Clinton and greenhouse gases: "It depends on what your definition of 'warming' is

by Doug Powers

Here's your local forecast:

One hundred years from today, due to the fact that Bush did not sign the Kyoto Protocol, the polar ice caps will be melted, and the Gulf Stream will have little or no circulation causing temps to actually drop in Europe to 11 degrees below today's average. Africa and South America will be 12 degrees hotter than they are now, and three hurricanes (Charles, Dabney, and Dubya) will simultaneously strike Florida and Louisiana.

Your weather for this coming weekend? Your guess is as good as mine.

Meteorology, specifically climatology as it concerns global warming, seems to be one of those rare sciences for which the percentage of accuracy of predictions rises as the distance from the date in question increases.

To buy into this scientific convenience takes the same blind confidence required to believe an archer who tells you he can put an arrow through a soda can at 500 yards - the same person who you've noticed can't hit a bail of hay from 10 feet away.

Take global warming as an example. Ask somebody stricken with worry-induced dysentery due to fears of global warming what the world will look like in 100 years if the Unite States doesn't sign on to the Kyoto Protocol, and you'll be drawn a gloomy, and very specific, picture of our final days. Then ask them what the overnight low will be in Paducah two weeks from Thursday, and you'll get an unresponsive stare.

Not only are we certain of the doom that awaits us - thanks to people whose track record on predictions rivals Paris Hilton's algebra calculations when it comes to accuracy-- but some of us even know who's at fault for the impending scorched earth.

This past Friday, Bill Clinton did what he does best: traveled to another country to tell everybody how awful America is. This time, Bubba was invited by the Canadian branch of the Sierra Club to speak at the U.N. climate talks in Montreal. The topic, besides figuring out who had the checkbook from the "oil-for-food" account so they could order a few hundred pizzas, was global warming.

The crowd cheered at Clinton's Paganini-like virtuosity at playing the blame game against the United States.

The United States "is the worst offender" for contributing to global warming, said Clinton, who also took the opportunity to chastise George W. for not signing the Kyoto Protocol. After all, global warming's initials are "G.W." Coincidence? I think not.

We're told that America has just 4 percent of the world's population, but accounts for nearly a quarter of global greenhouse gas emissions. It's very likely that the remaining three-quarters of greenhouse gas emissions comes from environmentalists flying around the planet to emergency conferences on greenhouse gas emissions.

Given America's apparent penchant for lousiness, it's amazing that people are still dying to get in to the United States - proof positive that the human race is stupid and needs to be hand-held by the intellectually elite bureaucratic anti-American U.N. suck-ups.

The amazing thing about Bill Clinton is that, when he travels overseas, he speaks of the United States like a diner complaining about the poor service and dirty silverware at Chez America. When you remember that said complainer was just recently the manager of the restaurant for eight years, the complaints seem a little more comical.

Clinton was president for eight years. Eight years! Now he tries to come across merely the fed-up proletariat, rallying those choking on Uncle Sam's exhaust fumes with the cry of "victims of U.S. fossil fuel addiction unite!" - effectively displacing Al Gore as the Norma Rae of the polar ice caps and the Lech Walesa of the Gulf Stream.

As president, though, the only smokestack scrubber Clinton ever personally installed can be read about in the Starr Report.

In his Montreal speech, Clinton pointed to evidence of global warming, including that glaciers in the Himalayas, and Arctic sea ice, are melting and the warm Atlantic currents are slowing down.

One result of a slowing Gulf Stream would be, for several reasons, more severe winters and cooler summers in Europe. As Bill might say, "It depends on what your definition of 'warming' is."

The global-warming theory is brilliant in its conception, because even cooling to the point of another ice age is proof of the warming. The only area of the argument left uncovered is the part where the hand sticks out to take the money.

In Montreal, Bill Clinton had the audience whipped into a panicked frenzy over Bush-induced global warming.

The high temperature in Montreal the day Clinton spoke was 25 degrees Fahrenheit. Now that guy's a good salesman.

Doug Powers is a columnist and author from Michigan whose work appears regularly on MensNewDaily, WorldNetDaily, and various newspapers around the country. Doug's first book, "Because that's the way God decided to do it: A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world" is now available. Click here for chapter samples and to order. Also, check out Doug's blog for daily commentary.