A New Low in Greeting Cards
I thought greeting cards had reached an all-time low with misandrist cards with greetings such as "If men are God’s gift to women, then God must really love gag gifts." I was wrong. Now there is the Secret Lover Collection of 24 cards. According to Stephen Kiehl’s Baltimore Sun article, "Adulterer’s need cards too," the line’s creator, Cathy Gallagher stated, "It’s all about forbidden love. Look at how many people on soap operas are having affairs. That’s real."
People do commit adultery, but soap operas aren’t real. Soap operas, movies, plays, etc. are fantasy and are sold as such. If soap operas are an accurate depiction of reality, how come the characters seem wealthy, yet are rarely depicted working?
Gallagher refers to adultery as "forbidden love." Not wrong, not immoral, simply forbidden. That seems to equate "Thou shalt not commit adultery" with "Keep off the grass" or "No parking beyond this point." Gallagher’s statement and the cards themselves imply that adultery "isn’t that bad."
In Kiehl’s article, Gallagher said she believes 50% of married people have had affairs. She said, "I’m not making a choice for them. People make choices. And by the time they buy this greeting card, they’re already involved deeply in the affair…This is an entrepreneurial venture. And this is an untapped market. That’s the bottom line." It seems best to leave that market untapped. Gallagher’s "entrepreneurial venture" capitalizes on peoples’ misery. It is true that medicine, psychiatry and other professions profit from peoples’ misery, but those professions attempt to alleviate problems rather than encourage their creation.
The mere existence of the Secret Lover Collection gives tacit approval and implied normalcy to having affairs. Gallagher justifies this by saying "I’m not making a choice for them." However, it seems that implied, tacit approval encourages immorality. Sinful behavior should not be encouraged on the basis that people do it anyway.
Having an affair is a choice: The wrong one. Adultery always leads to pain. Adulterers’ spouses and children are inevitably hurt by affairs. Frequently, the adulterers are hurt by their own actions. Some unscrupulous individuals have affairs without remorse: Serial adulterers who are proud of their lists of conquests; those from the "if it feels good, do it" school of thought; the "ends justify the means" types who will have an affair for a promotion or other gain; and those who blame their spouses for their own misconduct. However, I suspect most adulterers start their affairs as a misguided way to alleviate their problems only to make things worse. Chances are that during and after the affair, these adulterers are filled with shame, guilt, remorse and self-loathing. For some that serves as a "wake-up call" to end the affair, change their behavior and lead moral lives. Some couples say their marriages became stronger after an affair forced them to seek counseling and/or resolve long standing issues. Yet, in most cases, adultery leads to broken marriages and broken homes – divorce hearings and custody battles.
Gallagher absolves herself of responsibility by stating, "It’s not like people will see these greeting cards and say ‘I’m going to go out and have an affair!’" A greeting card won’t inspire anyone to commit adultery, but those already considering it may see the presence of the cards as societal acceptance of affairs. The last thing those who are struggling with their morals and consciences need is the impression that adultery is "no big deal" and "everyone is doing it."
Those already having affairs need real help which may include marriage counseling, individual counseling, treatment of problems such as depression or substance abuse and/or a return to their values and religion. Such interventions may enable them to stop the adultery and repair their lives and their families’ lives. What they don’t need are greeting cards that encourage continuation of the adultery.
Gallagher’s collection includes a breakup card that reads, "I can’t go on like this anymore…I guess our timing wasn’t right." It would be better if it said, "We are violating God’s law and our marriage vows. My conscience can no longer allow that." Gallagher’s website has received 60,000 hits since she started it in May and she is filling orders for retailers nationwide. The popularity of her greeting card line is a sad testimony to the state of marriage in the US.
Copyright Eva Ellsworth, 07/17/05, all rights reserved
People do commit adultery, but soap operas aren’t real. Soap operas, movies, plays, etc. are fantasy and are sold as such. If soap operas are an accurate depiction of reality, how come the characters seem wealthy, yet are rarely depicted working?
