Osama Returns, the World Yawns
By Greg Strange
Alas, but we have once again been pestered by the news of another communiqué from that insufferable boor, Osama bin Laden. Amazing how he manages to get these tapes shipped off from the bowels of whatever cave he resides in to the offices of Al-Jazeera. As in the past, this latest tape contained another rambling, semi-coherent message from the man with the 10th century mentality. Call him Rip Van Laden, the man who slept through or otherwise somehow missed the passage of a millennium or so.
One wishes he could get his nostalgia fix from reading ancient books or swapping old tales with his compatriots around the cave fire instead of foisting his jihadist nonsense on a world that has left him so far behind that, figuratively speaking, he is mired in the cultural and intellectual equivalent of the primordial sludge. The good news is that with each succeeding message from him, one gets the sense that he’s just about washed up, having gone from being undisputed king of the terrorists to inconsequential, annoying gadfly who turns up on occasion like a bad dinar.
This time the tape was audio only, perhaps so we couldn’t see how unhealthy he almost certainly looks. Its contents are basically a poorly worded summation of the liberal Democratic antiwar talking points: Bush is the real terrorist; America is losing the war in Iraq; the morale of American soldiers is spiraling downward; jihadist recruits are increasing exponentially; atrocities are being committed at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo. He even threw in a line about Bush’s “stupid show-like announcement from an aircraft carrier on the end of the major operations.” It’s the same kind of stuff you can hear all day long on Air America -- that is, if you could find a radio station that broadcasts the program, which is only slightly less difficult than finding Osama himself.
But there were actually some things of interest on Osama’s tape this time around, some special surprises, like a book recommendation of all things (no, it wasn‘t the Koran): “If Bush declines but to continue lying and practicing injustice [against us], it is useful for you to read the book of ‘The Rogue State,’ the introduction of which reads: If I were a president, I would halt the operations against the United States.”
I have absolutely no idea what most of that sentence means, but somewhere in it the guy was giving his best Oprah-like book recommendation. It would have helped if he had given the author’s name since Amazon.com lists a slew of books with “Rogue State” in the title. I’ll go out on a limb and guess that the rogue state in question is none other than the United States, but it doesn’t really matter since I don’t generally read books recommended by addleheaded terrorist has-beens. I do look forward, however, to reading the Michael Moore and Al Franken reviews after they pounce on it with that particular relish they reserve for anything that makes America look bad.
Osama must have been feeling very erudite this time around because in addition to his book recommendation, he also provided a history lesson for us: “We have been tolerant for 10 years in fighting the Soviet Union with our few weapons and we managed to drain their economy. They became history, with God’s help. You should learn lessons from that.”
Funny how a guy who is so on the wrong side of history would deign to lecture the side that is light years ahead of him. I guess if you can convince yourself that the creator of the infinite universe is pleased by the mass murder of infidels on this dust speck of a planet, it’s a breeze convincing yourself that you and your ragtag band of mujahideen single-handedly brought down the Soviet empire.
But the interpretation of history is not bin Laden‘s strong suit. The actual reason the Soviets were defeated in Afghanistan was because the United States backed the mujahideen’s guerilla war against them. And the reason the Soviet economy was drained was because it was to begin with a typical basket-case, communist type of economy, which is to say, cumbersome, listless, phlegmatic, turgid, unresponsive and ultimately unsustainable since it was utterly without individual incentive for excellence.
Rip Van Laden apparently doesn’t get that it’s going to be a lot harder for him and his band of unmerry men to bring down the most dynamic economy the world has ever known. He and al-Qaida are fond of bringing up the specter of Vietnam in their threatening, anti-American rhetoric, but here’s a lesson for them. While America fought that unsuccessful war for over a decade, rather than folding like the Soviet empire, it put a man on the moon and achieved the greatest level of affluence in the history of the world. That’s not to say America is invulnerable, but it is to say that his Soviet history lesson is sheer buncombe.
So much for the amusing stuff. The real message to take away from Osama’s tape, and a great indication of his increasing irrelevance, was his offer of a truce: “We do not object to a long-term truce with you on the basis of fair conditions that we respect . . . . In this truce, both parties will enjoy security and stability and we will build Iraq and Afghanistan . . .”
You’re going to build Iraq and Afghanistan? There’s a laugh. What would you build them into, the world’s most backward and oppressive Islamic theocracies? Stop it already, you’re slaying me.
But seriously, Osama, it’s too late for a truce. September 11th was a bridge too far for you and your apocalyptic pals. Your fate was sealed on that day. The official Bush administration response to your magnanimous truce offer was that the United States “does not negotiate with terrorists.” Therefore, the game plan for our side remains the same: to hunt down, kill and/or capture you and your cohorts.
So, Osama is back with another message, but he’s sounding more desperate than the housewives on Wisteria Lane. You don’t offer a truce to the Great Satan unless the jihad business is seriously ailing. Maybe it’s the knowledge that his top honchos are being slowly decimated. Or maybe it’s watching Iraqis go to the polls time after time, even at the threat of their lives.
Sure, he’s still blathering about big-shot attacks on the U.S. that are “under preparation,” but he’s not the Osama of yore, the Arabian lion that was going to establish a vast and glorious caliphate upon which the sun would never set. Instead, he’s Rip Van Laden, the man who slept through a thousand years of human progress, and the sun is slowly setting on his twisted, dead-end ideology.
