The Power of Aural Sex

By Marc H. Rudov

Canine Lingus

It’s a time-honored belief that the dog is man’s best friend. Yes, a dog will fetch your slippers, scare an intruder, and help you hunt … if that’s your sport. But, a dog also will sap your wallet from the food, grooming, toys, and kennel services you must purchase. Fido will require frequent walking, shed fur on your sofa, pee on your carpet, bark when you’re not home, and bite the mailman. Given the 65 million dogs in the USA, though—one canine for every 4.5 humans—it’s clear that people tolerate much to have their faces licked.

Even if he doesn’t realize it, every man with a girlfriend or wife has a better friend than a dog: his woman’s clitoris, her clit. If a man likes the comfort of his dog loyally following him around, breathing heavily with its tongue hanging out, he will love the effect he can have on his woman by taking command of her clit. A woman’s clit is her master switch; every woman dreams of the man who can toggle it. According to my lady friends, though, most men either don’t know the clit’s location or operation sequence, or they view it as an arcade game to be accessed and activated only by feeding it cash. How very sad.

Perpetuating the Myth

The other night, I caught part of Bill Engvall’s act on Comedy Central. He’s funny, but his bit about sexual frustration is the trite nonsense so typical of male comics. Engvall had the audience in stitches as he bemoaned both the apparent ability of women—sexual camels, he called them—to cruise through numerous sexless weeks and, because of this apparent ability, the scheming required to bed them. I figured the men in the audience were laughing because they identify with the plaintive comedian, and the women were laughing because they secretly know he’s full of it. Why do entertainers keep spewing this sexual fiction? Are they that lousy in bed? Enough already. Now I know why I see so many men driving trucks accompanied only by their dogs.

Often, when a guy goes out on a date with a woman, his friends will ask him, the next day, if he “got lucky” the night before. Lucky means that a woman is magnanimous enough to grant him the rare opportunity to “have his way” with her. Lucky? Any man who believes he is lucky to have sex with a woman knows nothing about women and their libidos. Nothing.

Probably the most-famous Seinfeld episode is “The Contest.” It’s about Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer competing to be the one who can abstain the longest from masturbation. In the opening scene, the foursome is at its familiar table in the coffee shop, where George admits that his mother had just caught him in a “self-pleasuring” session. Humiliated, he vows to his friends never to repeat such behavior, ever again.

Jerry doubts George’s oath of abstinence. So, George challenges Jerry to a duel of self-restraint. They wager $100. Kramer wants in, of course, as does Elaine. But, the three guys resist Elaine’s participation because of her unfair advantage: she’s a woman. Women, they claim, don’t have the same intense need as men to masturbate. George wants 2:1 odds from Elaine; Kramer demands $1000! Elaine offers $150, which the guys quickly accept.

This Seinfeld episode, which first aired in November 1992, broke all kinds of ground in sitcoms. It cleverly covered a taboo topic—masturbation—without ever mentioning the word. It was brilliantly written and acted, and is absolutely hilarious. There’s only one flaw in it: it’s based on a myth, a lie, about female lasciviousness—a myth that we have been socialized to believe.

The Reality

Our misconception about the female libido is at the root of all behavior between men and women. It makes men behave stupidly and waste lots of money, time, and energy to get laid. It allows women to manipulate men for presents and vacations. The reality is that women masturbate more frequently than men, and in more venues—the car, the office, the airplane, wherever they want. Women use vibrators. Let’s face it: Women are more sexual than men.

Andrew Dice Clay, a comedian quite popular in the ‘90s, once said that, if he could suck his own member, he never would leave the house. We haven’t heard much from him lately; so, maybe he’s achieved his objective. In a similar vein, I’ve always wondered whether being equipped with a woman’s sexual capabilities would keep me homebound, too. I mean, if I could come a few times per minute, like a woman, why would I ever want to play tennis or ride my bike? For this reason, I highly admire women who have achieved anything!

When I ask women why they use vibrators, they answer: “Using my hand takes too long.” Women aren’t only horny, they’re impatient and demanding! Shocking, isn’t it. It’s rare that I meet a vibratorless woman. Sex toys are big business, with annual purchases in the USA estimated at $500M. And, these sex toys are not for men—at least not the men in the Red states. Women just can’t live without their daily orgasms, and they freely divulge this to me.

