Ten Myths About Men

Ten Myths About Men

An ego is a terrible thing to waste.

NY Times columnist More Endowed (you know who I mean) once argued–and I am not making this up--that women are better than men because men think they’re better than women.

Psychologists call this type of argument projection–what you see in others is actually in you.

(And what is psychology? Why, the study of the id by the odd.)

A good definition of feminism is that it’s one big, collective ego trip for women, an endless stream of consciousness spewing forth the notion that women are inherently better than men. It’s what More Endowed and every feminist believes: A woman who thinks she’s better than a man is simply telling the truth. A man who thinks he’s better than a woman is on an ego trip.

Yes, men have egos. But who has the bigger ego? The man who admits he has an ego or the woman who denies she has an ego?

Women gain power by pretending not to have power (or egos). Chivalrous males, fools that we are, fall for this pretense again and again, like Charlie Brown believing Lucy really is going to hold that football.

So here are ten myths about men debunked.

Men are inconsiderate because they don’t put the toilet seat down. It would be inconsiderate for men to leave the toilet seat down and pee on it. Sure, men sometimes forget to put the toilet seat down–just as women sometimes forget to check to see if it’s up. Men believe other people, including women, deserve respect as competent adults who can take care of themselves. Women do their best to convince men otherwise. If women can’t handle a toilet seat’s that up, what makes them think they can handle being Commander-in-Chief?

Men don’t ask for directions. Men do ask for directions, just not as often as women. Women assume there will be a gas station attendant to ask; men don’t. Women’s mode of navigation is dependent on someone else; men’s mode of navigation is independent of anyone else. It makes sense to ask for directions when traveling deep into the jungles of suburban America; it makes no sense when traveling deep into space. Men sent men to the moon and back because men came up with the precise navigational calculations and instrumentation needed to do so–not because the astronauts stopped and asked some UFO denizen for directions. In a recent commercial, a wife chides her husband for failing to use the navigational system in his new pickup–but which sex do you think dreamed up and designed and created that navigational system?

Men don’t express their emotions. Men do express their emotions, just not as much as women. Emotions do not need to be expressed constantly; they get in the way of important things, like math, science, and deer hunting. Too often, women “express” their emotions to manipulate men. Think Scarlet O’Hara and Nancy Hopkins. Women use their emotions the way a warrior uses his sword–as a source of power. Why do women do this? Because it works. Why does it work? Either because men are easily manipulated by women or men actually care about women–probably both.

Men start wars simply because they’re men. War is the use of violence by the state as a means to a political end, usually conquest or defense. One country commonly conquers another to gain something—land, oil, slave labor, tax revenues, religious converts. Countries defend themselves to prevent conquest. In my experience, committed military men are not macho testosterone junkies but men of high ideals who are willing to die for their ideals. Men traditionally carry out war for two reasons—they are better suited to the task and are considered more expendable by the state. Feminists blame war on men because war is “bad” and feminists like to blame everything bad on men. If the feminists really wanted to help prevent war, they would oppose the idea that men are expendable. Instead, certain feminists, such as Mary Daly, support the idea of limiting men to a certain percentage of the population—after all, men have no intrinsic value and we just need enough for breeding purposes. That is the kind of idea, when adopted by the state, that leads to war.

Men hog the remote. Women watch more TV in every time slot–that’s every time slot–than men. So how is it men are hogging the remote? Without women, Oprah would have to find a real job. And so would the women watching Oprah. Oprah has become rich because women financially supported by men can afford to stay home and watch her show.

Men routinely abandon their families. Balderdash. Men are routinely forced out of their families by wives and family court judges. Family court judges have the legal power to force a man to abandon his family by threatening him with jail or a restraining order. Women can summon that power any time they wish.

Men abuse their wives to show them who’s boss. Balderdash. Yes, about as many men abuse their wives as women abuse their husbands. But men are usually held accountable for their abuse; women are usually excused for their abuse. And using violence against a woman is sometimes necessary–when she comes at you with a knife, a gun, a pot of boiling water, or when she’s drowning her kids in the bathtub. Think Phil Hartman (killed by his wife in his sleep) or Andrea Yates (who drowned her five children in the bathtub).

Most child abuse is committed by fathers. Balderdash. Yes, fathers do abuse their children, just not as often as mothers. The most likely abuser of a child is the child’s mother, followed by her boyfriend or lover. Fathers come in third. The safest place for a child is in a home where biological mom is married to biological dad. The least safe place is in a home headed by a single mother, especially if she has a boyfriend and lives in a neighborhood of homes headed by other single mothers.

Men lack compassion. If men lacked compassion, women’s cries for compassion from men would fall on deaf ears. If a woman faces an unwanted pregnancy, women’s groups seek compassion for her–and not for the unborn child--so she can have an abortion. If a man can’t support his children–or the children some woman or judge decided were his–women’s groups demand he be put in jail. So which sex is more compassionate? Women complain that men don’t understand them, but assume they understand men. Most women understand men well enough to manipulate them–shed some tears and flash some tit and the average male judge will give her the house and the kids--but such tactics have little to do with compassion.

Men are stupid. This has got to be one of the “great lies” of all time. Men invented mathematics, science, engineering, art, and literature–most of civilization, in fact. Men also invented IQ tests–you know, the means we use to measure intelligence. Anyone who says men are stupid is, well, stupid.

And, finally, a caveat to men:

Last year, Harvard President Larry Summers learned the hard way what all men eventually learn--that if a man loses an argument with a woman, he loses an argument. But if he even gets close to winning the argument, there’s hell to pay.