‘Some women internalize their angst about their looks…Others take it out on their competition’
A couple weeks ago Terri, a reader, was commenting on the sexual harassment issue and whether women like male attention or not. She posted this comment on my blog:
Alas, my days are long past and I miss them but I don't begrudge other young women their time in the sun.
The comment caught my eye because I believe this sensitive subject is an important issue for women. Men in general don't understand it very well and in one form or another the issue often trips men up in their relationships with women.
I asked Terri (aka "Perspicacious" on my blog) to write a column about it for my blog. That column is below. She touches on many, many relevant issues for men.
On Women & Aging
By Terri
Because men and women are both biologically and psychologically different, I may have some trouble trying to explain this clearly. Hopefully what I say will open up a dialog where men can ask questions without having to be concerned about being attacked or misunderstood. Comments from women, whether in agreement or disagreement, are also welcomed and encouraged.
In his book, The Evolution of Desire, David Buss cites studies that found men in nearly all cultures tend to place significantly higher value on physical appearance in a partner than women do. Women generally place more importance on a man’s earning ability.
Men in almost all cultures also tend to prefer younger women. It is theorized that fertility has much to do with this preference. Women on average, become most fertile at the age of 25. From there fertility declines until it reaches zero by the age of about 50.
That is why I call menopause “the great equalizer” among women. During and after menopause, women who in youth enjoyed the advantages of natural beauty tend to lose those advantages after menopause. Despite their best efforts to avoid it, women begin to look old during or after menopause.
When a person is seen as attractive, assumptions are automatically made. In many cultures, what is beautiful is also assumed to be good. Allegations have been made that attractive people tend to have certain advantages over unattractive people, including the ability to get jobs and promotions more easily, receiving better treatment from authorities, having more romantic choices, and marrying into wealth.
Attractive women are also generally pursued by a greater number of men. Attractive women can also more easily replace a spouse if their spouse doesn’t live up to the woman’s expectations or if the couple’s general situation changes.
A woman may use enhancing tactics to get an edge on other women such as makeup, dressing seductively, and flirting. Naturally the successful outcome of any of those tactics is far greater for pretty women than for plainer women.
Men tend to compete with other men for the attention of women by doing things, such as entering athletic competitions, while women compete with other women for the attention of men by altering their appearance. This reinforces my belief that women instinctively know that physical appearance is the playing field where women have to compete in order to win a man’s attention and, eventually, a marriage proposal.
On that particular playing field, as on any other, the game may become too emotional, too heated, and too personal. Jealousy often rears its ugly head. Some women internalize the angst they feel about their body and their looks.
Others take it out on their competition. This usually comes in the form of spreading untrue rumors and gossip in the hopes of tarnishing their opponent’s reputation if they can’t compete with her good looks. This behavior seems to be seen more often among groups of women while few men engage in such tactics in an attempt to level their competitive playing field.
After women marry, the previous fixation with keeping their looks up often vanishes, sometimes slowly and sometimes not so slowly. Not all women let themselves go after marriage but it happens often enough to make note of it..
Why women in general would suddenly devalue the importance of keeping up their appearance after marriage is an interesting question. Perhaps some women believe once they’re married they’ve “won” the game and can retire, but most women inherently understand that the competition is still out there and as fierce as ever, regardless of marital status.
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