Time to get serious about child visitation

Time to get serious about child visitation
by KATHLEEN PARKER

Excerpts:

Bitter parents who try to block their formerly beloved's access to the couple's child(ren) following divorce might think twice in New Hampshire, where a proposed bill aims to make life difficult for uncooperative custodial parents.

How difficult? By inviting the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) to investigate the offending parent for child abuse and neglect.

The idea behind such legislation is that children of divorce should continue to have access to both parents, assuming there's no reason to protect a child from one of his parents. While child visitation orders are taken seriously in theory, the legal process of enforcement is usually time-consuming, laborious and expensive. In practice, the failure to take them seriously leads to an ever-widening, and predictable, trajectory of distance between the child and visiting parent.

Bickford's bill (HB 1585) would make it easier for parents denied visitation to seek remedy, while promising grief for parents who don't cooperate.

First, the non-custodial parent would get an expedited court hearing rather than take a docket number and possibly wait three to four months. Next, if the judge determines that the custodial parent is blocking access for no legitimate reason, then the Department of Health and Human Services would be notified of a possible case of child abuse and neglect.

Common sense tells us what we seem to need studies to demonstrate — that children need two parents and manage divorce best when they have equal access to both.

While family courts are increasingly trying to ensure that children have that access by awarding joint or shared custody, emotionally distraught humans don't always follow directions.

Meanwhile, courts and the state historically have been more effective in enforcing child support than visitation such that we have entire bureaucracies built around support collection tied to federal incentives. For every dollar that states put up to collect child support monies, for example, the federal government matches with two dollars. Other incentive funds are also available to reward collections.

But the proposed bill is not without critics. As with any law related to personal relationships, this one could be tricky to enforce. Imagine a HHS social worker knocking on your door to ask why you didn't let Johnny see his daddy last weekend.

Such well-intentioned laws also could backfire. As one close observer put it in an e-mail exchange, "Getting (HHS) involved is usually the worst thing to do. They usually side with the 'Mom who is concerned about letting the kids go to their father' and, they (investigators) may decide that neither parent is fit. And take custody of the kid(s)."

Happy Or Not- The Holidays Are Here

Just wanted to take the time to say Happy Holidays to everyone! This can be a very difficult time of year for divorced parents. So here are my things to remember:

1. Generally, the states provide non custodial parents half of their child's time off for Winter Break. If you are like my parents who live in different states - one year my father has the first week of vacation (including Christmas Day) and then the kids fly out on the 26th to spend a week with my mother. The following year the reverse - my mother has the first week with Christmas Day and the kids fly home on the 26th. To that end, whichever parent does not have the children over Christmas Day gets to have them over Thanksgiving. So for example, this past Thanksgiving my mother flew my younger siblings to her home, next year they will stay home with my dad but fly out the first (or second) day of winter break.

If you are like my husband and your ex lives in the same town (or general area) regardless of what custody arrangement you have (unless restricted to supervised or something of that ilk) the law generally provides you split all holidays. This can mean a literal split - 12 hours with each on each holiday or it can be split each year. My husband and his ex wife are on a one week/one week schedule. Halloween almost always falls into his week while New Years Eve almost always falls into her week. Instead of switching half way through the day (especially since the "fun" parts of Halloween and New Years are at specific times) or trading off each year - they have just declared Halloween his and New Years Eve hers. This prevents a lot of scheduling conflicts, questions, etc as everyone is fully aware of the schedule. This would also be an example of "splitting" the holidays. However, this is possible because they agreed - if the court had been forced to decide a half day split would have likely been ordered on both days.

For Christmas, one year one parent has the child Christmas Eve and overnight until midday Christmas Day - the next year they switch. Again, it is easy and something they agreed to without court assistance.

I am just providing all of this so you realize splitting the holidays does not have to mean at 12:00 pm one party turns the children over to the other party. Try to work with each other and around the traditions of the other.

But most important - WORK IT OUT FAR IN ADVANCE OF THE HOLIDAYS! Something about the holidays seems to bring out raw emotions in everyone, particularly if this is your first after the divorce. Come to an agreement, put it in writing and have it filed - and then adhere to it! It will make it a lot easier on everyone - particularly your kids.

2. Your children did not want you to divorce. They ALSO do not want to see you continue to fight or degrade the other. It doesn't matter whose fault anything is - they love you both - RESPECT THAT. Children see themselves as half mom - half dad. If you make negative comments about mom or dad in front of them - they see themselves negatively. The holidays are for them - this is harder for them to understand and get over than it is for you - make every effort to make this a painless and enjoyable holiday for them no matter how lousy or angry you are feeling.

