Increase in Incivility
Nearly 70% of those queried in an AP-Ipsos poll think people are ruder now than they were 20 to 30 years ago. 91% of respondents cited aggressive driving as the most frequent incivility. Loud cell phone conversations in public were the second most often cited incivility. Other examples of discourtesy reported were swearing in public, overly casual dress and cutting ahead of others in lines.
Hollywood uses rudeness to get laughs in movies and TV programs. In many situation comedies, disrespectful one-liners rather than the situations are the source of comedy. TV shows and movies sometimes depict a man or woman attracting a member of the opposite sex by insulting him or her. The message is that rudeness is witty and may be rewarded. The news media encourages rudeness by giving free publicity to celebrities for uncivil behavior, some of which crosses the line into assault and/or battery. Proper behavior is sometimes denigrated: The Washington Post’s fashion columnist derided the appropriate attire that John Roberts family wore at his nomination as “old fashioned.”
Technology can also contribute to rudeness. The introduction of new technology brings new etiquette problems. Before cell phones were so inexpensive, public cell phone conversations did not take place. Therefore, so no one complained about them 30 years ago. When ATMs were new, the ATM etiquette complaint was that people would stand too close to the user, but people adapted. However, with some technologies such as cell phones and iPods, the user is often somewhat oblivious to his surroundings. Some cell phone users get so involved in their conversations that they tailgate or cut off other drivers. Some iPod listeners get so absorbed in the music that they will let doors slam in the faces of people behind them. Even using technology at home can dull social skills by reducing the amount of time spent interacting with family or friends. This doesn’t mean people should give up using their gadgets, but that they should be more aware of those around them. For example, if a person is having a cell phone conversation in public and everyone is looking at him, he is probably talking too loudly.
93% of the AP-Ipsos poll respondents believed parental failure to teach manners is the reason we have a less polite society than we did 20 to 30 years ago. That parallels the decline in the number of households with a stay at home parent. Busy parents often let the children watch TV or play video games so parental time can be spent on other chores. During that time family members are not interacting with each other. Another change brought on by busier lifestyles is that many families rarely dine together. Mealtimes were once a time when children were taught not only table manners, but also other manners such as saying “please” and “thank you” and refraining from interrupting the speech of other family members. Additionally, harried parents often give in to their children’s demands or ignore bad behavior because dealing with temper tantrums or admonishing misbehavior takes time.
Another thing that lead to increased rudeness was a change in parenting and education strategies around the 1970s when the idea that rules and discipline inhibit children’s creative and intellectual development came into vogue. Rather than creating more learned and artistic adults, providing a low discipline, unstructured environment and letting children “do their own thing” often led to the creation of spoiled brats.
While the self-esteem movement discourages bullying and critical comments, it does not use value judgements about an individual child’s behavior such as, “That was a mean thing to say.” Instead it uses collective, non-judgmental statements such as, “We don’t use that word here.” While the self-esteem movement addresses thoughts and statements that hurt others’ feelings, it fails to address other public behavior for fear of lowering the offender’s self esteem. Even when school systems try to maintain order and discipline, many parents challenge teachers, principals or school systems if their children are disciplined or receive low grades. These parents see such actions as either an attack on their child’s self-esteem or on their own. On the whole, the self-esteem movement makes individuals focus on their own wants and needs while ignoring those of others.
Independence and individualism are wonderful qualities, yet must be tempered by self-discipline and responsibility. In any society, individual actions affect others. When members of a society fail to take that into account, other members of that society call for legislation. Thomas Jefferson once said, “The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others.” Government power already extends far beyond that, so attempts to legislate etiquette won’t come as a shock.
Copyright Eva Ellsworth, 10/16/05, all rights reserved
Hollywood uses rudeness to get laughs in movies and TV programs. In many situation comedies, disrespectful one-liners rather than the situations are the source of comedy. TV shows and movies sometimes depict a man or woman attracting a member of the opposite sex by insulting him or her. The message is that rudeness is witty and may be rewarded. The news media encourages rudeness by giving free publicity to celebrities for uncivil behavior, some of which crosses the line into assault and/or battery. Proper behavior is sometimes denigrated: The Washington Post’s fashion columnist derided the appropriate attire that John Roberts family wore at his nomination as “old fashioned.”
