February 18, 2005

It’s not working for me this year. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue just isn’t working.

We’re told this issue will generate $50 million in ad sales, calendars, television shows and other spin offs, but I think more people are thinking and feeling precisely what I am: that the concept is tired and played out.

Surely you’ve heard about the history of this issue. In 1964, the editors wanted to do something to draw readers during February. With football over and baseball not yet begun, readership usually plunged.

So on Jan. 20, 1964, they launched the first swimsuit issue -- a cover shot of a model in a one-piece swimsuit, and an eight-page spread on the inside. In the first issue, the models dressed modestly, but still some attacked the publication for exploiting and objectifying women.

Well, 41 years later, look at what the publication has become. This year’s issue promises, right on the front cover, to “get hotter.” Carolyn Murphy is barely holding her top up because she will “raise the water temperatures in the Bahamas.” We are promised body painting, photos of the model-search winner and model trading cards.

Who cares.

True there are some compelling moments. Daniella Sarahyba is wearing a mesh outfit that is nothing to mesh with. Even for Sports Illustrated, she’s pushing the envelope. She is spellbindingly stunning, I admit.

But for the most part the women are so predictably beautiful, they are boring. The articles -- I think there are articles in there -- are even more boring. And the advertisements are so eager to sell us their junk, I’m going out of my way to buy none of it.

I’m not sure why I feel so agitated by this year’s issue. Perhaps it has to do with my age. As 43 moves towards me like a train wreck, I am growing more suspicious and less patient of anyone who tries to manipulate me for any reason, and Sports Illustrated is clearly trying to manipulate me.

In the old days, as I said, some argued that women were being exploited by appearing in swimsuits, but I think it is clear now who really is being exploited: helpless men.

You see, at this time of the year we are feeling flabby and tired and second-guessing every decision we’ve ever made. The smile of a gorgeous, scantily-clad lady fills even the most rational among us with euphoria. The clever swimsuit issue editors are exploiting our neediness to sell us their junk.

But the swimsuit issue annoys me for another reason -- because it is a reflection of what has happened in our culture. Everything is so loud these days. So many people are on reality shows tripping over themselves for a touch of fame. There are no boundaries and certainly no sense of shame.

I got a letter recently from a woman nearly 80 years old, and she said the one thing that makes her saddest about our world is the loss of mystery. Nothing is left to the imagination. Few things are concealed.

That’s true about the swimsuit issue, too. It’s loud -- it is shouting at us demanding attention. Sure, the photos have been shot by the best photographers in the world. They have mastery over lighting and coloring and retouching, and they pull out all the stops in order to showcase the most beautiful women in the world.

But such beauty is not compelling to me -- at least not much anymore. It’s as hollow and over-played as Paris Hilton. It all comes across as a scam, a fraud. But in order for the scam to work, a mark is needed. I’m in no mood to be that mark.

Sports Illustrated claims that one in five Americans will look through this issue, but if they do they’ll probably look through it as I did. They’ll flip through some pages, then toss the magazine aside.

As I said, the swimsuit issue isn’t working for me anymore. I have a hunch a lot of people feel exactly the same way.

Tom Purcell

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