3. Someday this will end. I know it is hard to imagine a life in which your everyday is not colored by a "custody arrangement" - wondering if you got all the school paperwork, find homework, trying to balance who will purchase clothes (will you share a winter coat or each have your own?), who will schedule (and remember) dentist, doctor, tryouts... Is your support paid- why is the support late.... Whatever your daily issues may be - they will end.

My parents oldest and youngest child are 13 years apart. That definitely prolongs the experience - but even for them (I keep telling them) someday it will end.

Where will you be when it does? Do you really want to spend the next 1 -20 years constantly battling with someone else? Do you want to spend those years internalizing your bitterness? Even if that is what your ex chooses to do? Would that be a productive use of your time?

Eventually your child(ren) will reach the age of 21 or graduate college - generally when agreements disappear. At that point you will have an adult child who will still need/want to spend the holidays with someone - but there will be no more description of how they will be spent. A good previous relationship with your ex about the holidays will be conducive to a good subsequent relationship. Now you will just have the added stress of what your child(ren) and potentially their new family will be able to manage.

Make decisions with your children as your first factor to consider - but don't live for your children. In this I mean, (as an example) abstain from remarrying a new spouse until your children are out of the home, but don't abstain from dating or having a life outside of your children. Eventually your children will have their own lives. If you have spent the previous time obsessing over them and every punctuation mark in your custody decree - you will probably be in very bad shape when that decree ceases to exist and your children go off on their own.

If you are paying child support - and you believe it to be an inordinate amount - make sure you place your anger in the right place. Although it is unfortunate that your ex cannot see the benefit to having a financially sound co parent - the courts and the government dictate child support levels. Get mad at them if you need to be mad. Get mad at the broken system we call family law. Get involved in a group attempting to change that system. (But if you do this do not let it overtake you. Everything in moderation - don't forget to enjoy the blessings in your life - your kids). Regardless of your levels of child support, find a way to save. You may have to reduce your standard of living - but eventually you may find yourself needing to pay for college and you WILL want to retire. Don't let the courts prevent you from fulfilling the dreams you have - just change the manner in which you achieve those dreams and be realistic about what is attainable considering the current system you are under. I know this is all easy to say and I know that some of you have horrific stories where you are ordered to pay more than you actually make, plus your ex's attorney fees, etc... If you are in that kind of situation I encourage you to continue to petition the court for relief - try doing it pro se, there is help out there for people who want to represent themselves.

My mother is the type who lives through her children and sticking my father at every opportunity. She has had a series of failed marriages and relationships - something I attribute mainly to the extent of her anger at.... Everything - stemming from the courts mandating her to "share" the custody of her children with their father. She has spent thousands and thousands of dollars (requiring my father to spend the equivalent) battling over the most petty of issues in a courtroom. Now that she is the one paying support she withholds it at regular intervals. At the risk of delving too deep into this - I will say I am certain that when my youngest sister (now 16) is finally free of a court ordered custody arrangement, my mother will surely fall apart. She has no other focus in her life than to control us and her partners - who all quickly leave her after witnessing the depths of her anger - furthering her need to "punish" my father for this life he forced her into by impregnating her.

Ask yourself how you envision your life once your children have graduated college or gone out on their own - and then make the necessary choices to get there. While having children and an ex spouse may encompass your entire life today - you will likely have quite a number of years where this will not be the case. Don't forget to plan for this time too and don't let yourself become so bitter and directed that you don't know how to do anything except stew about how badly you got screwed.

4. I can't remember the exact verbiage - but I was told once by a mediator that in 18 years parents will make close to a half a million decisions about their children. This will be everything from what to eat for breakfast to what time to set curfew. Some decisions are more important than others. Ask yourself what you are arguing about in court? Is the money you are expending on your attorney, evaluator, etc... plus the tension you are breeding with your ex worth the decision of whether your ex feeds your child too many fish sticks? If you consider roughly 70 decisions are made a day, you could be in court for the rest of your life... is it worth it? Add up what you spend on your attorneys in a month and then figure out what that would be invested for the next 15 years - you might find you just wasted a year of college for your child...

To that end, cooperative parents try to identify the positives about the other and let slide some of their more lacking attributes. Come on, you married the person - you know that he/she is not such a great cook, terribly organized, timely, athletic, whatever.... Keep in mind that while at the others house the kids may eat more fish sticks but they will also have the advantage of accessing all of those wonderful things about your ex. And there are wonderful things - remember, you used to think so too! No one ever died from eating fish sticks!

