As part of my continuing effort to develop credentials as an environmental journalist, I offer you this sensational breaking world exclusive. (Previous EJ article.) It’s the perfect solution to everything. It’s said to represent the keenest investment ever in the future of personkind ever conceived. It will at once solve the climate change problem,...
As I filled up the vest the other day, I realized that by using my Android smart phone, I can wander around the house with almost 70 items and not look like a tinker rolling onto the ranch.
When I was young, before everything was made from synthetics, we heard stories; stories about undomesticated tires living in the woods near the highway. We had seen them ourselves resting in muddy sties and dangling like monkeys in trees. According to legend, rubber is alive. As old cars roll down the road they deposit...
As the illegal immigration crisis proceeds a pace, and an American President has so far removed himself from his duty (and his wits) that he has ordered his Justice Department to sue an American state (Arizona) for doing its duty and for having its wits about it in defense of its citizens and their...
Oh lord. Oh lord. I can’t stand it. Somebody get me a drink. Recently I saw an interview with General McChrystal, head butcher of the Pentagon’s Democracy Implantation Force in Afghanistan. The General was explaining our ongoing victory. Yes, victory. We were making progress. It was only a matter of time. He could see...
Inspired for the most part by an article written by Guardian science correspondent Ian Sample, some by an article by Pulitzer Prize op-ed columnist Thomas L. Friedman in the New York Times, as well as others I’ve read over the past couple of years, I decided to try my hand at environmental journalism. Feel...
I’m going to kill Santa Clauseâ€â€cart him to the guillotine in a tumbrel, and then carry his head through town on a pike. I mean it. That damned red-nosed reindeer will be sausage. Why is his nose red? Because he’s a drunk. His real name is O’Toole. He emigrated to the North Pole under...
HOUSTONâ€â€The remote outskirts of this city stretch forever across featureless land under gray skies, endless parking lots mostly empty, nasty malls, elevated highways roaring and almost uncrossable by pedestrians, of whom there are almost none. It reminded me of hell designed by a concrete manufacturer. Highrise office buildings erupt like square thumbs, one like...
Confidential Memo To: All Men Re: Operation “Feminist Movement†Men, our long twilight struggle with the opposite sex is over. Our victory is total. Can you believe the way things used to be? Remember when our fathers and grandfathers would drag themselves to mind-numbing jobs every day, having the sole responsibility for the feeding,...
In every place of knowledge, there is a statue dedicated to one of the great martyrs of science. He carefully studied the data and came to the conclusion that his people were doomed if action was not immediately taken. For this effort, he was mocked, derided, and ultimately ignored. And, as a result, millions...
After hearing account after account from friends and acquaintances of rude and sometimes abusive behavior by federal officials in Immigrations, TSA, and others, I spoke by telephone to a fellow at TSA in Washington. He was agreeable and helpful, which is not a response one always gets in the capital. Anyway, I subseqquently wrote...
Last night Vi and I watched for the first time a documentary, shot by my friend Jim Coyne, on Joan Baez and the movement against a war no one any longer remembers, far away, on another planet. It was lovely filmwork. Jim is a genius. I may have to stop having friends. I feel...
I strain for words to describe adequately Washington’s policy toward Latin America. Candidates come to mind: Imbecilic, moronic, catatonic, Pollyannaish, blind, incurious. No, these are poor creatures and frail, not equal to the task. Retarded? Anencephalic? Those too lack descriptive power. The EEG has flat-lined. The patient is dead. I recently found the following...
Failing Institution Marriage is a failing institution. There are some basic factors driving this failure — judicial and societal — but the bottom line is indisputable: For the first time in US history, across all ethnic groups, the majority of women are unmarried and 40% of babies are born to unwed mothers. The judicial...
Last week on Fox News, Glenn Beck interviewed PETA spokesman Matt Prescott about a UN Report calling out the meat industry as the #1 cause of Global Warming. According to Prescott, the report issued by the UN’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), “found that the meat industry causes more greenhouse gas emissions than...
CNN’s Rick Sanchez was orgasmic with schadenfreude as he touted a video of President Bush apparently being ignored by other world leaders at the G20 summit. Sanchez described Bush as “the most unpopular kid in high school… You know the one with the cooties.†I believe this is the first time I’ve ever heard...
Joyce Carol Oates’ “Expensive People†is a flamboyantly and deliberately perverse comic novel born (!) of a an extraordinary premise. According to Greg Johnson in “Understanding Joyce Carol Oates,†the author wondered if it would be possible to write from the viewpoint of “one’s own unborn, unconceived child, giving grotesque albeit comic reasons for...
Take the spirit of an old-time women’s prison picture, a lot of HOT babes whose boobs often get exposed, lesbian sex scenes both nasty and nice, a creepy Catholic “home†for at-risk young ladies, a priest who loves to punish with a paddle, mix in H.P. Lovecraft and a one-eyed, many-tentacled monster, add a...
The horror of serial murderer Jeff Dahmer which is most often mentioned is his cannibalism. But if we are to understand the reasons for his crimes, we must remember that it was only late in his serial murdering career that he began devouring body parts. On the other hand, he was consistently necrophiliac. The...
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