Eva Longoria, a star of Desperate Housewives, claims to have crate-loads of sex toys stashed in her garage for dispensing as presents to her friends. She told the Daily Mirror: "…it is important for women to be in touch with their sexuality … they [sex toys] are the best present because a lot of women won't go buy one." In a recent interview with Rolling Stone magazine, she confessed that her best sex of the year was probably with her vibrator. She continued: “I give that [Rabbit vibrator] as a gift all the time to other girls for a birthday or the like. It's the best gift to give: an orgasm." Men certainly don’t behave this way.

Why are women so super-sexual? Simple: the clit and the multi-orgasm. They hate for men to know this; it counters everything men have been taught—because society has pressured girls to downplay, deny, and suppress their sexual cravings. At the end of the day, though, the clit has only one purpose: sexual arousal. A man has no body part 100% dedicated to sexual arousal. So, the combo of a dedicated sexual body part and the ability to achieve multiple orgasms makes the woman a human sex machine. Getting the picture, now?

Operating Her Master Switch

Earlier, I wrote that the typical man thinks the clit is coin-operated. He reflexively grabs his wallet in a woman’s presence, believing the wining-and-dining ritual will arouse her. It doesn’t. It can make her happy, like a princess, but it doesn’t turn her on. It’s amazing how many women have spent years with men, living in financial comfort, without ever being truly aroused.

A woman’s clit is voice-operated, not coin-operated. She likes aural sex—a man activating her master switch with his voice and words, especially over the phone. Now, this won’t sit well with men who try to seduce women with their financial assets. But, the reality is, skillful aural sex is true power.

The key is talking to her, honestly and candidly, as a peer—without promising to buy her something or take her somewhere. She will appreciate that and respect you for being much more than your wallet. If, however, she insists on being purchased, like a parcel of land, let someone else make a bid—you don’t want her. If you still want her, knowing this, you are your own enemy. Even in 2006, I still encounter educated women who are girls in adult bodies, forever needing daddies. I’ve learned to dismiss them with lightning speed.

Being natural works like a charm. It is the essence of the no-nonsense man. Trust me. Women tell me constantly that I am quite different from most men, and they like it. They are open with me, and I easily access, activate, and operate their master switches. Alas, to avoid compromising my personal life, I will not provide more detail. So, instead, I recommend, for review, that you read the “The Art of Seduction” chapter of my book, The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth.

A genuine woman will respond to a man’s natural behavior with openly expressed sexual attraction and desire—without expecting financial rewards. That’s how to confirm she genuinely wants you. So, now that you know the truth about her—that she wants sex more than you do—you have no more excuses for buying your way in. Once you get access to and activate her master switch, her clit, you’re almost home. You also must operate it effectively. When she follows you anywhere, tongue akimbo, you’ve arrived and acquired your new best friend. If, however, she always “needs her space” and her beauty sleep, you haven’t. Don’t give up, though. The journey is worth it. There are other women, too. Besides, if worst comes to worst, you always can buy a puppy.

About the Author

Marc H. Rudov is an investment banker and business consultant residing in Silicon Valley, CA. He is the author of the book The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth^TM (ISBN 0974501719) and 15 articles:

• “Five Myths About Women”
  


• “Romance Lessons from Tsunami Animals”


• “The Golden Rule Dictates Your Sex Life”


• “Why Men Dread Valentine’s Day”


• “How Every Man Can Land His Dream Woman”


• “Cellular Compatibility & Great Sex”


• “Can Men and Women Really Get Along?”


• “Why Men Avoid Commitment”


• “Did Your Make Your New Year’s Revolution?”


• “Will She Call 911 on You?”


• “Will Women Halt the Death of Marriage?”


• “BreakUp Means BreakUp!


• “Love Hurts”


• “The Power of Aural Sex”


• “If Women Were Happy

Rudov’s book, articles, blog, and podcasts are available at www.TheNoNonsenseMan.com. Copyright © 2006 by Marc H. Rudov. All rights reserved.