Truthfully I have never heard of a case with fish sticks but I have heard about a couple who spent around $20,000 arguing about whether one fed the children too much macaroni. Seems pretty ridiculous, right? Ask yourself if any of your issues are equally ridiculous.

5. Finally, whatever scenario you have with your ex, remember this - YOU WILL NEVER GET THIS DAY BACK WITH YOUR CHILDREN. There will never be another Christmas 2005. So whether you see your kids for a day a month or half the month - TAKE ADVANTAGE. There will come a day when your children get to decide for themselves where they go - and they will remember if you spent the past years degrading their other parent, being mad about the arrangement - or if you cherished every second you had with them. And those decision's will come back to you once the court can no longer control your family. Make the right ones!!

Make this holiday as wonderful as you can - don't dwell on what your don't have - focus on what you do...

Fathers Collaborative - Pennsylvania

In relation to the previous post, I thought I would add a bit more info on the Fathers Collaborative.

The web site for the Fathers Collaborative can be accessed here. From the site:

The Fathers Collaborative is a synergistic partnership that builds on the strengths of each collaborative member to provide a seamless system of quality services for non-custodial fathers. The Fathers Collaborative is committed to expanding cooperative and reciprocal relationships to reach its goals.

Goals

Create a unified system of coordinated services for non-custodial fathers to enhance their involvement with their children; Increase non-custodial fathers' capacity to fulfill financial responsibilities, including child support payments; Improve the non-custodial fathers' ability to function as a family member; Increase the number of visits of non-custodial fathers with their children

The contact information as well as various other information is available on the site. It appears there is relatively specific criteria for involvement.

The Fathers Collaborative is part of the University of Pittsburgh Office of Child Development.

Information on the Fathers Collaborative Fatherhood Training Institute.

Virtual visits are eyed for child-custody cases - Wisconsin

Wisconsin State Journal

I have previously discussed my disgust with virtual visitation here.

Excerpts:

Gough prompted state Sen. Cathy Stepp, R-Sturtevant, and state Rep. Robin Vos, R-Racine, to introduce bills in each house of the Wisconsin Legislature. The bills state that if a court grants periods of physical placement to both parents, the court may grant a parent a "reasonable amount of electronic communication at reasonable hours during the other parent's period of placement with the child . . ."

Some fathers' rights groups have objected to Gough's efforts because their members don't want judges using technology as an excuse to replace physical visitation or placement time.

But Wisconsin's proposal has gained support because it includes language that would prevent a judge from replacing physical visitation time with virtual visitation, said Tom Pfeiffer of Verona, who serves on the board of Wisconsin Fathers for Children and Families.

More importantly, the Wisconsin bill is written so a judge can't use technology to justify a "move-away" with the child by the custodial parent, Pfeiffer said.

Custodial parents might object to virtual visitation because it could be viewed as too expensive or detracting from time spent with the custodial parent, Gunn said. But those are issues the court can address as it considers many other factors, Gunn said.

Assembly Bill 531 and Senate Bill 244 could be scheduled for public hearings in August or September.

Fathers Rally for Equal Parenting Rights- Wisconsin

NBC15 Fathers Rally for Equal Parenting Rights

Excerpts:

Madison: David Lewis enjoys every minute he gets to spend with his 3 year old daughter Juliana. Of course, he doesn't get all that many minutes each week.

He went to court after he was originally awarded only 7 hours of visitation each week. "The court ended up giving me 34 hours a week to see my daughter. But yet I'm a licensed foster father and I can care for other people's children, 2-4 year old girls on a full time basis."

"If we're going to expect fathers to be good role models and to be a positive influence on their children they have to have access to their children. To be there every other weekend just isn't sufficient," says WFCF Chair Brian King.

"All we're asking for is equal time with our kids," agrees David.

While changing the court's age old view of women as better parents may take time, some changes are moving faster.

Juliana's mom used to live 10 miles away from David. "Then she moved with her boyfriend approximately 80 miles so now I drive about 300 miles a week on average to see my daughter."

State law allows a parent with primary custody to move up to 150 miles away without even informing the other parent.

Assembly bill 400 would change that. "The assumption has been made that whatever's good for the primary parent is good for the child. What we're with this bill is questioning that," says bill author Rep. Steve Kestell (R-Elkhart Lake).

Representative Kestell's bill would change the boundary limit to just 20 miles or inside a school district. If a parent wants to move farther, they either need the permission of the other parent, or the approval of a judge.

