Is Cheating Ever Justified?
The following was contributed by reader Jean B.
Is cheating ever deserved? That is the title of the article by Wendy Atterberry, written for the Frisky. My initial response was “NO! It’s never OK.” Then I read the article (CNN, 6/17/09).
It seems that, on the television show "Jon & Kate Plus 8," Jon has been stepping out on Kate. So important is this fact that another program aired a clip from "Jon & Kate." There was Kate ripping into Jon about how stupid and incompetent he is. I was shocked! I wouldn’t put up with that, and he shouldn’t either! Saying Kate was out of line would be a huge understatement.
In their case, if Jon was stepping out on her, as wrong as I think it is I wouldn’t really blame him for seeking comfort elsewhere. My opinion is, always has been and always will be that if things are that bad and there is no way to change it, GET OUT! Things can't be fixed when one person refuses to see there is a problem, let alone do anything about it. No one should have to tolerate the abuse Kate doles out. And that is exactly what it is, abuse.
Atterberry quotes Susannah Breslin of Slate’s blog, XX Factor: "it's hard to think of moments in which this housewife is not humiliating, degrading, and emasculating her husband…she actually chastised him for breathing too loudly…There she is explaining to the camera that she doesn't care what anyone else thinks."
Atterburry asks: "…where was all the outrage when that was going on? Isn't that kind of behavior as damaging to a marriage as cheating is? If people vow when they marry to stay faithful to and respect one another, shouldn't the vows be of equal importance? Why isn't Kate's face on the cover of tabloids for breaking her vows? Her indiscretions happen regularly, in front of her children, and on camera."
As much as I agree with the above, this is better: "The larger issue is one of equality. If we're going to point fingers at men behaving badly, we have to take a look at the women's behavior that may provoke it. Most issues -- especially those within a relationship -- are rarely ever black and white with a clear-cut victim and oppressor."
Atterberry’s final words were spot on; cheating isn’t right but when you treat your significant other that way you shouldn’t be surprised when he/she goes elsewhere for comfort.
I will also add that Kate’s behavior is more damaging to the children than an affair their father may or may not have had. It is possible that, contrary to popular belief, Jon isn’t lacking a backbone. Maybe he stayed for the kids. As long as he was there her anger was directed at him and not the kids. Perhaps he is a bigger man than people give him credit for.
(Note: Obviously, this piece was written before Jon and Kate split up. Despite that, Jean raises some thought-provoking points. - Robert)
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