Technology can also contribute to rudeness. The introduction of new technology brings new etiquette problems. Before cell phones were so inexpensive, public cell phone conversations did not take place. Therefore, so no one complained about them 30 years ago. When ATMs were new, the ATM etiquette complaint was that people would stand too close to the user, but people adapted. However, with some technologies such as cell phones and iPods, the user is often somewhat oblivious to his surroundings. Some cell phone users get so involved in their conversations that they tailgate or cut off other drivers. Some iPod listeners get so absorbed in the music that they will let doors slam in the faces of people behind them. Even using technology at home can dull social skills by reducing the amount of time spent interacting with family or friends. This doesn’t mean people should give up using their gadgets, but that they should be more aware of those around them. For example, if a person is having a cell phone conversation in public and everyone is looking at him, he is probably talking too loudly.
93% of the AP-Ipsos poll respondents believed parental failure to teach manners is the reason we have a less polite society than we did 20 to 30 years ago. That parallels the decline in the number of households with a stay at home parent. Busy parents often let the children watch TV or play video games so parental time can be spent on other chores. During that time family members are not interacting with each other. Another change brought on by busier lifestyles is that many families rarely dine together. Mealtimes were once a time when children were taught not only table manners, but also other manners such as saying “please” and “thank you” and refraining from interrupting the speech of other family members. Additionally, harried parents often give in to their children’s demands or ignore bad behavior because dealing with temper tantrums or admonishing misbehavior takes time.
Another thing that lead to increased rudeness was a change in parenting and education strategies around the 1970s when the idea that rules and discipline inhibit children’s creative and intellectual development came into vogue. Rather than creating more learned and artistic adults, providing a low discipline, unstructured environment and letting children “do their own thing” often led to the creation of spoiled brats.
While the self-esteem movement discourages bullying and critical comments, it does not use value judgements about an individual child’s behavior such as, “That was a mean thing to say.” Instead it uses collective, non-judgmental statements such as, “We don’t use that word here.” While the self-esteem movement addresses thoughts and statements that hurt others’ feelings, it fails to address other public behavior for fear of lowering the offender’s self esteem. Even when school systems try to maintain order and discipline, many parents challenge teachers, principals or school systems if their children are disciplined or receive low grades. These parents see such actions as either an attack on their child’s self-esteem or on their own. On the whole, the self-esteem movement makes individuals focus on their own wants and needs while ignoring those of others.
Independence and individualism are wonderful qualities, yet must be tempered by self-discipline and responsibility. In any society, individual actions affect others. When members of a society fail to take that into account, other members of that society call for legislation. Thomas Jefferson once said, “The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others.” Government power already extends far beyond that, so attempts to legislate etiquette won’t come as a shock.
Copyright Eva Ellsworth, 10/16/05, all rights reserved
3 Comments:
Is there some way that we, as a society, can step to the side lines and announce that the Liberal '60 and '70 mentality of child rearing and education do not work? Children need to hear 'No, that was wrong. You cannot do/say those things. However, it is part of growing up. You need to not repeat that." When rules are POLITELY set down, FIRMLY and EVENLY enforced,kinder and more socialized individuals are produced. We need a societial 'reset' button!-Paul
You are the best writer on mensnewsdaily!
-Paul
The self-esteem movement has been discredited everywhere. Sad that it is still being taught or implemented through education plans.
I am uncomfortable with the level of discord in American society, but what can individuals do? A secular society is inherently less moral.
I miss the times when beliefs were part of the living of life. Now, it's all about getting what one wants out of the moment. People who live by beliefs seem to be marginalized. Many good men and women are painfully alone. Trashy people are hooking up out of convenience while their ideal mates wait in the wings. Families fall apart while base desires are satisfied. Love is dead to modern life.
When we challenge ourselves to live by our beliefs, we find happiness and salvation. When we ally ourselves to liars and cheap thrills, we deny ourselves true love, salvation, happiness and ultimately, life.
Things will only get worse. So many hearts broken for stupid ideas and false values...
You are right in saying that independence and individualism are prized above all else. How many broken hearts and lives believed that nonsense? The self-disciplined and responsible mind and heart finds happiness, not bitterness and a clinging to a false past.
Maybe it is too late for most people...
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