Bill would outlaw blocking visitation - Alabama

montgomeryadvertiser.com

Excerpts:

Alabama parents who interfere with court visitation orders in child custody cases could face jail time.

The Alabama Legislature is considering making it a crime to willfully obstruct child visitation. Members of the House Judiciary Committee will meet this week to take up House Bill 683, a proposal that would make interference a Class "C" felony.

"I've gotten so many complaints through the years about the custodial parent being uncooperative with the noncustodial parent," said bill sponsor Rep. Steve McMillan, R-Gulf Shores. "When the noncustodial parent is supposed to see their children on Saturday morning, we want to make sure that they do see their children on Saturday morning.

Also on Wednesday, members of the House Judiciary Committee will consider another McMillan-sponsored bill, House Bill 650, a measure creating a shared parenting arrangement for divorcing and separating parents.

Currently, courts may order some form of joint custody without the consent of both parents. McMillan's proposal would ask for mutual formal consent.

Parents would be required to develop a comprehensive parenting plan to address such issues as the child's education, day care, health insurance and visitation, McMillan said. Either parent could submit the outline or they could present a joint plan.

"Ideally, it would be best if they could sit down and discuss it and work it out," he said.

DenverPost.com - Al Knight Custody laws revisited

DenverPost.com - Al Knight

I'm trying to post this using the BlogThis! button - so we'll see how it goes...


Voters last year in many areas of Massachusetts voted overwhelmingly in favor of a terse little ballot measure that endorsed "shared physical and legal custody" for divorcing parents.

Not surprisingly, there are now those in Colorado who would like to see a similar measure put on the state ballot next year.

The subjects of child custody, visitation and parenting time are not new to this state. There were two recent unsuccessful attempts to pass a law creating the "presumption" that divorcing parents in Colorado, absent proof of unfitness, should be granted shared parenting time.

These efforts failed largely because of claims that the new, shared-parenting arrangements would increase court costs. The sponsors insisted the changes would cut costs, but given tight state budgets under consideration at the time, the fear of higher court costs was enough to kill the bills.

The drive for legislation to level the playing field in family courts is by no means limited to Massachusetts and Colorado. A number of states have dealt with the issue. Often, the same familiar facts have been cited. Nationally, women in the vast majority of divorces get custody of the children. In a typical case, the non-custodial parent will see the children a couple of weekends a month, an arrangement that makes the father little more than a footnote in the lives of his children.

Dr. Steven W. Newell of Littleton, who was active in the earlier legislative battles, would like to try changing the parental landscape through the initiative process. He and others took a proposal to the Legislative Council last month which features a non-binding ballot measure patterned on the Massachusetts model.

Slightly modified, the Colorado measure reads:

"Shall the State Representative from this district be instructed to vote in favor of legislation requiring that in all separation and divorce proceedings involving minor children, the courts shall uphold the fundamental rights of both parents to shared physical and legal custody (shared parenting) of their children and the children's right to maximize their time with each parent, so far as is practical, unless one parent is found unfit or the parents agree otherwise, subject to the requirements of existing child support and abuse prevention laws?"

The Colorado Legislative Council apparently assumed that the sponsors of the measure were really interested in something that would have legal force and effect and so the staffers drew up a six-page measure that would actually rewrite the divorce laws in Colorado.

Newell rejects this approach, reasoning that such a measure would be so complicated that even he could not support it. He also suggests such a campaign would galvanize the large number of people who make their living off the current, lopsided system. What he proposes instead is an advisory measure that would give the voters of Colorado their first real opportunity to be heard on an important issue that has already affected many of them personally. The hope would be that, given a favorable vote, legislation could follow.

Newell has pointed out that for every divorcing couple with young children, there are a couple of sets of grandparents whose access to their grandchildren has been affected. Because there are about 40,000 divorces in the state each year, he says, and 25,000 of them involve children, there are a couple hundred thousand voters who have had very recent experience with the family court system.

Whatever the quality of this experience, the affected parents are bound to have an interest in a ballot measure on the value of shared parenting.

Opponents of the Massachusetts measure last year sounded very familiar themes, including the claim that "shared parenting" is nothing more than a smokescreen for divorcing fathers who want to avoid paying child support. Still, the measure was favored by 85 percent, indicating that many voters think that the family court system could easily be improved to the benefit of children.