Greg Strange provides conservative commentary with plenty of acerbic wit on the people, politics, events and absurdities of our time. See more at his website: http://www.greg-strange.com/
Alas, but we have once again been pestered by the news of another communiqué from that insufferable boor, Osama bin Laden. Amazing how he manages to get these tapes shipped off from the bowels of whatever cave he resides in to the offices of Al-Jazeera. As in the past, this latest tape contained another rambling, semi-coherent message from the man with the 10th century mentality. Call him Rip Van Laden, the man who slept through or otherwise somehow missed the passage of a millennium or so.
One wishes he could get his nostalgia fix from reading ancient books or swapping old tales with his compatriots around the cave fire instead of foisting his jihadist nonsense on a world that has left him so far behind that, figuratively speaking, he is mired in the cultural and intellectual equivalent of the primordial sludge. The good news is that with each succeeding message from him, one gets the sense that he’s just about washed up, having gone from being undisputed king of the terrorists to inconsequential, annoying gadfly who turns up on occasion like a bad dinar.
This time the tape was audio only, perhaps so we couldn’t see how unhealthy he almost certainly looks. Its contents are basically a poorly worded summation of the liberal Democratic antiwar talking points: Bush is the real terrorist; America is losing the war in Iraq; the morale of American soldiers is spiraling downward; jihadist recruits are increasing exponentially; atrocities are being committed at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo. He even threw in a line about Bush’s “stupid show-like announcement from an aircraft carrier on the end of the major operations.” It’s the same kind of stuff you can hear all day long on Air America -- that is, if you could find a radio station that broadcasts the program, which is only slightly less difficult than finding Osama himself.
But there were actually some things of interest on Osama’s tape this time around, some special surprises, like a book recommendation of all things (no, it wasn‘t the Koran): “If Bush declines but to continue lying and practicing injustice [against us], it is useful for you to read the book of ‘The Rogue State,’ the introduction of which reads: If I were a president, I would halt the operations against the United States.”
I have absolutely no idea what most of that sentence means, but somewhere in it the guy was giving his best Oprah-like book recommendation. It would have helped if he had given the author’s name since Amazon.com lists a slew of books with “Rogue State” in the title. I’ll go out on a limb and guess that the rogue state in question is none other than the United States, but it doesn’t really matter since I don’t generally read books recommended by addleheaded terrorist has-beens. I do look forward, however, to reading the Michael Moore and Al Franken reviews after they pounce on it with that particular relish they reserve for anything that makes America look bad.
Osama must have been feeling very erudite this time around because in addition to his book recommendation, he also provided a history lesson for us: “We have been tolerant for 10 years in fighting the Soviet Union with our few weapons and we managed to drain their economy. They became history, with God’s help. You should learn lessons from that.”
Funny how a guy who is so on the wrong side of history would deign to lecture the side that is light years ahead of him. I guess if you can convince yourself that the creator of the infinite universe is pleased by the mass murder of infidels on this dust speck of a planet, it’s a breeze convincing yourself that you and your ragtag band of mujahideen single-handedly brought down the Soviet empire.
But the interpretation of history is not bin Laden‘s strong suit. The actual reason the Soviets were defeated in Afghanistan was because the United States backed the mujahideen’s guerilla war against them. And the reason the Soviet economy was drained was because it was to begin with a typical basket-case, communist type of economy, which is to say, cumbersome, listless, phlegmatic, turgid, unresponsive and ultimately unsustainable since it was utterly without individual incentive for excellence.
Rip Van Laden apparently doesn’t get that it’s going to be a lot harder for him and his band of unmerry men to bring down the most dynamic economy the world has ever known. He and al-Qaida are fond of bringing up the specter of Vietnam in their threatening, anti-American rhetoric, but here’s a lesson for them. While America fought that unsuccessful war for over a decade, rather than folding like the Soviet empire, it put a man on the moon and achieved the greatest level of affluence in the history of the world. That’s not to say America is invulnerable, but it is to say that his Soviet history lesson is sheer buncombe.
So much for the amusing stuff. The real message to take away from Osama’s tape, and a great indication of his increasing irrelevance, was his offer of a truce: “We do not object to a long-term truce with you on the basis of fair conditions that we respect . . . . In this truce, both parties will enjoy security and stability and we will build Iraq and Afghanistan . . .”
You’re going to build Iraq and Afghanistan? There’s a laugh. What would you build them into, the world’s most backward and oppressive Islamic theocracies? Stop it already, you’re slaying me.
But seriously, Osama, it’s too late for a truce. September 11th was a bridge too far for you and your apocalyptic pals. Your fate was sealed on that day. The official Bush administration response to your magnanimous truce offer was that the United States “does not negotiate with terrorists.” Therefore, the game plan for our side remains the same: to hunt down, kill and/or capture you and your cohorts.
So, Osama is back with another message, but he’s sounding more desperate than the housewives on Wisteria Lane. You don’t offer a truce to the Great Satan unless the jihad business is seriously ailing. Maybe it’s the knowledge that his top honchos are being slowly decimated. Or maybe it’s watching Iraqis go to the polls time after time, even at the threat of their lives.
Sure, he’s still blathering about big-shot attacks on the U.S. that are “under preparation,” but he’s not the Osama of yore, the Arabian lion that was going to establish a vast and glorious caliphate upon which the sun would never set. Instead, he’s Rip Van Laden, the man who slept through a thousand years of human progress, and the sun is slowly setting on his twisted, dead-end ideology.
Greg Strange provides conservative commentary with plenty of acerbic wit on the people, politics, events and absurdities of our time. See more at his website: http://www.greg-strange.com/
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