Gallagher refers to adultery as "forbidden love." Not wrong, not immoral, simply forbidden. That seems to equate "Thou shalt not commit adultery" with "Keep off the grass" or "No parking beyond this point." Gallagher’s statement and the cards themselves imply that adultery "isn’t that bad."
In Kiehl’s article, Gallagher said she believes 50% of married people have had affairs. She said, "I’m not making a choice for them. People make choices. And by the time they buy this greeting card, they’re already involved deeply in the affair…This is an entrepreneurial venture. And this is an untapped market. That’s the bottom line." It seems best to leave that market untapped. Gallagher’s "entrepreneurial venture" capitalizes on peoples’ misery. It is true that medicine, psychiatry and other professions profit from peoples’ misery, but those professions attempt to alleviate problems rather than encourage their creation.
The mere existence of the Secret Lover Collection gives tacit approval and implied normalcy to having affairs. Gallagher justifies this by saying "I’m not making a choice for them." However, it seems that implied, tacit approval encourages immorality. Sinful behavior should not be encouraged on the basis that people do it anyway.
Having an affair is a choice: The wrong one. Adultery always leads to pain. Adulterers’ spouses and children are inevitably hurt by affairs. Frequently, the adulterers are hurt by their own actions. Some unscrupulous individuals have affairs without remorse: Serial adulterers who are proud of their lists of conquests; those from the "if it feels good, do it" school of thought; the "ends justify the means" types who will have an affair for a promotion or other gain; and those who blame their spouses for their own misconduct. However, I suspect most adulterers start their affairs as a misguided way to alleviate their problems only to make things worse. Chances are that during and after the affair, these adulterers are filled with shame, guilt, remorse and self-loathing. For some that serves as a "wake-up call" to end the affair, change their behavior and lead moral lives. Some couples say their marriages became stronger after an affair forced them to seek counseling and/or resolve long standing issues. Yet, in most cases, adultery leads to broken marriages and broken homes – divorce hearings and custody battles.
Gallagher absolves herself of responsibility by stating, "It’s not like people will see these greeting cards and say ‘I’m going to go out and have an affair!’" A greeting card won’t inspire anyone to commit adultery, but those already considering it may see the presence of the cards as societal acceptance of affairs. The last thing those who are struggling with their morals and consciences need is the impression that adultery is "no big deal" and "everyone is doing it."
Those already having affairs need real help which may include marriage counseling, individual counseling, treatment of problems such as depression or substance abuse and/or a return to their values and religion. Such interventions may enable them to stop the adultery and repair their lives and their families’ lives. What they don’t need are greeting cards that encourage continuation of the adultery.
Gallagher’s collection includes a breakup card that reads, "I can’t go on like this anymore…I guess our timing wasn’t right." It would be better if it said, "We are violating God’s law and our marriage vows. My conscience can no longer allow that." Gallagher’s website has received 60,000 hits since she started it in May and she is filling orders for retailers nationwide. The popularity of her greeting card line is a sad testimony to the state of marriage in the US.
Copyright Eva Ellsworth, 07/17/05, all rights reserved
10 Comments:
Gallagher’s collection includes a breakup card that reads, "I can’t go on like this anymore…I guess our timing wasn’t right." It would be better if it said, "We are violating God’s law and our marriage vows. My conscience can no longer allow that."
Would it not be still better, to include appropriate verses from the Koran? If you don't like the cards, lady, don't buy any. Beating people over the head with a Bible -- worse, advocating such beatings in place of basic American entrepreneurial, free-market capitalism -- is a completely Iranian "solution" to the problem, and its sheer hypocrisy is staggering. Oh, we'll just stifle anyone talking about it -- that'll make the problem go away.
And this has worked when?
The choice to have an affair is a choice to lose real love. Why not let those who choose to indulge in affairs with married people celebrate their choices?
How can the author say adultery is wrong when the vast majority of people involved in adulterous affairs are very satisfied with the results? I've never met anyone that is ashamed of adulterous behavior - quite the opposite; it is seen as a conquest or "score". I say print more cards, have Congress pass a bill creating an "Adulterers Day".