Who knows? Maybe something like that could happen in Colorado. In this state, unlike Massachusetts and some others, the ballot hasn't heretofore been used for advisory measures. But if there is a way to adapt the Colorado procedures to the task, it's hard to think of a topic more deserving of public attention.

Al Knight of Fairplay (alknight@mindspring.com) is a former member of The Post's editorial-page staff. His columns appear on Wednesday.

Michigan Grandparent Visitation

A new law in Michigan (effective immediately) provides the opportunity to seek grandparenting time if:

the grandchilds parents are divorced, or are in the process of divorce, separation, or annulment.

the grandchilds parent is deceased and is the son/daughter of the grandparent.

the grandchilds parents have never been married, are not cohabitating, and the fathers paternity has been established.

the child is placed outside the home or legal custody of the child has been given to someone other than a parent (unless the child was adopted by someone other than a stepparent).

within the year prior to seeking grandparenting time, the grandparent provided an established custodial environment for the grandchild.

This law does provide for the parents of an unwed father to have access to visitation. However, I still find it ironic that with the difficulties fathers have in getting and enforcing visitation, laws are being written to protect grandparents. Also, shouldn't the divorce and the parents schedules with the child be hammered out BEFORE we let the grandparents petition for their visitation?

WNDU

Co-parenting: A good divorce is worth the effort

Co-parenting: A good divorce is worth the effort from the Times Mail, Bedford Indiana.

By CAROL JOHNSON, Times-Mail Staff Writer

"They (the children) understand that just because we didn't get along, it wasn't their fault. They are so important to us, we're willing to put aside our feelings for their behalf." - Gina Sullivan

Divorce may end the marriage, but if children are involved, the relationship between former spouses never really ends.

Weekend visits, holidays, summer vacations medical bills and school events are on the short list of issues that come up for discussion between former spouses who share children. Vickie and Kevin Moon's marriage ended seven years ago. They were married 14 years and have two children, 12 and 11."When we divorced, we knew we wanted the kids to know we get along," said Vickie of Paoli.

It was hard in the beginning. But both were committed to getting along and avoiding petty disagreements. Kevin remarried and Vickie is in a relationship."We talk every day or every other day. If not with him, then I talk with his wife about what the kids are doing," she said. When the kids have sporting events, Vickie often joins Kevin and his wife Doris on the sidelines. Vickie and Kevin attend parent-teacher conferences together."Teachers always say, if every parent would put their differences aside like you have, it would be easier on them," Vickie said.

Visitation is shared equally. A schedule allows each parent to spend time with the children and avoid any work conflicts. Discipline, another potential pitfall, is shared."We honor each other's discipline and respect each other enough we don't say, 'That's your problem, not mine,' " Vickie said.

"It takes a tremendous amount of strength and psychological energy to have what we'd call a 'good' divorce," said Robert Billingham, an associate professor in Indiana University Bloomington's Department of Applied Health science. Billingham has been studying divorce and its aftermath since 1986. As divorce has become commonplace, divorces have become more cordial, he said.

Research since the 1990s has shown that children benefit immensely from good relationships with both parents. Courts are beginning to realize they must protect the children's relationships with their parents if they want to protect the children, he said. More and more courts are moving away from awarding custody to one parent and adopting co-parenting plans. The old system of sole custody fed the anger that was at the heart of the divorce, Billingham said."When you look at divorce, one parent gets the child and the other gets visits, it's structured so parents have to fight each other," he said.

Divorce, in its previous form, discouraged good parenting, Billingham said."Number one, one parent became a visiting parent. Two, only one parent knew what was best. And three, was the idea that one parent had supreme authority over the child's life."In that culture the mom was considered supremely important and the father was irrelevant."Co-parenting puts each parent on a level plane and sets them up to cooperate.

Indiana is moving toward co-parenting, Billingham said, in cases where abuse and violence are not factors. Vickie Moon said the effort they have put into a cordial divorce has paid off for everyone."I get along great with their stepmom," she said. "She's really a good stepmother, helps them with homework, whatever they need."

Kenny and Gina Sullivan of Greene County each had one divorce behind them when they married. Both had children from their first marriages. His are grown; hers are still at home. They have one son together. Gina's sons, now 13 and 9, struggled with the divorce in the beginning and the mixed emotions that arise when a step-parent joins the family.

She's had to reassure them it's OK to enjoy their time with Kenny and still love their dad."I've told them, 'He's not trying to take your dad's place. Your dad will always be your dad,' "she said. "It's always important to let kids know they can love their parent and be close to their step-parent."

