Love Hurts

by Marc H. Rudov

Are you sitting on the proverbial “romantic sidelines” because you’re sick of relationships and want to avoid the pain of yet another breakup? You are not alone. You are surrounded by legions from the heartbreak club. When it comes to love, people seem so vulnerable and afraid—as if the heart is the weakest muscle in the human body.

Actually, you are alone and will remain so, as long as you won’t get back in the game to find a new paramour. You keep telling yourself that you’d rather be alone than with the wrong person. Fair enough. But, how much TV can you watch? How many nights can you stare at the ceiling? How many events can you attend unaccompanied? At what point do you get sick of seeing your friends when you’d rather be canoodling a lover?

In the past month, a dozen of my acquaintances—men and women—told me they had ceased searching for new lovers, for reasons of exhaustion, frustration, and avoidance of future evisceration. Their tales of woe correlate with the e-mails I receive from around the world. Being a couple has lost the appeal it once had. People seem to value independence above all these days.

Sometimes love hurts, especially when it ends. But, all failures hurt. Certainly you’ve lost a job or seen your business tank. Did that stop you from trying again? No. But, somehow, a failed romance makes a lot of us throw in the towel for a long time. Why? It’s the fear of more heartbreak. We assume the same thing will happen again. Why repeat a bad experience, right? The question is, Did you learn anything from your mistakes—other than to wince at pain? If not, you will be doomed to repeat them, just as George Santayana predicted.

Fear of Flying

I assume that, at some point in your life, you flew a kite. You probably remember the times, especially on violently windy days, when you got the kite ten feet off the ground, only to see it rise quickly then unexpectedly turn upside-down and come crashing back to earth.

Commercial jets are as vulnerable to the vicissitudes of wind as that downed kite you tried to fly, with a lot more at stake—human lives. They face the danger known as wind shear—abrupt change in wind speed or direction during takeoff and landing. Wind shear is the leading cause of airline fatalities.

Yet, we still fly, don’t we? Has any airline terminated its business because of potential wind shear? Do you know anyone who has stopped flying because he fears wind shear? Seeing an airplane on TV, in a smoldering heap of twisted metal on a tarmac, is painful. Yet, life goes on. Because all aircraft and airports are equipped with windshear-detection systems, pilots are now pretty skillful at identifying, steering around, and flying past danger zones. In essence, the airline industry is forewarned from the pain of the past and is forearmed to prevent or minimize calamity today and in the future. What a concept!

Let Pain Be Your Guidepost

You can likewise equip yourself with an early-warning, pain-detection system. Why should you stop “flying” through life because of pain from your past? Do you want to live a life of avoidance or one of mobility? Sounds like an easy choice. Unfortunately, after a string of failures in love, most people choose avoidance.

So, how can we choose mobility? Transform your definition of pain from a force of fear that freezes you to one of knowledge that guides and moves you ahead. Most people view PAIN as: Past Anguish Inhibiting Now, meaning that pain is heavy baggage from the past that stops life today. Stinking thinking.

Instead, view PAIN^TM as: Past Anguish Informing Now. Like business, love is an obstacle course. Accept it. Learn to identify, steer around, and fly past the danger zones—undesirable situations and people. Always be picky, choose wisely, and move forward. Enjoy romance. Never demand anything you can’t deliver. Being alone is safe, yes, but so damned unfulfilling. Now, take off!

About the Author

Marc H. Rudov is an investment banker and business consultant residing in Silicon Valley, CA. He is the author of the book The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth^TM (ISBN 0974501719) and 15 articles:

• “Five Myths About Women”
  


• “Romance Lessons from Tsunami Animals”


• “The Golden Rule Dictates Your Sex Life”


• “Why Men Dread Valentine’s Day”


• “How Every Man Can Land His Dream Woman”


• “Cellular Compatibility & Great Sex”


• “Can Men and Women Really Get Along?”


• “Why Men Avoid Commitment”


• “Did Your Make Your New Year’s Revolution?”


• “Will She Call 911 on You?”


• “Will Women Halt the Death of Marriage?”


• “BreakUp Means BreakUp!


• “Love Hurts”


• “The Power of Aural Sex”


• “If Women Were Happy

Rudov’s book, articles, blog, and podcasts are available at www.TheNoNonsenseMan.com. Copyright © 2006 by Marc H. Rudov. All rights reserved.