Baron Waste sounds more "Iranian" since he objects to the expression of opinions based on religious beliefs, (don't say anything, just "don't buy any"). The free enterprise system doesn't require people to approve of every product out there. I didn't see anything in the column about banning the greeting cards or boycotting stores that sell them. If Baron Waste thinks no one will talk about adultery if there wasn't a line of cheatin' greetin' cards, he must be unfamiliar with tv, popular fiction, self-help books, Dr. Laura, movies, tabloid journalism or advice columns. If Baron Waste feels he's been beaten over the head with a bible, maybe his conscience is bothering him.
Will Anonymous' friends still feel proud if their kids find out about their "scores"?
My wife and I thought the greeting card site was good jokes. Of course, I had to answer awkward questions about the google search term that I used to find the site.
Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about the morality. Adulterers probably want to forget that they are lying, cheating, scumbags. Hence the flowers, restaurants, chocolate etc of a normal adulterous relationship (I've heard about it on the internet, okay?)
Making it easier to embrace a person's inner sneak--gollum, if you will--seems like a doomed business model to me.
If one is part of the group that celebrates this sort of thing, why not embrace cards and flowers for the cheaters?
Remember, most people who are preaching against adultery have probably been involved in adulterous affairs. Otherwise, why the interest?
NO! NO! NO! I don't believe that most people who preach against adultery have been in adulterous affairs. I certainly have not,and I do 'preach', as you say, against it. Even with God out of the picture, adultery is wrong! It is betrayal, pure and simple. If you want someone else, don't have an affair. Have the backbone to tell your significant other that it's not working and that you must leave the relationship, then go on to pursue a life with someone else.
Right, cheaters greeting cards....when only the best will do for your slut or scumbag!
People are so judgmental -- the reasons for affairs are as diverse as the men and women involved in them. Why stay with someone if you are miserable? It is human nature to meet someone and fall in love and then move on. Sometimes you grow apart from your spouse.
Should you stay with them just because of a piece of paper stating that you belong together?
That is bs. People need to be able to grow and change. And, sometimes you meet the right person after you have already married the wrong person. I feel people just need to be happy. It is society that keeps people locked in this miserable box that they feel they can't escape. Be happy and be with the person that completes you and helps you grow.
Stop judging people for falling in love and changing and growing spiritually with the person they really should be with. I think these greeting cards rock and bring the real world into reality.
My husband has had three affairs. Each time my heart has been ripped out of my chest and trampled on. Even now, it's pretty bruised. If I saw these cards on sale next to the wedding anniversary cards or wherever I would feel very bad.
How about a line of cards for convicted murderers? Along the lines of "So sorry you got caught, hope things go better next time"?
If nothing else these cards are in the worst possible taste.
A side effect of an adulterous affair is almost always grief and sorrow. Families split up, children's lives in shambles, unanswerable questions, and often deep shame for the spouse or significant other cheated on.
I guess it's best to equate these cards with a line of "child abuse" cards. I mean child abuse is going to happen anyway, right? Why not give those apologetic parents a means to make amends.
"Wishing you the speediest of recoveries, and sorry I cracked your cheekbone, Cindy! Love, Mom."
I believe that those who are in affairs are weak individuals who cannot live without the safety net of their spouse. Any person seeking affection or attention to the point of an affair does not deserve the stability of marriage. Everyone knows that marriage takes work and that there will be difficult times. It is the strong that stay and work it out or make the difficult decision to end their relationship before pursuing another. To say that you met the "right" person while you are involved in a marriage is a bunch of bs. You should not be looking. Wedding vows imply that you respect the person you are marrying. Carrying on an affair is the lowest form of disrespect in a relationship. When it is uncovered, it should be the cheating slimebags and the homewreckers who are embarrassed. Many times, it is the wife/husband and children that are embarrassed. It is bad enough that some friends and family members accept this behavior, but to make cards that encourage it? I would rather see these cheaters get tattoos on their foreheads for all the world to know their poor decision.
Post a Comment
<< Home