Children are better able to love parents and step-parents if they are not pressured to choose one over the other, Billingham said. Making the children choose usually backfires."It's not the divorce that causes bad things to happen, it's the relationship kids live in that we find is so detrimental," he said. Holidays can be a flashpoint even for divorced families that get along the rest of the year. Billingham recommends working out holiday visits ahead of time, but also encourages parents to be flexible when necessary.

That's what the Sullivans do."It's not worth a huge argument," Gina said. "Because they live with me so much of the time, I let him have them on any holiday he wants them. We're not so stuck on things that if something comes up, the other won't bend."

The Sullivans have put their divorce and experience as a blended family to work for others. They lead the Divorce Care group at Crossroads Community Church."I've been there and know how it hurts," Kenny said. "We can relate to people who come through our class."Divorce Care covers several topics, including loneliness, financial issues, fear, rejection issues and avoiding putting children in the middle of disputes.

You don't have to like an ex-spouse to get along with him or her, Billingham said. But how well ex-spouses do get along is critical to children surviving divorce."It's made a world of difference," Gina said. "They understand that just because we didn't get along, it wasn't their fault. They are so important to us, we're willing to put aside our feelings for their behalf."

Times-Mail Staff Writer Carol Johnson can be reached at 277-7252 or at carol@tmnews.com.

Divorce Care What: 13-week course for adults who are divorced or going through a divorce. When: Tuesday nights, 7-9 p.m. Where: Crossroads Community Church, Ind. 37 and Trogden Lane. Information: Call 279-0131 to find out when the next session begins.

Grandparent Visitation

Sorry I have been so lax posting this week, I have been extremely busy and continue to be so probably the next couple posts will just be news.

In Pennsylvania a set of maternal grandparents have sued the father (and custodial parent) of their three grandchildren. Apparently the mother is living out of state and has or is having issues with drug addiction. The grandparents are suing to either have access to the children from 10a to 8p on Sat or 11a to 8p on Sunday - EVERY WEEKEND!! The father maintains that the weekend is his primary time to share with his children as he works during the week.

In my opinion, an entire day every weekend is asking quite a bit. Not just because the father will lose out on this time, it will surely put a lot of stain on the children's extracurricular activities, athletics and play time with friends if they are court ordered to spend an entire weekend day with their Grandparents each weekend.

However, it does seem as though a compromise could be made. If I was the father I would propose 4 hours or so every other Sunday, or something like that. Maybe time after school a day a week... I don't know but it seems like there is room for some type of happy medium here.

Read the article at the Times Leader.

Grandparents in Hawaii

A judge has declared unconstitutional the Hawaiian law of allowing grandparents to petition for visitation. Honolulu Advertiser

Virtual Visitation

I find the idea that you can maintain meaningful contact with you children through the computer completely abhorrent. Besides potential technical difficulties and scheduling problems, just the idea of forcing kids to spend an hour on the computer twice a week to pacify dad, seems to me a clear route to children loathing this time. Kids don't really have extended attention spans, inevitably friends will stop by or call during this time, a special tv program will be on, school events, athletics or various other extra curriculars with conflict... I cannot even imagine the implications. Any judge who makes this type of order should be relegated to "virtual visitation" with their own children, save one or two weekends a month. Various articles on the topic:
Glenn Sacks
NCSOnline (This is a PDF, you will need Adobe reader)
People's Law
Stark & Stark
Salt Lake Tribune
Washington Post
The more I read about this, the more disturbed I become. The natural question I have is if mother's (generally) are so insistent that "virtual visitation" is a suitable substitute for regular contact, why don't they offer to be the "virtual" parent!? It seems such a transparent request, they would obviously not want that scenario for themselves so why is it acceptable for the other parent? Parents trying to move are simply looking for any reason they can provide that will allay the moral nagging the judge may feel about letting one parent effectively take away another parent's child. What in God's name is going on here? I can't believe this is the "best court system in the world." What a joke, I have never seen such flagrant and obvious discrimination against both non-custodial parents and children all over the country. The children may not understand the effect these decisions will have on them when they occur, but as noted in countless studies, children rarely forget or cease feeling emotional pain about their parent's divorce. The only way to alleviate most of their concerns is for the two parents to stay close, not only geographically, but in their parenting styles and goals as well. Even then children will likely always feel disappointed that their parents divorced, but at least they feel overwhelming love from each parent. I feel that parents give up their rights to their children and their children have every right and desperately need to remain close to both parents. This whole thing just makes me want to scream and then drive to Washington DC and shake sense into each and every member of Congress. If only if we that simple...