying, it should be fun watching politicians trying to trip up someone they are literally and figuratively looking down on.

Plus, judging from recent history and personal experience, just try and get a woman to say something she doesn’t want to say….

Kid Gloves

On one of the cable shows last week, I saw some wives of 9/11 victims claiming that the Bush Administration knew the terrorists were going to slam jets into the Twin Towers.  Of course these poor, suffering women weren’t taken to task on the same partisanship issues all on the Commission are instructed to avoid.

And what really struck me was their spending all their time blaming George Bush and not the animals that slammed aircraft into the buildings, incinerating people both instantly and slowly.

It must be an election year….

Spiked

After saying that Larry Bird was the "most overrated player" in NBA history, director Spike Lee claims he was taken out of context.  “Taken out of context” is a high-profile coward’s way of saying ‘the public didn’t wholeheartedly agree with me as they should have and now they don’t like me, so whoever said what I said didn’t say it like I really meant it’.

Spike, Boston Celtic Larry Bird has done something several recent New York Knick teams blessed by your courtside attendance have not: won three NBA championships.

Also note the pass liberal loudmouth Lee got as opposed to the ill timed, but factual statement Rush Limbaugh made about overrated loser Donovan McNabb.  But it’s old news: if you’re black and liberal, you can make all the racist statements you want and can still be ready to pounce on whomever hurts your warped feelings.

Stopped In Their Tracks

A Canadian judge ruled that the music industry couldn’t sue “uploaders” as they’ve done here in America.

In ruling that the industry failed to prove copyright infringement, Justice Konrad von Finckenstein said, “No evidence was presented that the alleged infringers either distributed or authorized the reproduction of sound recordings.  They merely placed personal copies into their shared directories which were accessible by other computer users via a P2P service.”

Von Finckenstein continued, “I cannot see a real difference between a library that places a photocopy machine in a room full of copyrighted material and a computer user that places a personal copy on a shared directory linked to a P2P service.''

I like this judge.

When the music business made good music, they never said anything when we’d record our friends’ albums on our cassette tapes and vice versa.  Now that they’re rapping, re-making, celebrating the juvenile and over-sexing almost every song, they insist the business is losing money because of downloading instead of their creating an inferior, unwanted product.

Must be a wardrobe malfunction….

San Francisco just raised it’s “living wage” from $6.75 to $8.50, and some are now fearful that it may actually COST JOBS!?

While liberal Frisco voted for this, do they really know why people go into business in the first place?  One would think someone comes up an idea, jumps through all the hoops necessary to make a business in order to be their own boss and provide a more secure future for their family.

But no….

In the liberal mind, a person goes into business so they can be a benevolent employer.  Profits are something only greedy people worry about and it’s the responsibility of an employer to offer free health care, lots of sick and vacation time off, and a big paycheck so some employees can put behind them how much they screwed off in school leaving them in the minimum wage tier for life.

"A lot of restaurants are barely hanging on as it is, and this is definitely going to be the nail in the coffin for a lot of places."
- Craig Stoll, co-owner of Delfina Restaurant

Mr. Stoll, it’s those employees’ right to have a job at those restaurants.  Get with the program, man….

It Depends What “Genocide” Is

Remember when Randall Robinson attacked Secretary of State Colin Powell for turning his back on fleeing Haitian President Jean Bertrand Aristide?

It turns out via recently declassified documents obtained under the Freedom of Information Act, the First Black President, Al Gore, and Clinton Administration officials received daily briefings of the "final solution to eliminate all Tutsis" in 1994 Rwanda and chose not to intervene.

I’ll bet hypocrite Robinson won’t say a word about this.

The administration even went as far as avoiding the public use of the word “genocide” to aid in their burying the massacre of over 800,000 people.  Since Rwanda had no minerals or strategic value, it wasn’t worth their sending Americans into another Somalia-type situation.

With that argument in hand, why did Clinton take the U.S. into Bosnia?  I may be a cynic, but it couldn’t have been because the American media was showing too much video of murdered white Bosnians.  Nah, that would be too much for Bill to deal with.  He had to act.  But race to aid some stupid Africans?  Apparently, not that crucial.

Maybe we should now gratefully refer to Bill Clinton the ‘Last Black President’.

Grand Master Kerry

Democrat Presidential candidate and veteran John Kerry claims he likes urban music.  "I'm fascinated by rap and by hip-hop.  I think that there's a lot of poetry in it.  There's a lot of anger, a lot of social energy in it.  I think you better listen to it pretty carefully because it's important."

Really…. 

When asked about “controversial” lyrics, Kerry said, "Do I think some lyrics in some songs have stepped over what I consider to be a reasonable line?  Yeah, I do.  I think when you start, you know, talking about killing cops or something like that, it bothers me."

At least he has a gauge….

Kerry continued on with MTV, "I'm still listening, because I know that it's a reflection of the street and it's a reflection of life.  And I understand all that."

Get over yourself, Kerry.  Like he “understands” street….

Tired Of Being Tired

Britain’s Muslim “leadership” now says they’re tired of having to apologize every time some Islamic fanatic blows up a train, a nightclub, a mall, or a building and a terrorist is arrested.

As I suggested in earlier columns, if they just came out denouncing the extremists and distanced themselves from them, public opinion would be different.  But it’s always the same old story: Muslims continue to be silent about terrorist actions and blame us for our apparent “profiling”, and the audacity of our noting the ethnic and theological similarities of the perpetrators.

To the “leadership”, apologies are becoming a nuisance.

These leaders never show sympathy for those whose body parts are blasted 360 degrees of where they were moments before a suicide blast.  They’re just concerned that we don’t hurt their feelings and we’d better respect their culture, complete with the prize of 72 virgins (for men only), or else. 

Bob Parks