Important First Study

"This is the first real evidence that mothers, through their behavior, act as gatekeepers by either fostering or curtailing how much fathers take part in caring for their baby." 

I view this as a small but important study - one that should be known to everyone with the slightest interest in fathers, mothers, children, families and the family court system (Science Daily, 6/1/08).

It shows what many have suspected all along - that, from the first days of a child's life, mothers exert a gatekeeping function on fathers' involvement with their child.  According to the study, even if a father wants to do a lot of hands-on care, he will demur in the face of a critical mother.

This is not a slam on mothers or fathers.  This study simply reflects our cultural learning about sex roles.  Women are taught that one of their highest (perhaps their highest) calling is to be a mother.  Fathers are taught that they are uninterested in- and incompetent at- childcare.

So it's no surprise that a mother might feel threatened by a father who wants to share the childrearing equally.  She may see that as trespassing on her rightful domain, even if she's never been a mother before. 

And the father may want to take an active role, but he's learned his lessons too - you're not a natural at childcare and probably not even adequate, and she is.  So when she says "let me do it," he does.

Parents, if they want equality in their relationship must be aware of this and adjust their behavior accordingly.  Mothers must be willing to give fathers space to get involved; fathers must be willing to assert themselves - to demand involvement.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: until men are valued as parents, the burden of childrearing will fall primarily on women and frustrate their efforts to gain equality in the workplace.  But I didn't say that first; former NOW President Karen DeCrow did. 

Liberty Medal for Courage Writes about His Family Court Struggle in A Father's Right Decorated hero Anthony Gallo tells of his struggle to be reunited with his daughter in his new book A Father's Right. Gallo says, "I never could have imagined that my little daughter would be ripped out of my life. Family Court has no consideration for fathers." Buy A Father's Right by Anthony Gallo here. Contact the author at fathersright@yahoo.com.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 30th, 2009 at 7:15 pm and is filed under blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. | 347 views | Trackback | Print this page |

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